to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

I’m worried I’ve outgrown my house without noticing. MrsMarigold , please could your husband come round and let me know.

Sounds like your flat is perfect for your family, right now, and that's just fine. These rude people are projecting - it wouldn't suit them, and that's just fine too, because nobody's asking them to move in!

They are not respecting your choices, that's what this about. Their opinions don't matter and they should just shut up. You don't need to justify your choices to them. Who are they - the house police??

People who don't live in London (or other big cities) don't necessarily get that this is the norm for many people. They don't see the advantages of city living, and therefore judge against what they know.

My MIL definitely judges us for living in a small flat in London, but luckily keeps it to herself. Personally I wouldn't want to bring up kids rurally, where there was no public transport like she did - her kids struggled to visit their friends as teenagers. However, I understand that was the lifestyle she chose, and there were many advantages to it.

I live in an upstairs flat and have raised 3 dcs in it - the 27 year old and 16 year old still live at home. When DS was born (very unexpected) DD2 and DS shared a room, and then eventually DD1 and DD2 shared a room and still do when DD2 comes home. I have house envy on just about every thread on MN - we don't have ensuites, or a utility room , or a play room, or a dining room, or a dishwasher or a tumble dryer....we got a shower put in LAST WEEK!!! height of luxury.
I'm not saying things couldn't be better or easier but hell, we've survived and the kids have done more or less ok. DD1 has founded her own charity, DD2 graduated with a first last year and DS is just finishing an 11 night run playing at the Edinburgh Festival, having passed all his exams last week. Not meant to be a boast but just proving that here on MN you can fall way below the deisred "standard" and still raise a family with less than a million pound house where everyone has their own bedroom.

God how exceedingly rude. If i heard someone making unsolicited comments like that about someone's home I'd think I'd misheard. I'm not surprised you're upset particularly when the implication is that you're depriving your child of some God given right. Plenty of people have good childhoods in London and it depends on far more than a private garden. You are definitely not being U. That said, keep your options open. I was adamant I wouldn't move and then completely changed my mind as the kids got older.

*"oh this place gets smaller every time I visit"

“No, it doesn’t. Perhaps you’re just getting bigger?”*

@breadsticksandhummus

Massively rude. I would never dream of shitting all over someone else's home.

We have a small semi-detached bungalow, and it's cute and we love it. It has a huge garden though - all round the back, front, AND side (coz we are an end plot.)

We know a couple who live not too far away, who have a £250K 3 bed detached house, and every time they see us (only every 3-4 months thankfully,) they make some remark about how they couldn't be doing with somewhere so small, and do we not miss our big 4 bed house (we had it for 20 years til 2015.) We said no, we don't need it as there's only 2 of us now! (Kids left several years ago.)

They actually called our little bungalow a gloried caravan last time we saw them, with a on their face, to make out it was 'only a joke! '

They took a £220K mortgage out at the age of 47, and won't finish it til the age of 67, and it costs them £1200 a month for their mortgage payment alone. They work all the hours God sends, and never go anywhere or ever buy anything new. We were mortgage free by 40, and will both retire at 55. I know who I would rather be.

OP, these bitchy people are jealous. 100% jealous. Anyone who is happy with their life, would not badmouth and berate the choices and lifestyles of others.

I think they are are jealous that you live in London.

I got this from mil when I moved into a second floor flat and my boys had to share a room.

But don't you want a garden?

• there's a shared grassy area out the back of the flats and out the front we're on the edge of Holyrood Park with views up Arthur's Seat!

Why have you given the boys the larger bedroom?

• because there's two of them and they have more clothes plus toys
• because my room gets morning sunlight which I much prefer

Why don't you move to a larger house with a garden?

• because this is all I can afford as a single parent

I think it's lack of ability to think of anything from someone else's point of view. They wouldn't like living there so they genuinely can't understand why you do.

