to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

you sound angry and defensive

No, that's you trying to shut down me and others who disagree with you. Go bait your hook for someone else.

How rude!!! Some people just can't be nice. We lived in a 2 bed flat in East London for the last 5 yrs with our son. The bedrooms were big & we had a small back garden, we were very happy there but my FIL always found things to complain about.

Things changed due to landlords family circumstances and we moved to a 3 bed house with a big garden, 10 minutes away in Essex. My FIL still comes here and says it's too small, & why don't we have a downstairs toilet etc.

I've no idea what his issues are as we love this place and it's perfect for us so I try and just ignore him now!

What is sad is that DH won't visit them because he's anxious about picking up an infection on the plane or the underground and being ill for weeks so they have to visit us.

He needs to seek professional help. My family all caught swine flu when we lived in a very rural location. Any contact with people can result in disease.

OP you live near me - and I share every bit of your enthusiasm for our fantastic area. I have also dealt with more than my fair share of crappy comments from family and 'friends' over the years about our small living space. Fuck 'em all - we have the world's best city going on all around us. It's an excellent place for children to grow up.

I can think of nothing worse than living in a flat or house with a spare room - the commenters-of-doom would want to come and stay. The horror.

She thinks London is a dreadful crime ridden hellhole infested with gangs and drugs

She's got a point

My family all think I am mad for living in London and my Mum feels sorry for my child being brought up here. I absolutely love living in London and would never move anywhere else. I feel my daughter has loads of great opportunities in London and we make the most of London life. I grew up in the countryside in a massive house with a big garden and a swimming pool, and to be honest, I much prefer living in my small flat in a city which doesn’t have a garden either. We go to the park and go on walks and there is no hassle of having to maintain an outside space. Each to their own. It is annoying that they don’t respect your preferences but just be quite firm and clear and say you are happy where you are, conversation closed when they bring it up.

My parents were positively embarrassed 20yrs ago when we bought a terraced house in Zone 2. They live in the suburbs of a city in NW England in a detached bungalow - they had a shock when they tried to sell it and move nearer. These days we would be incredibly lucky to be able to afford a 2 bed - well done, use the parks like everyone does in London and enjoy x

It sounds as though you have a great set up which suits your family very well. We brought our dcs up in modest circumstances in London and sometimes people said similar things to us. I would always reply something like 'actually we're very happy here, it suits us' which seemed to surprise them and shut them up.

I dont know why some people feel it's ok to judge other peoples' choices or circumstances but I suspect it may be to validate their own perhaps? I completely agree it's a wind up though.

I've never been a fan of London and I do love my Garden and so does my DS. But I would never judge another person's home. One of the best homes I saw was a tiny two bed flat without a garden. The lady in question had two kids a 3yo DD and a 4yo DS they were content. The parents had the smaller bedroom and the second bedroom was just amazing. Both kids had everything they could dream of in it. Thier dad had made them both adventure beds, the girls was like a princess castle, with a little story knook to sit and read and the boys was a fire engine bunk bed with lights and Button to press and a fire pole, the two were joined in the middle by an activity spare bed looking like a treehouse for thier friends to sleep over with a slide and climbing frame you would have to see it to appreciate it it was truly amazing. Thier kitchen was small but they had a large window and a whole wall made into a herb garden. You can make a small place into anything you want and as long as you are happy there then ignore them or just calmly turn round and say "Oh we have no plans on moving, we are content here and it's ideal for us all"
I have moved a lot and I we were settled before we had DS in a perfect little place, we would have probably been happy to stay had it not have been lack of bedroom for DS as it was 1 bed and no spare room to convert, as it was rented we were refused permission to adapt loft at our cost so had to move. Some people said that wasn't ideal as it was a bungalow among old people and the only garden was communal but they seemed to ignore the great big park on other side of the fence and the fact that the old people loved the idea of a th youngster been around and many were gutted when we left. We are now in a bungalow among old people and are content but do miss some aspects of our last home. We have our garden and three bedrooms. One is a craft room for me and DS. But I would move back in an instance if I could have had two bedrooms.

Very rude to comment negatively about others’ homes.

I grew up in a near mansion, and my family life was miserable.

I think London can be one of the BEST places to bring up a child and nearly everyone I know who grew up there has done well and is well balanced.

Didn't David Bailey say 'If you're tired of London, you're tired of life'?

For what it's worth, we don't live in London and I was brought up in a large house in a seaside town with a huge garden. My mum says me and my DS rarely played in it and were always asking to be taken to nearby parks so we could mix with other children.

Stay put OP!

If you & hubby & DS are happy then that's all that matters, should that change then you make a different choice that suits the 3 of you - no-one else matters xx

Haven't read the whole thread but you have access to the best museums and art galleries in the world. In European cities flat dwelling is the norm and will be in London in the next twenty years. Your son will be enriched by the parks, people and culture of London. I can't imagine living on a new build housing estate in the suburbs, but some people love it. Enjoy your home.

