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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy about this?

201 replies

cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 08:47

DD has a summer job. She is away with friends until Wednesday, she gets back sometime around midday.

She got her rota for next week and between Wednesday evening and Sunday she has over 45 hours.

AIBU to tell them (with DDs consent) that it is far too much? She has college work to get ready, she will want to see her friends and most of all those sort of hours (starting at half six, not getting back till half nine) will drain her and exhaust her.

She’s worried and upset about it.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 12/08/2018 10:21

What is a bit surprising is that you feel she's old enough to go on holiday abroad with friends, take on a job, but not that she is grown up enough to phone up and deal with any issues in the job. She really is.

Guienne · 12/08/2018 10:39

I'm going to go against the grain here. If your daughter is abroad and can't phone, it's reasonable for you to act as her messenger. Can you simply call them and say you are passing on the message that she can't do those hours this week and tell them what she can do? The worst they can do is throw a fit and sack her, which she doesn't mind about anyway.

Anasnake · 12/08/2018 10:39

Is this her first job ?

ScrumpyCrack · 12/08/2018 11:58

Anyone else wondering if OP’s DD is 35 years old, living in the converted loft and this is her 28th part time job this year?

AnotherOriginalUsername · 12/08/2018 12:00

@ScrumpyCrack I did specifically ask how old the daughter was but didn't get a reply!

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 12:01

I do have another child with special needs who may we’ll be. So I don’t find that funny.

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 12/08/2018 12:08

@cokezeroandice if she is over 18 it would be so inapropriate for you to call work for her! Please don't do this, she will forever be known as the person whose mum called in for her!

Regardless of hours, if she has an issue she has to sort it out.

ScrumpyCrack · 12/08/2018 12:10

So you’re taking certain elements of a comment said in jest and applying them to a situation that has absolutely no correlation to the one you’ve posted about, or that the comment was in relation to, in order to be offended?

Hmm k.

Your drama is too much for a peaceful Sunday.

PaulRuddislush · 12/08/2018 12:23

You seem to take everything personally op, your daughter's work situation, social life and college work is somehow all about you. For both your sakes, please take a step back and let your dd get on with her own life.

MiniCooperLover · 12/08/2018 12:28

You sound far too keen to keep a finger in with your daughters activities OP. My sister did this and DN still lives at home at 22 and hasn't stuck to anything because Mum always fixes it for her. And you aren't telling me that any kid over 18 can't work out how to use a phone abroad? No way.

starzig · 12/08/2018 13:26

I think you should have a word OP. At that age I struggled to assert myself and really appreciated my mum's assistance in such things. Ignore the posters who think all teenagers should be fighting their own battles (Maybe they were from unfortunate backgrounds, and had to) there is plenty of time for independence to develop.

SoyDora · 12/08/2018 13:47

(Maybe they were from unfortunate backgrounds, and had to)

Love that little dig Grin.
No I was from a lovely, supportive background thank you. But at 18 I lived away for uni (as many many people do) and managed my own uni and working life. Wouldn’t have occurred to me not to, despite being fairly shy and unassertive. I would have asked my parents for advice but essentially would have made the call myself.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 13:50

Ignore the posters who think all teenagers should be fighting their own battles (Maybe they were from unfortunate backgrounds, and had to) there is plenty of time for independence to develop.

No, I came from a background where my parents were incredibly supportive, they had my back through it all, they just didn’t do it for me because that’s counter productive and teaches children nothing.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/08/2018 13:50

(Maybe they were from unfortunate backgrounds, and had to)

Even leaving aside how patronising it is to call someone’s background “unfortunate”, no definitely not the case for me. Very supportive parents who wanted me to be independent and gave me the back up and encouragement to do that. Which is actually what the OP has decided to do anyway.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 13:51

Aye, OP has come round to that idea and is fully supporting her DD without taking over.

You know, like proper parents do!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/08/2018 14:01

Why doesnt your daughter:

  • email/text them (in writing) and say

-dear manager,

As you know over the last x days I've completed x hours.

I'd appreciate it if next week you would only rota me for 5 shifts. I can commit to work 5 days.

If this is not possible, please treat this as my week's notice. You'll understand as this is a summer job (?) I need to have sufficient time around employment to do my university work.

Sincerely

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/08/2018 14:04

PS as I said at interview (of she did), I was only looking for part time hours.

OP it's well known in these sort of workplaces theu take advantage of young people's inexperience /lack of assertiveness

PaulRuddislush · 12/08/2018 14:07

No I'm certainly not from an "unfortunate background" and neither are my dc, what a spectacularly ill informed, condescending post to make, it's just embarrassing.

Dljlr · 12/08/2018 14:12

I'm Head of Year for first year undergrads. The most frustrating thing about my job is dealing with flakey and babyish 18 year olds (and up) who have never been required to show any sort of independence or responsibility for their own work life, welfare and wellbeing; and who think that it's my and other lecturers' responsibility to baby-step them through every single deadline, find things for them online, and take responsibility for every little tiny thing that happens in their lives that might impact their uni work. It's really rather pathetic. I'm not suggesting that your DD is one of these but interfering to the extent of solving work problems for her will just lead her to expect other people to continually bail her out. It does young people no favours to be babied in this way. If she doesn't want the job she needs to quit, or discuss working hours further with them. But she needs to be driving that, not you. I honestly despair at these teenagers who even turn up to tutorials with no notes - and nothing to take any with! - then inform me they've not been attending, have no idea where to start with their essay(s), so can I just write a plan for them? (Seriously).

helforddreams · 12/08/2018 14:19

I do have another child with special needs who may we’ll be. So I don’t find that funny

I have three adult sons with special needs and another child (also an adult but the youngest) who hasn't.

With the eldest three needing much support and help, I often had to remind myself that the youngest is/was perfectly capable of dealing things independently. It was my norm to have to help and so it took a conscious effort to take a step back with the youngest, let them make their own mistakes, and just be there as a listening ear (rather than taking over as I had to with the others). It was a difficult lesson for me to learn, but thankfully I did.

lapenguin · 12/08/2018 14:30

She needs to do it herself
She also has to suck it up and do the four long days
I presume she got told it'd be long hours and that if she does all her hours in one go she will get a couple of days off
Thing is she is going to want to keep them as a reference for future jobs so the key would be to just suck it up and carry on, if she wants to resign fine but it would look bad on a cv to say you only worked there a little while and quit because of the working hours
She should ask if she can avoid working on specific days so that she can make time for friends etc. Frankly it's a good way to get her used to the working world. Ive seen a lot of young adults struggle once they reach a full time job in the real world because they are so used to having so many weeks off at a time. It's only a few more weeks.
If she was 16 I'd understand a bit more but at 18 it's different

AnotherOriginalUsername · 12/08/2018 14:48

"If she was 16 I'd understand a bit more but at 18 it's different"

Our 16 year old fresh out of school apprentice works 40 hour weeks just like the rest of us, in addition to doing the college work necessary for her qualification, just like thousands of others do up and down the country

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 12/08/2018 17:56

If she did work there only for 2 weeks... I wouldn't include it on any cv

Glumglowworm · 12/08/2018 18:23

If she’s old enough to have a job then she’s too old for mummy to call her boss because it’s too much for their precious baby

If she doesn’t want to do the hours that’s her choice. Personally I would tell her to woman up and think of the money. But if she really doesn’t want to then she needs to be the one to tell her boss.

nicebitofquiche · 12/08/2018 18:29

Yabu. She's a grown up. Let her sort it out herself for goodness sake. You're doing her no favours.

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