to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

Turn it around OP. Tell them DS can live st home when he is at uni, etc.

I can’t see how, with one child, the three of you will outgrow a two bed, unless one of you takes up the drums or you buy a grand piano or similar.

I moved to a new build in the suburbs. It has four rooms. I have two children. We have a room we don’t need that is full of clutter. We have a garden that is in the shade and nothing grows in it. It is a soul less place. There are limited transport links. I really dislike it. Give me an apt in the city with good transport any day!!!

I get the same comments OP. We (me, DP & 2 DC) live in a 2 bed flat I bought several years ago. The property value has increased significantly and if we sold we could get bigger property with the fabled garden outside London but..I don't want to move. We have so much on our doorstep. This doesn't prevent friends and relatives who live outside London commenting, commiserating about the lack of a garden and even speculating that 2 year old DS will end up joining a gang if I don't leave London

She's incredibly rude. Your husband needs to tell her to pack it in if she wants to continue to visit.

One of our big pluses for staying in a smaller place over moving out to a large place out of the city was commute times. Our current place is a 20 minute commute by rail. We could have got a larger place with lots of land further out for the same price, but the commute would have gone up to an hour and a half or driving and then the stress of parking. (Though, to be fair, in London it’s all about how close you are to a railway or tube line that takes you close to work. Bus commuting and connections can make journeys long even when you live close in).

My parents were the same - they had a gorgeous flat in a beautiful part of my home city and the incessant "Oh the poor child with no garden..." "I thought you had a good job - why are you still stuck in a flat?" from my grandmother (bear in mind that the flat was worth about 5 times what her suburban house was) wore them down and we moved to a shit house in the suburbs. My parents NEVER stopped regretting the move, esp. when prices went up too high for them to be able to undo it later.

We live in central London now and LOVE it. What is this fetish for individual gardens? Our local park and playground is FABULOUS.

We live in a great London borough, good schools, lots of green space, easy commute into the centre but also lots of interesting things locally as well as local jobs. We moved here from a central flat, thinking that we would move on to a bigger place within a few years, but property inflation and life beat us to it and we are still here in the small Victorian terrace with small garden.

My DDs used to play out there when they were very small but hardly ventured out there past about 6 - we have a gorgeous park for riding bikes and running about, with big playgrounds and then when they got older, there were so many opportunities for dance, gym, sports within easy reach. I don’t feel they lost out despite many friends making a move outwards and having much bigger properties. They blessed our location when they came back from uni and job opportunities were within easy commute.

I have had a couple of ‘ are you still in X Road there, then ?’ remarks over the years - we didn’t follow the usual tidal wash in my social circle of into London post uni then out again post children. One beauty was a a Mother of Boys ( how she frequently described herself, 🙄) who said “ I just don’t know how you manage in such a small house !” to which I replied “ oh, it’s easy when you have two well behaved girls, rather than a bunch of ill mannered and destructive horrors, ha ha ha “ ( Not my finest moment but her youngest was jumping off the back of my sofa at the time )

As someone who has lived both in London and NotLondon, I think I’d find myself being really patronising and telling her she wouldn’t understand, not living in London. I’d be slightly pitying.

and even speculating that 2 year old DS will end up joining a gang if I don't leave London

I reckon you’ve got a good 5 years before you need to worry about that

I hear you, I'm in a similar small house with a tiny garden but guess what, it's handy for C London, good local amenities and schools, small mortgage. If I were to upsize (as most of my rude folks suggest), I would have to move farther out of London and incur longer commutes, stamp duty etc. Whenever these "helpful" suggestions crop up, I ignore. Some people have no filter. Stick with where you are OP, it's no one else's business.

DH is very polite and never comments, but says to me, he is surprised at how many people have outgrown their homes and are in total denial because they are convenient, fond of the house etc. They are cluttered and just too small

Oh God. Is he my BIL? If he is, does he realise that though he never says anything, his utter bewilderment that we are still in our house (3 bed semi, but we have 3DCs and the fact that two have to share I think makes his brain implode) is written all over his face every time he comes through the door. I find it really quite sad that he is so uncomprehending that anyone can fail to follow the same path as him. In fact, just after my DH had lost his remaining parent, BIL says "so now you'll be moving somewhere bigger, of course". No, dear BIL, we won't. Not everyone is bothered about presenting the big successful front to the world. I really don't get why these people feel they have the right to comment. Try and ignore OP. They are only showing themselves up.

