to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

This one is easy - You are clearly a Townie - whereas I suspect your DH is a bumpkin - he’s asked his relations to lay it on thick about the unsuitability of city living for kids - as he wants a better life in the country for his kids (and he’s right) get off your ignorant horse and realise cities are for working not living - on sad types stay - grow up and move on.. see some cows, milk a pig and suckle a goat - it makes sense.

sorry about typos got carried away with rage

and the cities great for kids

My SIL is like this with our house, we bought our council house & love it here, it’s got everything we need, but my SIL passed comment once that no matter how bad things got she would never live in a council house! She has recently moved into a big 3 bed house with a big mortgage to match! Our house is cheap to run, I like my neighbours & we’ve done it up to how we like it.

We live on the Lewisham borders. Very green, leafy, trendy area. Big flat (3 beds, study and eat in kitchen... and a garden!) Very quiet street. Less than 1 minute walk to our very good school. We still get comments.. My stock answer is that I couldn't live from than 10mn walk from an independent bookshop. Crush snobbery with snobbery.

i just say well anywhere else is utterly boring !!!!
nanny this makes you as bad as the people complain8ng about your house. And also reveals you as pretty arrogant and ignorant.

see some cows, milk a pig and suckle a goat - it makes sense.
Ah, all those Archers storylines about milking the pigs.

Hey OP, I grew up very close to where you are: 2 mins walk from Blackheath and Greenwich Park in a teeny 3 bed terraced house with an extra teeny "garden". My mum always used to say that area was hardly like being in London at all, there were so many green spaces.

Having lived in London commuter areas for a few years after uni, DH and I moved to the north of England when our eldest 2 DCs were tiny. We now live in a large Victorian house with a small backyard. We made a conscious decision to compromise on outside space in order to gain more inside space because that suited the way we lived. My DCs are normal, well adjusted young people, now all in their teens. The lack of a garden does not seem to have affected their development in any way, you'll be relieved to know. They do not freak out and panic when they see grass, contrary to commonly held Mumsnet beliefs. They are able to eat fruit and veg quite happily, even though they have neither grown nor picked it themselves. I am confident that their gardenless childhoods have not stunted their futures as upstanding members of society, although it is fair to say they may well come last in any future swingball tournaments.
Your lovely flat in a great part of an amazing city suits the way you choose to live your lives. It is nobody's business but yours where you live or why you choose to live there.

People can think what they like about other people's houses and the way they choose to live, but it's downright bloody rude to say it in. It's insulting.

These people seem not to care about hurting other people's feelings, so I think you'd be well within your rights to challenge them. Think up some things you could say to them, or questions you could ask when they insult you, or just point out to them that it's hurtful or unfair of them to say these things. Hopefully they will be shamefaced and apologetic.

Lots of people have the idea that when you have children you must move out if London and live in suburbia as that’s what families do. There is no logical reason for this as London is a fantastic place to bring up children with many more parks, museums, theatres etc to keep them stimulated than most other places.
Perhaps they need reminding that everyone has different priorities and you don’t question theirs

My MIL used to visit us in London and look down her nose as everything. Further visits were not encouraged.

So rude op. It's actually nothing to do with London etc, it's commenting on someone's home that they've chosen and they're probably working hard to pay for!! We got this from DH's family 'You could probably get your foot in the bath if you stick it out of your bed' was one comment! Thought they were hilarious! Grrr..

I love where I live, in the wilds of Cornwall with loads of space and green and sea blah blah, but, and this is not a stealth boast, my bloody garden is massive and backbreaking to keep in check (consequently three quarters of it sports the 'wild' look ha ha).

We are in the middle of bloody nowhere, sixty miles from a city. Ok, so it's the extreme other end of the scale, but it ain't all it's cracked up to be .

All those people who diss you are just projecting, of course. Fuck 'em.

Just point out if you did move outside London for the sake of a garden then both you and DH would have expenses travelling to work, perhaps longer childcare costs, and a lot less time with D'S. I do wish at times I lived where there were no gardens as kids screaming and shouting, thumping of trampolines drives me over the edge some days. Do what you are comfortable with in life and to heck with others

Kaybush at 17.43
Didn't David Bailey say 'If you're tired of London, you're tired of life'?

That was Samuel Johnson, over two hundred years ago. (He was right of course).

I live in a rather large house in the country. Huge rooms, lots of dogs, horses (not in the house!), animals -lots of space to run around for my children. We have a huge log burner, aga, field gate, huge drive etc and my parents commented 'This place is too big for you, it's bigger than ours' -'How the hell do you keep it clean?' (I have a cleaner), 'How do you keep on top of the garden?' (I have a gardener), 'How do you look after all these animals?' (I get up early as do the kids and we do our animals -we then get people in mid-day) and the final one 'Why don't your kids seem capable of sitting down for an afternoon and watching tv -they always running off and up a tree reading a book?' -so quite frankly it's anything to have a moan. I would and do say on repeat 'It's my choice, no one forces a visit' -I don't complain they have a 7 bedroom house and 2 acres for just the two of them! Some people are projecting.............

I get this often and it really grates on me. I have a park opposite my flat. Literally walk outside, cross over the road and we are there. It has an adventure playground, kids playground, skate park and green space. If I walk out of the same door of my flat and turn right I am in the thick of a nature reserve in 30 seconds. There are 2 other parks within walking distance. Why on earth would I want a garden when I have all this on my doorstep?

nannyKatherine I would be interested in hearing how a couple and 2 dc can live comfortably in a studio flat? A studio is one room, right?

I also call bullshit on the prices people are claiming they paid for a 2 bed flat in a decent area of London.

Zoopla can help you get your head around such unfathomable ideas.

Funny, isn’t it, how many people can’t be content with what they have without feeling the need to denigrate what others have and are happy with, if it happens to be different?

OP, your life sounds awesome. We had the choice 10 years ago to jump SE or SW. We went SW, mainly for DH’s job (and sold our flat 5 years ago for less than yours cost, naice area of outer London, would make the PP’s head explode!)

I love where we live but I often muse about the SE London life we might have had. We have lots of friends fairly near you, it’s a brilliant area.

I think it's really rude. On the estate I grew up on, lots of my friends lived in blocks of flats - completely fine, obviously!! Also, you're in London - I'm in the country and much as I love it, the one thing I would love to have given my child is access to all the free museums, and parks and culture that is London, every weekend.

russianwife

You on the sauce?

Thanks for the replies all (besides the obvious fruit loops).

The thing about London prices, and this has always been the case really, is that people buy in "up and coming areas" and then the prices rise with gentrification. It's not rocket science - Kirsty and Phil advocate it. I have lived in my neighbourhood for 15 years and have seen it change. I couldn't afford to buy here now, but I'd buy in the equivalent of my neighbourhood and watch it change too. Obviously there is question mark about the sustainability of this model as more and more affordable places become out of reach of those on moderate salaries, and rents are a different question altogether, but it's why there is nothing "bullshit" about people saying they live in lovely communities with mortgages they can afford. They just took a punt when the likes of Katie were sneering at their neighbourhood.

They are bloody rude and presumptuous! Tell them politely: It’s your home, your choice where you live. They probably won’t shut up about it though ;-)

I just think people feel able to say things to family members they wouldn’t say to anyone else. My sister came recently for an overnight stay and remarked thst the front room had ‘no comfort’. I think she meant there are no carpets and only one sofa but that’s because there’s only me living in it and i only need one sofa and i don’t like carpets! Just ignore.

Your home sounds lovely OP and perfect for your family. Ignore what other people think. Their rudeness is not your problem, don’t let it bother you 😉