There was a very similar thread not so long ago.
O P your MIL is being rude but YABU for getting worked up about it. I think as well if you are not accustomed to children living in flats (where I am it is largely associated with deprivation) it can seem a bit 'will no one think about the children?!'

There was a documentary on C5 about children living in tower blocks in London and Stockport and I think the children all said they wished they had a garden (even though they all had access to green space). I must admit I did feel a bit sorry for some of them as the living space was so small.

I live in a cheapish - by- London standards city and know 2 fami!he's that left houses for flats in London. I must admit I thought they were mad, it was a massive curve in the sense that their dc had to get rid of most of their toys and in one family there were 5 children between 2 small bedrooms, with teen boys/girls sharing which I felt was quite unfair.

OK if you love your home it really doesn't matter what others think.

People who don't live in London and don't want to don't get the plus sides to being there. It's your choice and none of their business. Just rise above it as unlikely sell change her attitude. Just think she says this because she doesn't understand how you can choose a life so differently from what she'd have wanted.

She thinks London is a dreadful crime ridden hellhole infested with gangs and drugs

She's got a point

Yeah, in this city of millions of people, we're all living like it's downtown Compton

FFS

I didn't even grow up in the countryside, just in regular suburbia. But for the most, I was was still largely dependent on my parents for lifts everywhere, until I could get my licence at 17. Friends who lived more rurally were absolutely stuffed without a parent to ferry them around.

I was unbelievably jealous when I met other teens who lived in London and had so much freedom from such a young age. And had so much more to do!

I cannot imagine living anywhere where I was dependent on a car. I can drive, it was my key to independence when I turned 17, but it's so incredibly liberating to have everything on my doorstep, and fantastic public transport. Other friends' fantasies when we were kids were to have large farmhouses in the country and horses and stables when they grew up. Mine was a super cool city pad in London. Different strokes for different folks :)

When we lived in London our next door neighbors had a DD who was of school age who didn’t have a bedroom they had a little bed for her in the hall if there 1 bed rental they didn’t have any out side space either!! It’s london life we left because I wanted space but I love London so much and wish we hadn’t!! I think people are so ignorant to property prices in London but the lifestyle and convenience of everything more than makes up for lack of space in your home!! It encourages you to get out an live more :)

Also, we just moved out of London, we were in a decent size two bed w two kids under 4. It was mainly me who wanted more space and was tired of the financial pressure. The kids loved their life, we always took them to parks and playgrounds and museums and visits and all the activities available in London for families more than made up for the lack of a garden. I think not having a garden is mainly hard on the parents, as they have to trek around to find activities and outdoor space for the kids, if they manage that the kids are fine and there are so many advantages to growing up in London in terms of diversity, culture, good schools and network, you pay for them w less access to nature and fresh air etc, goes without saying, but none of the people I know who grew up in big cities, London including, say they didn't like it. In fact most people I know who grew up in London love the city and still want to live there, they only ever move because they're priced out! On the other hand, many people who grew up in suburbs would never go back there. But both has advantages and disadvantages, it's up to you to make your choice and if you feel secure in it, then just ignore critical commetns.

My dm was brought up in a similar scenario i.e flat in the centre of a large city. Again she was an only child. She really struggled coming to terms with living out of a city. She felt trapped, hardly any public transport etc and even going and buying a pint of milk was a journey. Some people are just not cut out for suburban living, they love the hustle and bustle. When we used to visit our dgm it felt like a massive adventure. Our dgm never left the flat until she died, and she though my dm was insane to live in the middle of nowhere. It’s horses for courses, perhaps say if she’d like to donate the money you would gladly locate to a similarly located home.

*house

I have not read all the comments but I would like to say that you are very fortunate to have a flat in London. Not being able to drive makes living in London ideal. Children who grow up in London have many advantages.

This sure brought back memories for me - I used to get so many comments when my children were younger. Like you I don’t really see why people feel the need to make such negative comments. Now my children are teenagers they just love London. I grew up in a big house in the country- pretty lonely actually

Children need secure loving relationships.children thrive when they have this and it seems like yours has not only you two but also family near by.you have access to everything to entertain your child on your doorstep and it sounds like you are happy with what you have.your child will feel this too.Enjoy what you have as you have what you need.

ignore them
i live i london too and get this all the time
why dont you move out
blah blah
i just say well anywhere else is utterly boring !!!!
and i had friends who lived in a studio flat with their kids unroll they saved enough fir s fkat with bedrooms
oh i forgot my friend and her husband are still in a studio flat
with third TWINS aged FIVE !!
they are all fine have a great life and the kids have loving parents which is most important thing ..,