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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy about this?

201 replies

cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 08:47

DD has a summer job. She is away with friends until Wednesday, she gets back sometime around midday.

She got her rota for next week and between Wednesday evening and Sunday she has over 45 hours.

AIBU to tell them (with DDs consent) that it is far too much? She has college work to get ready, she will want to see her friends and most of all those sort of hours (starting at half six, not getting back till half nine) will drain her and exhaust her.

She’s worried and upset about it.

OP posts:
Norugratsatall · 12/08/2018 09:46

This is genuinely baffling! She's just been on holiday, therefore she's spent a week or two relaxing with friends. So she's doesn't need to 'see friends'. Either she wants a job or she doesn't! If she does, then she cracks on and does the shifts, it won't kill her. If she doesn't, then she quits. Simple.

Also, the being too exhausted to go back to college is a,so a bit daft, when does she go back? Middle of sept? That's ages yet.

I get you're looking out for your daughter's wellbeing but you both sound a wee bit precious if I'm honest.

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:47

This post is full of “when I was 8 I walked seventeen miles a day to the centre of the earth where I PAID MY BOSS”

No it’s full of people saying that at that age they were perfectly capable of working without their parents butting in.

You’ve chosen to exaggerate and mock that.

WilburIsSomePig · 12/08/2018 09:47

OP I'm sure your daughter is a lovely lass, but you're really not helping her at all by facilitating all this pussyfooting around and angst. It's absolutely the wrong thing to do.

I think you should be encouraging her to be able to stand up to people who take the piss and to be able to manage these situations. Not everyone is strong. Not everyone can do the whole 'well I just told them on no uncertain terms this isn't acceptable blah blah blah', but if you really want to help her, you need to encourage resilience and for her to build her confidence. She'll need to be able to do these kind of things herself, it's life.

My 14 year old DS has just been offered a job in the local shop - three evenings a week - Fri, Sat, Sunday between 5pm and 8pm. They offered to pay him £25 a week. He said thanks very much, but that he earned more doing his paper round and that it didn't sound legal anyway. He was worried about offending them, but he was polite and refused.

TootDeLaFroot · 12/08/2018 09:47

Hang on. She's been doing the job since the start of August (12 days) and is now abroad?
Gosh, she must be EXHAUSTED.

Good thing she has 4 days off, before her next shift of 4 days.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:48

Gosh, Another, how unpleasant Sad

It is hardly DDs fault the industry cannot attract workers, I wonder why that is.

Thank you for the advice. We have had a chat via WhatsApp and dd will do the hours this next week and then tell them she wants a maximum of one shift a day thereafter.

I understand many of you were doing more but DD does need to do her college work and that has to take precedence.

OP posts:
theboud · 12/08/2018 09:48

Os she doing a caring job as part of a future career plan? I did agency care work during my nurse training because it was useful experience and paid more than bar work. It was hard going - the regular staff often hated agency because we cost more than they did (although the cost difference went to the agency no to me) and didn’t know as much as they did.

I worked shifts that were either 7-5.30 (randomly) or 2-10 and could have been rota’d on 7 days a week if I wanted. I had to be really firm about how many hours I could work and resist guilt tripping but it was really good experience in standing my ground and also juggling work/essays/seeing friends etc.

She’s an adult. The summers of long weeks off, hanging out with friends and taking it easy are over. Support her by helping her to work out what her own acceptable limits are and how to stand up for herself.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:49

I’m glad he turned that down Wilbur, I’m suspicious of anywhere employing under 16s Smile

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/08/2018 09:49

Thank you for the advice. We have had a chat via WhatsApp and dd will do the hours this next week and then tell them she wants a maximum of one shift a day thereafter

This sounds like a great solution. Hope your DD can enjoy the rest of her holiday now and not worry.

NotAnotherHeffalump · 12/08/2018 09:49

Does she have to work a notice period if she does resign? If so there are really only a couple of weeks left of the summer, how much will really change?

Why can't she just say something along the lines of "I know you've drawn up the rota for next week, and so I will work the hours you have set for me, however I'm starting back to college at the beginning of September, and so from such and such a date I will only be able to work however many hours a week over the following days.

If you get involved it will reflect poorly on her and they might mention her having an immature approach to work in any future references, or a poor team ethic as she left her co-workers in the lurch at short notice etc. This might not seem like a big deal now, but when your DD is going for her dream job she'll want everything going for her.

Nicknacky · 12/08/2018 09:50

How many shifts did she think the the job was for originally? Although I assume it’s a zero hours contract?

NotAnotherHeffalump · 12/08/2018 09:50

Oops, just read your reply OP Smile

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:51

Thank you for the advice. We have had a chat via WhatsApp and dd will do the hours this next week and then tell them she wants a maximum of one shift a day thereafter

That sounds really positive.