OP I sympathise. As soon as DS1 was born (he’s now 18), My DM, MIL and various other family members started dropping not so subtle hints about when, not if, we were going to move out of London. There was definitely a trend to move out as DC reached school age as London schools used to be pretty dire. That isn’t the case now and London schools are among the best in the country.
We have a small garden but are a stones throw from a huge park which has a massive adventure playground and a paddling pool.
I grew up in a soulless suburb and remember being bored out of my skull and relying on my DPs to take me anywhere.
My DC have had a brilliant upbringing here.
I have barely seen 15 year old DD since she broke up for the holidays. Just had a text from her saying she is in Covent Garden and that she and her friends are planning on going to Nando’s and the en to a rooftop cinema. She can get on absolutely any bus for free.
Making negative comments about anyone’s house/flat is just rude.

Our house is quite scruffy and we haven’t really done much in the way of decorating, but we’re happy here.

A few years ago one of DS’s friends came round and said to DS, “so when are your parents going to start renovating?”

How we laughed.

It seems to me it is considered fair game to insult Londoners about their houses.

Hell yes. And about living in That London full stop.

I'd never say to my or DP's family 'I don't know how you can stand living in the arse-end of dreary small-town Scotland where everyone wants to know your business and it rains all the time and there's no fucking pavements because everyone drives, so they don't know their neighbours'

or 'I don't know how you can stand living in this stultifying retirement camp town where everything is closed on a Sunday and people stare if one of your party isn't white or has 'an accent'.

I live in a tiny three bed flat with 3 kids. One is nearly a teen. I'm never moving!

We have a garden. Never gets used apart from a few bbqs in the summer. I would happily live in a flat as long as there are parks around.
Next time just tell them you love your home so does your ds. So stop with all the judgy comments as it’s upsetting you.

We live in a tiny two bed with DS, 2 huge dogs and a cat.

Everyone comments about ‘fitting everyone in’

We do want to move though but sadly finances don’t allow for another few years!

When i go to someone's home i would only ever pick out positive things to say about it. Because I'm not bloody rude

We live in a tiny two bed with DS, 2 huge dogs and a cat.
Everyone comments about ‘fitting everyone in
Probably in MN world each cat and dog is supposed to have it's own bedroom.

*"oh this place gets smaller every time I visit"

How about making it your last then?... is what I’d reply. She’s incredibly rude to say that to you. Your set up sounds perfect and as long as you’re happy there that’s what matters.

On a serious note, I’d be ‘hosting’ her at a local cafe/restaurant/pub next time and not invite her into my home. Being in London you’re lucky enough to have plenty of fab choices of where to eat out too

"She thinks London is a dreadful crime ridden hellhole infested with gangs and drugs" sounds pretty accurate to me. It's a sh!thole.

People have different opinions and like different things, your MIL should except that you are happy where you are.

For me London is my idea of hell but that’s because I have always lived outside the city so that’s what I am used too. I have a 3 bed house with a big garden, do my kids play in it? Hardly ever

Thanks for your input alpha, have you lived in every area of London then? I seem to have managed to reach the age of 30 living here without joining a gang, getting mugged or becoming a drug addict, so maybe I am doing it wrong!!

Probably in MN world each cat and dog is supposed to have it's own bedroom.

😂😂😂😂 So true.

When I win the lottery I'm going buy a flat in London. I think its a great place to bring small kids up. Lots of amazing free public transport, some of the best museums in the world, the wonderful free parks. There is always something going on. Then when the children get older, they can have so much independence as they are not reliant on their parents for lifts everywhere.

It sounds like a nice set up to be living in a two bedroomed flat in central London. There’s room enough for all of you, your commute is minimal and you have the world’s greatest city on your doorstep.