To be put out that partner's wedding invite has been rescinded?

[Marginal]

Save the date was sent 4 months ago for very close friend's wedding. I see her every few months because I live 120 miles away now. We discussed at the time that she was having kid free wedding but that partners were invited. Checked with mine and he'd love to go, make a weekend of it, great stuff.

However, wedding invites were given out at a dinner with friends recently and only my name was on the invite. I checked this with her in front of said friends and she said yes just for me, thought it might be easier with childcare???

I didn't make an issue in front of everyone but she seems to have arbitrarily invited some people's partners and not others. One friend's partner has been invited and we've all only met him once - she's been out for dinner and drinks with mine and stayed at our house, gone on days out with us, all sorts!

I'm going to broach it, just plucking up the courage to tackle it - OH is hurt and has asked me not to but I'm feeling more and more irritated, so I need clarification.

I don't want to miss her wedding as I consider her one of my closest friends, but I'm confused by this change of heart. Before I go hurtling in, AIBU?

Oh god, I read STD as a Sexually Transmitted Disease - especially as they were being scattered about. I was about to say wrong thread, love.

So she expects you to travel from quite a distance away on your own just to sit in a church? She's not paying for food and drink and she isn't organising a party so I honestly wouldn't bother if I was in your shoes. Just say no thanks.

It's church wedding, then private family meal (none of us are invited to that) then meeting for celebration drinks

Wow. This couple is breathtakingly rude.

I was already going to say not to go based just on the OP. Just for that alone I would decline and so would DH if the position was reversed. But then add in that she's not even going to bother feeding her guests?! WTH?! Even if she had invited both of you, then I'd decline for the rudeness in not feeding the guests.

Combine both of these things, and the only response is an RSVP decline and a slow fade of the 'friendship'.

From the sound of it, there's nothing to actually be invited to is there? Church is open to all, celebration drinks where? Pub or something? Very odd.

God, i'd definitely not travel 120 miles to just see a ceremony and then be told to get lost. Just (politely) decline this invite anyway.

What is the invite for then?
Anyone can go to the Church and presumably anyone can go to the pub and buy themselves a kebab on the way home.
I would just say. "Good news, we have a babysitter so Kevin will be joining me at the church. Better factor in an extra glass od prosecco"

In this scenario YANBU and I wouldn’t go.

What a brass neck to put out save the dates for a wedding reception in a bar and no meal. What did she even have to book in advance, other than the church? You could do all that without a day's notice, never mind save the dates. She sounds like an arsehole and so does her bloke.

It’s a problem where traditions are lost and couples don’t know how to behave to avoid offence, It’s just plain rude, unfriendly and unreasonable. You are a couple and should be invited as such - although as others say, it’s not really anything much to be invited to.
Church ceremony is nice but you’re a close friend and not invited to the breakfast? Then you ‘gather for drinks’ which sounds more like a stag or hen night than a wedding celebration.
I’d politely decline.

120 miles to twiddle your thumbs all alone? Nope I would be washing my hair that day

There is no way I'd travel that far for just the Ceremony and "drinks". I have made a long journey for Ceremony + evening do (including food), but if she isn't even giving you food...
I actually wonder if her husband to be is a bit controlling? Because people who I know who would hate a "big do" wouldn't want lots of people for evening drinks either.

No way would I travel 120 miles ( by myself) to see them married in church then twiddle my thumbs until going to the pub to buy my own drinks.

They just want the presents/money.

You’re going to travel 240 miles to sit around waiting whilst they have the wedding meal; then pay for your own drinks in a pub? I wouldn’t be going to that even if my DH was invited too!

She/they would have been better to ask friends to contribute to the wedding in place of a gift or have a pot luck in the garden/ in someone’s house.

I once went to a friends wedding and the parents refused to contribute in any way. She and her American fiancée were staying for a little while with her parents and were then going back to the US to work. They’d done it this way to get her a work visa. Dh and I travelled for 1.5 hours for a register office wedding then back to her parents house for a thimble full of champagne in a plastic beaker, tea and biscuits. The mother whispered angrily in my ear that they hadn’t asked permission and organised the wedding within 3/4 weeks and they therefore found that reason not to contribute even a bottle of bubbly. My friend was almost 30 and I was very embarrassed for both mother and daughter.

We left and hit McDonald’s. That was the worse wedding we attended. Yours sounds worse still but otoh at least you have the heads up your presence is pretty much cost free to the happy couple. Or will they be buying any drinks?

There's nothing to broach. Her wedding her choice! Don't embarrass yourself by asking

Butlerswharf
What a ridiculous answer given that there is no exclusive venue. There’s always one. 🙄

There’s nothing really to rescind as she’s providing nothing for you as guests

If you want go and see them get married because that's about it by the sounds of it. Not hosting your guests is rude so it doesn't sound great anyway. But it always makes me laugh at these people who don't invite partners of people they are in close relationships with, to a celebration of their relationship.

So he is banned from a pub in which you would have to buy own drinks?
Stay home, she is a cf. .
And send an empty card (no cash).

Frankly, I would’t attend and just have a nice weekend with my partner!

@Mummyoflittledragon and there's always some CF who'll try to invite themselves to something the host has already told them they're not invited to!

I hope you're not giving her a gift.

You got there before me, Dotty :o

I did a double-take, too.

OP why is there a limit on the number of people invited to pay for their own drinks?

I've been to weddings before of acquaintances and been invited to the drinking part only. The couple just hire a large enough venue for all the various people they want to invite not being sure if people will turn up with partners or groups.

Saying that some actually put money behind the bar/give you a free drink or two on entry, and ensure some food is served free.

Anyway I would just decline and say why if asked. You shouldn't be expected to travel 120 miles to be on your own.

I don’t understand how people can expect guests to go to the trouble and expense of travelling, buying presents, dressing up etc. and not offer any hospitality in return, or expect ‘second class’ guests to hang around obediently for hours clutching their presents. It is thoughtless at best. I have been to weddings like this and wished I hadn’t bothered going. At the worst one there was no food at all and you had to pay for your own drinks - not one solitary drink provided. I really did wonder what we had been invited to and I was tempted to take the present back with me. We were starving ( it was 7pm start for evening do in hotel) and got a kebab on the way home.