Radiosheep · 12/08/2018 09:53

Your role as a parent is never finished. You just have to prod her to standing on her own two feet that's all people are saying. Help her to help herself. You want her to strong in the long run don't you OP? I have to push one of mine in particular to ask about the price of things in shops and she is a lot younger and very shy but it'd gradually working.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 12/08/2018 09:53

@cokezeroandice how old is she and what's she doing at college that she has work between academic years? Just thinking back and all throughout college and university (during which I also worked 40 hours a week) once exams were over, I had no formal studying to do at all.

If she's on split shifts and can't come home between them, could she take her college work and do it on her break?

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:55

No, she’s in her car Another

Namechanged I don’t know your story but I just want to give you my very best wishes Flowers

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 12/08/2018 09:55

You aren't doing your DD any favours by being the way you are. No wonder so many adults struggle to cope in life.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 12/08/2018 09:56

@cokezeroandice if it were me, depending on the time scale between the shifts (got to be a good few hours?) I'd set myself up in a local Costa or similar (free WiFi) and do it there, whatever "it" is

Radiosheep · 12/08/2018 09:56

Just read update OP. That's good. Think some were trying to be helpful on here some a bit harsh buy that's mn I guess! Wink

rainbowunicorn · 12/08/2018 10:01

Something to consider here is what day of the week the rota starts. As an example where I work the rota runs weekly starting on a Saturday. In this case it would be perfectly feasible that an employee was down for 45 hours over 4 days but split over 2 working weeks. The Thursday and Friday would be from this weeks rota and the Saturday and Sunday are a new working week so she may not have any shifts on the following Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, so essentially part time hours of 22.5 per week depending on how the rota runs.
I do think you should keep out of it. I have had mothers phone in the past to complain about their hours that their adult child has been put on the rota for or that they have not had holiday authorised etc and it is not something that I would be able to discuss with you. It would also make me think poorly of the employee that had to get mummy to phone in as she was unable to cope with it.
If you do not back off now with regards to your daughters employment then you are doing her no favours. I also note that you say she is abroad and couldn't work out how to use the phone / get her mobile to work. I would expect any 18 year old and possibly quite a bit younger to be able to find a solution to either of those problems with a little thought.

ch0c0milkrox · 12/08/2018 10:03

If I was her i'd give them notice when she goes in on thursday of one week. Do the hours for that week and then leave if it's too much for her. She has to be the one to hand in her notice though, def not you.

ShesABelter · 12/08/2018 10:07

I completely sympathise. My sister who is 26 was working in care and they promised her 16 hours before she took the job them were putting her down for forty hour weeks which she couldn't manage because of her children. Each week they'd just say they'd sort it the next week and never and completely talked down to her they were bitches. Then my toddler niece was admitted to hospital and they hauled her in and two of them started ranting at her saying her and her partner needed to sort their priorities and why coudltn he take the day off work (he is the main breadwinner, self employed and actually was taking time off as one of them was with the other two girls whilst the other was in hospital with youngest) they were so horrible she decided to quit but was so anxious she was wanting me to do it as she couldn't deal with the way they'd talk to her. I did put my foot down and said I'd stand with her whilst she done it and went over what to day and pre planned what shed say for any argument back they would maybe raise. She needed to learn to stand up for herself and do things like that herself and I think you should do the same even do it Wednesday night when back. They really can get cover for shifts as the seniors are expected to step in and cover.

bubbles108 · 12/08/2018 10:07

She may quit, but they will still put on the guilt trip.

And?

Life can be like this

She needs to learn how to handle situations on her own, with your advice

If you do it for her, she doesn't learn

IamaBluebird · 12/08/2018 10:08

I think your daughter doing the hours this week and then having a chat sounds like a good plan.
She hasn't actually done the job for very long before going on holiday. She might enjoy it and as someone else suggested could always go to a cafe etc between shifts.
Your daughter sounds lovely and is making her own way in education and on holiday. You have to let her do this in a work situation too. Hope it works out well for her.

bubbles108 · 12/08/2018 10:12

once they are 18, your role as a parent has officially finished and no further help or support is welcome as it is ‘babying’ them.

😂

Now that IS a flounce. And an utterly ridiculous statement too

Do what you think is right, but you asked AIBU and in the majority of answers, you ARE BEING UNREASONABLE

Live with that or don't ask

RedDwarves · 12/08/2018 10:18

She started this job at the beginning of August, and now, 11 days in, it's too much for her and she'd love to lose the job/you'd love her to lose it? What on Earth? It's not as thought she's been doing these hours for months on end. Suck it up.