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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy about this?

201 replies

cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 08:47

DD has a summer job. She is away with friends until Wednesday, she gets back sometime around midday.

She got her rota for next week and between Wednesday evening and Sunday she has over 45 hours.

AIBU to tell them (with DDs consent) that it is far too much? She has college work to get ready, she will want to see her friends and most of all those sort of hours (starting at half six, not getting back till half nine) will drain her and exhaust her.

She’s worried and upset about it.

OP posts:
HollyGibney · 12/08/2018 09:17

I just to work in a bar that employed youngsters as glass collectors and pot washers and the managers used to take the absolute piss with their "oh just stick (young person) on he/she won't mind". They rely on those kids not feeling confident enough to say anything. I'd speak to them if she's not feeling up to doing it OP. It's fine.

ShumpaLumpa · 12/08/2018 09:17

Having said that, OP, if my DD wanted me to call her company and tell them that she wants to quit, I would absolutely do it.

If she wanted to negotiate her hours, I would work out with her what she was comfortable with and coach her through a phone call but encourage her to call or email them herself.

AutumnGrace · 12/08/2018 09:17

OP you aren't listening to opinions . . . Which you asked for!

Do not ring in, if over 18 why are you taking away the chance for your daughter to learn how to have difficult conversations. Put on her big girl boots. She is more than old enough. Empower her to discuss hours if she feels it is too much, but would it not be better to teach her a good work ethic and importance of earning? Not just quit when it all feels too much.

Summer is the time to earn as a student!

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:17

She needs to grow up

She needs to be ALLOWED to grow up.

SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:18

How will she ever learn to deal with this type of situation herself if you always do it for her? Part and parcel of being an adult is being out of your comfort zone and having to develop ways of dealing with things.
I wasn’t at all an assertive teen, but learned to stand my ground as I had to... I was 18 and therefore it was my responsibility to deal with things.
But you don’t think you’re BU so go ahead and phone them! Not sure why you posted really.

IceCreamFace · 12/08/2018 09:18

Are you also sure you're not guilty of ignoring what she wants herself? At 18 I was very timid too, I'd have been fine working those hours, but if my mum had kicked up a fuss about it I'd have probably gone along with it instead of standing my ground.

(Hope that doesn't sound harsh I'm sure you're just concerned for your DD!)

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:18

I don’t think she would feel ridiculous.

She just wishes she’d never taken the job but it is done now so we have to work out whether it’s best to do the 45 hours then quit or work until the end of summer part time.

Yes, ideally she’d be able to have that conversation herself and normally I’d advocate she did but they aren’t the easiest people. It’s not really an age thing - it’s more a detached thing I suppose.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:19

There is no we OP, she’s a big girl. She can work it out for herself.

SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:19

It’s not really an age thing - it’s more a detached thing I suppose

So you’d do it for her if she was 30?

SparklyMagpie · 12/08/2018 09:20

And if you don't think she'll stand firm,the worst thing you could do is ring in for her! What on earth would that achieve and how will she learn from that and watching you do it?

Do you plan on always being the one phoning up when she can't?

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:20

To be honest Autumn, while I know it’s AIBU, some of them are so rude I am not listening as I don’t listen to rude people.

Like bert has said, maybe some of you were doing 80 hour weeks but my DD doesn’t want that.

Icecream, she’s pretty upset to be honest.

OP posts:
DuggeesWoggle · 12/08/2018 09:20

Balancing college, work and life can be difficult but it's part of becoming a responsible adult. If she needs to be more assertive and stand up for herself then this is the time to do it. Helping her now will not help her in the future when she wants to negotiate terms in a job she really wants. My parents helped me with a lot of things but at no point would they ever have dreamed of getting involved in ringing my employers on my behalf. You'd be doing her no favours whatsoever if you rang them.

jellybeans44 · 12/08/2018 09:20

Got to love an OP that asks for advice then when given it gives the but..But.. But...

She's over 18. Regardless of her personality she can't have mummy fighting her battles. Actually cringing at the thought of you phoning them up....

PaulRuddislush · 12/08/2018 09:20

My dd now 21 has been sourcing jobs, working long hours, juggling university and social life since she was 16/17. Yes she's done split shifts and late nights and 60 hour weeks. Yes she's been tired. It's life, it's how you learn to be independent and self reliant.
Please don't insert yourself into her workplace, it really isn't your business.

Original poster
cokezeroandice · 12/08/2018 09:21

On this one isolated occasion, I don’t want DD to ‘learn’ anything, I want her to enjoy her summer.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:21

Some replies are rude, but a lot aren’t, and they’re still telling you YABU.
You are just putting your fingers in your ears and saying ‘tra la la I’m not listening to rude people’.

AutumnGrace · 12/08/2018 09:21

Many youth are becoming more and more entitled with such a poor work ethic . . . Starting to understand why 😕

SoyDora · 12/08/2018 09:22

If you’ve made up your mind that you’re going to do it anyway, why are you still posting on here? Why did you post in the first place?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/08/2018 09:22

On this one isolated occasion, I don’t want DD to ‘learn’ anything, I want her to enjoy her summer

Not sure those are mutually exclusive though

ShumpaLumpa · 12/08/2018 09:22

I just don’t think DD will be able to stand firm. And she needs to. Regardless of what others were doing, I don’t want her going back to college exhausted because her education is what is really important, not the job.

Ok. The company sound awful and unprofessional. In that case they lose the right to expect DD to call them and speak to them herself.

So if DD really wants to stay, then I think it's fine for you to call them to negotiate her hours.

Hopefully DD will learn to be assertive. Maybe an assertiveness course?

DonkeyPunch88 · 12/08/2018 09:23

You mention it's working with elderly. If it's a care home or home care then the hours sound about right.

LexieLulu · 12/08/2018 09:23

It's not your place to speak to her employer it's hers.

Whether she's shy or not, she is a adult

Nicknacky · 12/08/2018 09:23

I’m not seeing the problem. A grown adult is working a few extra hours and she is upset she won’t see her friends?!

Do not phone for her. That’s just ridiculous.

SparklyMagpie · 12/08/2018 09:23

Fair enough then, you baby her OP

I'll go and make a brew while I still cringe at the thought

YeTalkShiteHen · 12/08/2018 09:23

On this one isolated occasion, I don’t want DD to ‘learn’ anything, I want her to enjoy her summer

I want, I think, I feel.

It’s not about you. Call me rude all you like, but you are holding back your child because of your own wants and needs and that is beyond selfish.