I'm sure most people know what Mr Marigold thinks because we live in a huge but scruffy house in London that hasn't been decorated in years, it's not swirling carpets but it is scruffy, everyone always asks why we haven't done it up and if we really need all the space. However, we have almost no mortgage now. I was just saying to OP that's what her DH's relatives think, everyone has their priorities, we couldn't be without space but it's horses for courses.

Mrs Marigold isn’t allowed an opinion of her own! 😂

Mr Marigold sounds like an oracle, the very count of knowledge. Haha

...fount of knowledge

I don't understand this need for 'space' so many people have. It's rarely a case of needing more space - folk just need less shite cluttering up the place. You wouldn't need all 17 bedrooms then!

I LOVE our little 2 bed flat, OP. Me, 11yo DD and a cat and dog. It's perfect for our needs. The space is so manageable, it's super easy to keep clean and tidy, we have no clutter, and we are stupidly happy here. I would be absolutely gutted if somebody tried to make me feel bad about my flat. It's my home. It means the world to us.

Tell MIL to keep her thoughtless comments to herself. If she cannot do that, explain invitations to visit your home will need to stop. And say it in a sickeningly sweet tone of voice with a big ol' smile on your face. Throw in a MN-worthy head tilt for good measure too!

London is a brilliant city. The end.

@MaryDollNesbitt

I LOVE our little 2 bed flat, OP. Me, 11yo DD and a cat and dog. It's perfect for our needs. The space is so manageable, it's super easy to keep clean and tidy, we have no clutter, and we are stupidly happy here.

This !!! ^

One reason why we love our little bungalow is coz it's easy to clean and manage, and we have £30 a month gas bill, and £40 a month electric. The people we know who live in their 3 bed detached 1980's house, have DOUBLE the bills! We also have a low water bill too, and low maintenance bills.

We had to de-clutter as we moved from a 4 bed house, and we got rid of about a third of our 'stuff.' Hard as I try, I cannot remember what we binned! Shows it wasn't important (or needed!)

Who does that about someone's home? It's very personal and quite nasty. What if someone actually feels uncomfortable in their own home but can't afford to move? That would feel awful.
Two ways to smack down rude guests, 'oh we love our home, wouldn't change it for the world. I don't know how you manage with so many rooms, all that dust and gardening' or 'ooh are you offering us a deposit for a mansion in the countryside?'

Some people just have to comment on everything, try the 'when I want an opinion I'll ask for one'.

When I win the lottery I'm going buy a flat in London

Us too Icantfind

Love the idea of being close to so many things to do.

I think your set up sounds ideal for your DS. He gets to see a lot of you as you are not spending hours commuting and he gets to live in London.

London is a brilliant place for children to grow up. So many places to visit, so much always going on. Why would you give all that up just so he can have a garden that he likely would hardly use?

Me and DH moved out of London almost 20 years ago and we regret it like crazy. We can't afford to move back but if we ever win the lottery we will be back like a shot.

We go back at least once a month for a weekend. Love London so much

i think their jealous knowing how London prices have gone

We hardly ever use our garden. I prefer parks.

You sound like you love your flat, OP. Stay put until you feel ready to go- if ever! I'm not sure I'd cope with a family in such a small space but I'd never dream of saying anything. My home wouldn't suit everyone, either!

I know slightly how you feel. I'm in the middle of buying a flat. It's small but it's where I want to be. I'm in the SE. I am already fed up of "that's mad! You could buy I 3 bed house/a mansion/a dream townhouse for that money where we live!" Err yes.... but I don't want to live where you live.

I'd love to live in London too. All that stuff to do and I wouldn't need a car. 🙏 for a lottery win

My mum is like this OP. We live in a 2 bed flat with 2dc. We actually live on a lovely street in a lovely bit of our pleasant and affluent town. Our flat is worth over twice what my parents house is, theres probably lots of places outside this area we could move to and afford a house, quite a nice house as it happens. But I guess we have made the choice of location over property size. We are well placed for schools and amenities, I dont want to have a house but send my dc to failing schools or be in an area without decent extra curricular, sports, parks. You are lucky to live in London, make the most of it.