to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

This is so funny because its so true, thanks.

I teach in a central London prep school with many very wealthy families - both English and international. Over half my class of 20 kids I would say live in flats with no gardens. And by flats, I don't mean rambling mansion block apartments - I do mean 2-3 bedroom flats. They are far from suffering from it and gain so much from living in the amazing city that London is, the vast amounts of parks and green space it has and the fact their parents have minimal commutes so are around a lot (compared to my parents who arrived back at around 7pm every night earliest on the commuter train out to Surrey!).

I had exactly the same from my MIL and I sympathise. We live in central London in a very nice flat with residential gardens, each child has their own bedroom, plus there’s a master bedroom, a large living room and balcony. Schools within 15 mins’ walk, my office 20 mins’ walk - so we don’t need to commute anywhere. A luxury in my view.

The number of times I received ‘well-meaning’ comments about children needing their own garden (a massive garden just downstairs doesn’t count) and us needing ‘a proper home’, i.e. a house preferably close to the in-laws! It went on and on, despite me explaining over and over again that we’re happy there and have enough space for everybody. After a few years it gradually stopped when MIL saw we’re not planning to move, and after we suggested, half-jokingly, that if she could contribute hundreds of thousands of pounds to help is buy a house in the same location, we might consider moving. We were close to suggesting to our in-laws to stop visiting us at out place if they didn’t like it.

The snobbery and tactlessness that emerges from such rude comments about other people’s living arrangements is, frankly, disgusting.

And by the way, there are millions of kids raised without a house with a private garden, and I’m sure they grow into normal adults. Sharing space with your family, and a bedroom with your sibling can teach you important life skills. It’s not surprising we’re raising a spoilt, entitled generation, if anything less than luxury is regarded as deprivation.

She thinks London is a dreadful crime ridden hellhole infested with gangs and drugs

Sounds like she knows London well

YANBU. We get this from our in laws too. We don't live in London but we're in a 2 bedroom tenement flat in another major city. It's fairly big, decent sized kitchen, both bedrooms have an ensuite. And there's a park with a kids play area across the road. It's near both our workplaces too so no commute and we can have just one car. But since having DC2 it's literally all we hear - "oh you'll have to move now. If you left the city centre you'd get so much more for your money". We may well end up moving but I just find it so rude that people feel that it's ok to comment on our home!

As for running out of space, or being cluttered - thanks to DH being incredibly organised and houseproud our place is actually much cleaner and tidier than a lot of our critics houses with spare rooms/playrooms/attics to store endless amounts of shite.

Sorry coffee, I would respond to you but DH and I are busy prepping the members of our street gang for our evening of moped muggings. Don't worry about DS though - our drug dealer will be babysitting.

I think some people are just plain rude & opinionated.

We have the opposite situation in that we live in a bigger house, that was a doer upper, with one D.C. we've had it 2 fold.

One old friend turned up on our doorstep unannounced with her 2 very boisterous & into everything toddlers. We were mid way through renovating the kitchen & living-room, so it was all a bit upside down, walls stripped for decorating etc. Our own DD was well trained in what was dangerous & Just wasn't into everything the way her 2 were. She tutted & complained all the way through her boys getting into things such as tools we had just been using & went in to complain that we were living in squat conditions & SS would have a field day 🤔 DD was actually with her aunt that day, so wasn't even there & she had no idea what we left out when DD was around.

We've also had a whole old friendship group of mine set about me not long after we moved in & tell me how we were greedy to need so much space & should sell up & downsize. I have a home studio to work from you morons Every time they visited they had something to say - all whilst making good use of our hospitality - & spare bedrooms 😐

I lived in Ldn, in a flat no garden
Hell yea folk telling me I could get a x bedroom house,garden for what I paid in rent
Except it was not London and not relevant
Enjoy London it’s no hardship not having a garden with so many great parks

We're perfectly happy sacrificing a bigger house for all the benefits that living in London brings. Isn't it strange that we all have different priorities. Rinse and repeat.

I love having a tube station five mins away and useful local shops. My garden was great when kids were young. Now it’s just a pain in the neck. Stick with what you’ve got! Ignore the critics!

Unfortunately some folk have the London speech,and it’s tiresome
They’ll overlook the culture,the vibe,the amenities to tell you how hellish it is
Here’s the thing not everyone wants a Cala home in the burbs.thats my idea of hell
I’d hate to live in a neat estate,lil garden,and parking space.its not everyone’s dream

I think London is a hell hole and you'd have to pay me to live there...

But I wouldn't dream of telling anyone that I thought their choices were bonkers..even if i thought they were!

Probably people comment because they are genuinely shocked that anyone would chose to live in that way when they could live in luxury elsewhere. We can't even afford to get on the property ladder (North West) but I bet your tiny flat would buy 3 of what I would kill to live in. That's what makes people tilt their head and think, what on earth are they doing.

But I've said all this on here. Wouldn't say it to your face. Ignore!

My kids NEVER go in the garden!

I had to google a cala home. Never heard of them. But I like the look of them. They look very luxurious. I'm sick of everything being past its best. If you gave me a Cala home I"d say 'thank you'.

We can't even afford to get on the property ladder (North West) but I bet your tiny flat would buy 3 of what I would kill to live in.

Well maybe but if we lived in the NW our budget would not have been 350k.

That's also what people don't think about. Unless we stay in commuting distance to London, we will not be able to afford a massive house elsewhere as our salaries would slash down completely.

Yes Breadsticks, I'm always baffled by the 'you could buy three houses for that up here' argument - have heard it many times.

What people who say this don't seem to grasp is that a London salary is paying the mortgage - most of us don't have 350k to pull out of our arse for a castle in Scotland or whatever. So there's no real comparison - property and job are inextricably connected. I have tried explaining this to my parents til I'm blue in the face, but they can't/won't get it.

And weirdly if your London house goes up in value do you could actually buy a castle in Scotland if you sold it, that's somehow considered terrible and wrong so you can't win.

Returning late to the thread.

The OP is happy with her choices, which is great. I'm also happy with my choices and that's great too. Everyone's a winner.

My DS's sports partner lives in London (this sport requires two people). DS came home round-eyed saying "Mum, they live in a 2up-2down. It's TINY. Plus it's grubby. And they don't have a garden. Plus they're right on the street. I know it's Chelsea and all that but it's noisy and dirty."

Ah, yes. This is another thing that annoys me - "If you picked up our house and moved it to Bath/Cambridge/Harrogate it'd be worth £1m!"
Maybe, but when you paid £50k for it in nowhereville in 1989 it'd have been five times that in Cambridge so out of your budget in the first place. D'oh.

A family member recently tagged me in a clutter and depression article. Despite knowing my circumstances also moans about our house, no matter how much I do to make it nice. So I understand how annoyed you feel!

Gosh Thesearepearls, I'd have thought you'd have brought him up a little better than that!

He sounds like an impudent little git.

Somebody called the suburbs the burbs.🤣😂

Wow @Thesearepearls I’d be livid if my child was so rude about someone else’s home!

In that case Thesearepearls you really shouldn't allow your son to go back there. He'll be spared the horrible slum living conditions of his sports' partner and his sports' partner and family will be spared being the subject of snide gossip on the part of your snotty, ill-bred son. Everyone's a winner.