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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy about this?

201 replies

cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 08:47

DD has a summer job. She is away with friends until Wednesday, she gets back sometime around midday.

She got her rota for next week and between Wednesday evening and Sunday she has over 45 hours.

AIBU to tell them (with DDs consent) that it is far too much? She has college work to get ready, she will want to see her friends and most of all those sort of hours (starting at half six, not getting back till half nine) will drain her and exhaust her.

She’s worried and upset about it.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/08/2018 09:10

I imagine over 18 as under 18 I think care workers have to be supervised don’t they? Which I guess isn’t practical in a home care setting?

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:10

Bert, she is over 18.

The point with the hours is that they are split shifts so even though she’s paid for 45 she’s out a lot longer.

She has been doing quite a lot over the summer in fact it’s just that this particular job only started recently.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:11

She’s over 18 and therefore an adult. She needs to deal with it herself. Why do you think she is incapable of this?

ShumpaLumpa · 12/08/2018 09:11

All mumsnetters were working 80 hour weeks and living completely independently with no parental involvement from the age of 16.grin.

It was my first job in fast food and the atmosphere and bullying was so bad that I eventually snapped and told my manager I was leaving and why. I even told him to fuck off!

I didn't even tell my parents about it because I thought they might stop me from getting another job elsewhere.

It just never occurred to me that I could get my parents involved in any of jobs.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:11

The OP didn’t “flounce”

The OP made a cup of tea, went to the toilet and washed her hands Hmm

It’s worse than having a toddler on this website at times!

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:11

Ah you’re back OP. She is over 18, and legally an adult in which case you need to back right off and let her make her own decisions. She’ll get laughed out of the place if Mummy phones up to complain she’s working too hard!

longwayoff · 12/08/2018 09:11

Any employee of mine whose mother calls to tell me how-to treat their precious child will no longer have a job.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:12

It’s worse than having a toddler on this website at times!

Or treating your adult child like a toddler Grin

SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:12

I had an awful job when I was 18. Awful, bullying boss. I resigned and worked my notice. It genuinely wouldn’t have occurred to me to get my mum to sort it out for me, as I was an adult.

LotsToThinkOf · 12/08/2018 09:12

FGS you talk about her like she's a child. She's over 18, she should be working and not dropping her colleagues in the crap because she's 'tired'.

This is one of the most pathetic threads I've ever read.

HolyMountain · 12/08/2018 09:12

She’s 17-18 then?

I do think 45 hours over four days is a lot for a seasonal summer job and care work is extremely demanding.

She has to be the one who says it’s too much , if that’s the case.

HolyMountain · 12/08/2018 09:13

Xpost, missed that she’s over 18.

LotsToThinkOf · 12/08/2018 09:13

Holymountain she's over 18.

VioletCharlotte · 12/08/2018 09:13

If she thinks it's too much for her and hates the job, then she needs to either tell them she needs to reduce her hours or just quit. Can't really see the issue here. It's just a summer job, not worth all this drama.

iamkahleesi · 12/08/2018 09:13

She's an adult and would have known about the split shifts when she took the job. It's part and parcel I'm afraid. You need to leave her to it.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:13

I do understand that some of you were perhaps more assertive.

DD is a very kind, gentle, quite shy girl and can be anxious. If she contacts them and nicely says that it’s too much they will get upset and say things like ‘but no one else can do it, no one else can cover those shifts.’

I just don’t think DD will be able to stand firm. And she needs to. Regardless of what others were doing, I don’t want her going back to college exhausted because her education is what is really important, not the job.

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 12/08/2018 09:14

By all means have a conversation with her about negotiating her hours but absolutely do not get involved yourself. 45 hours is a fair amount but she can probably handle it and she can definitely decide what to do about it herself.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:14

It would be a relief, longwayoff, but also won’t happen.

OP posts:
iamkahleesi · 12/08/2018 09:14

You doing it for her won't teach her to be assertive though will it? Coach her through a conversation by all means but she must do it herself.

longwayoff · 12/08/2018 09:15

OP are you Fergie mother of Eugenie and Beatrice? They work very hard.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:15

If you step in and do it all for her no wonder she doesn’t know how!

Let her learn, she’s an adult now, and needs to learn these things. You will make her look and feel ridiculous if you go in on her behalf.

She needs to make these decisions for herself, and she needs you to back off and let her find her own way.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/08/2018 09:16

DD is a very kind, gentle, quite shy girl and can be anxious. If she contacts them and nicely says that it’s too much they will get upset and say things like ‘but no one else can do it, no one else can cover those shifts.’

She sounds genuinely lovely. But she needs to learn how to deal with this stuff or she will be constantly putting herself out for people. I don’t think the hours are ridiculous but it is only what she thinks that matters, and if the job isn’t right for her then support her to ring up. Practice what she’s going to say and all that, and it’ll be a really good step on the way to being able to stand up for herself a bit.

IceCreamFace · 12/08/2018 09:16

I just don’t think DD will be able to stand firm.

Well then your focus must be on teaching her to stand up for herself not doing it for her! By stepping in you're confirming the fact in her mind that she's incapable of doing it for herself and making it less likely she'll manage next time.

SparklyMagpie · 12/08/2018 09:16

She's over 18 and you want to phone up?

This is making me cringe! I'm not confrontational an sometimes struggle saying no, but I wouldn't be having my mum phone up my employer

Jesus, 18 🙈

LotsToThinkOf · 12/08/2018 09:16

Of course they will get upset! She committed to working for them and she's been off on her jollies with her friends leaving her colleagues to pick up her share. Now she's back it's her turn to pick up the slack.

Caring is a difficult enough job as it is without this attitude; I feel for her colleagues. It's not the kind of job she can just not turn up for. If she's that unreliable she should go and work somewhere else. Or not at all.
She needs to grow up.