To think the best advice I can give my daughter is don’t have any children?

[WaitingForSunday17]

Because it is completely soul destroying and the negatives massively outweigh any positives?
I have a son too. I don’t think it’s so bad for men. I wouldn’t be so sad for him if he ended up having children. But I think for women it ruins your life and the happiest people I know - and I think some study confirmed this - are those that are child free by choice? Completely different if you want them and can’t have them I realise.

We don't need the population to decline everywhere, at all. We actually need it to increase in the places it is declining and decrease in the areas it is increasing. If you are talking about Western Europe thats the former not the latter.

I agree.

Wow.

Both my parents actually did tell me this. They were shit parents and my childhood was hell.

You are either a selfish asshole like them, or incredibly depressed. I'm betting the latter. I hope you find some emotional and practical support. Whatever you do, don't blame your daughter for your misery and for God's sake do not tell her what you have told us.

Hotblack, surely we need it to decline in the Western world as that is where most resources are consumed and thus each person has a much greater impact on the environment?

OP, I completely agree with you. Parents need to be more honest about how awful and expensive child rearing can be.

@mydogisthebest the difference between having children and recycling is that it would be a good thing if everyone recycled but it would not be a good thing if no one had children unless your environmentalism is merely a cover for misanthropy.

Hotblack, surely we need it to decline in the Western world as that is where most resources are consumed and thus each person has a much greater impact on the environment?

Well no. Although I said Western Europe, not the Western World, which is not an accurate term at all. Its so much more complicated than that. If certain parts of the world keep declining and other parts keep increasing, what will happen is an unsustainable inbalance.

OP, I completely agree with you. Parents need to be more honest about how awful and expensive child rearing can be

To their children? Like seriously, "yes darling thats a lovely painting, now let me tell you again how awful it has been parenting you and how much money you have cost me..."

Wake up women, this is political

Our political system disempowers is by failing to provide enough support when we have children - especially if they have SN or disabilities

There should be much, much more help with childcare and the cost of raising children but it would mean men coughing up more in taxes and making way for more competition from women for jobs

These issues are not raised anything like enough by politicians

You sound ... not just tired, but severely depleted OP. The reason I say this is because of telling excited kids to go back to bed at silly o'clock on Christmas morning. One of my best memories of Christmas was being allowed to get up excited at that sort of time. Mum probably hated it but she was so tolerant we didn't notice, and it made it! But someone who is exhausted beyond exhaustion would not be able to face it, which is why I said I think you sound severely depleted. You don't just need a holiday but a change of life, somehow, to factor in much more rest time for you. I genuinely sympathise. I've been exhausted and beyond it because of MS lassitude fatigue which is just the worst. It doesn't allow me to enjoy my children like I always hoped I would. Of course I love them deeply, but I end up feeling short tempered and a bit of a kill-joy, which in turn makes me live in guilt.

I also suspect you won't need to tell your daughter that you think she should live childless. I'm sure she already knows your view on that. Kids grow up pretty astute about that sort of thing. Actually verbalising it may make her feel rejected by you, which of course wouldn't be your intention as it's not the truth, but I can see how it would feel that way to her. I'm sure she will grow up aware of your struggles.

I really hope you can find some blue sky in there, but more than that you sound like you need physical and mental rest. Long overdue by the sounds of it

If she's only little she doesn't need encouragement in any direction at the moment. And even when she's older, don't try to influence whether she has children or not. Not everyone is going to have the same experience as you and it's not fair for you to push your views on her. Children are able to pick up on persons feelings about something, even if you don't come out and say it and that will make her feel awful.

Children take in everything like a sponge. Although we have a good relationship now, my mother has said some things to me in the past which have stuck with me and made me feel like shit. Your daughter and son know, I'm sure, exactly how you feel about being their mother/having them as children and they will grow up feeling crap. It's very sad. You need to go and seek professional help for your feelings because they're not just affecting you.