to be sick and tired of people being rude about our home?

[Breadsticksandhummus]

We (DH, me and 2 year old DS) live in a 2 bedroom flat in London. It's pretty small, but it's not tiny. It doesn't have a garden. We bought it four years ago, are not planning any more DC and have no plans to move. It's 30 minutes away from my mum's and we have a great support network in this area. DH's commute is quick and easy (I work from home).

So we are fine. We are happy. And yet I am SO sick and tired of comments (mainly from DH's family, but also from some extended members of mine and a few friends) about "poor DS" "not having enough space to run round" and expressing shock and horror that for the same price of this flat in London we could have bought a house outside London, constantly asking when we're planning on moving etc etc. Yesterday when MIL was here she said "oh this place gets smaller every time I visit".

I find it really insulting and upsetting. We've done it up nicely. We keep it tidy, clean and clutter free. DS has a nice home here with everything he needs. OK we have no garden but we have at least 3 or 4 lovely big parks within walking distance of the flat, a garden at my mum's and he has a lovely big garden at nursery which he goes to 3 days a week. I can't drive for medical reasons so being in London is incredibly convenient for me as I can simply walk or get public transport everywhere.

I wouldn't dream of visiting someone else's home and making such comments. Why do they do it?!

These threads always go like this because some people can't resist telling you how a London child is a deprived child

Omg I've just checked back in here after a morning out (at a farm park!!) and I've just seen the £2m comment.

Our flat was 350k

I have always walked a lot more in cities than I have in the country, where I used the car a lot more (no pavements in a lot of places and very long distances).

Our flat was 350k

There, I knew YWBU, OP. Don't you know your 350k would buy you a 12000sq ft mansion on 25 acres in the Outer Hebrides? Your DH's commute would involve a boat, a plane and a train obvs and shopping would be a nightmare but at least your poor, deprived dc would have a garden!

I’m sure people in London walk more than elsewhere. They’re thinner anyway!

Anyone in a city walks more. It’s one of life’s ironies.

@breadsticksandhummus

If your flat was £350K, then you either bought it more than 2 decades ago, or you don't live in the swanky, prosperous, leafy 'village type' area you have been claiming all the way through the thread.

The kind of apartment in London that you have been describing, and all the wonderfulness around it that you have described, you would not get for £350K.

No matter what anyone says, living in London is not the exciting amazing experience some people paint it as, unless you have money.

Most ordinary people cannot afford to live there, and many people have been forced out. Some posters on here are so busy singing the praises of London and how AMAZING it is, that they are ignoring the fact that most ordinary folk on basic pay (or benefits) cannot afford to live there.

As I said, I am not going to say kids are deprived by having no garden, and if they know no different that's fine. But as I said, I know/have known a number of people who live in flats who have kids and they absolutely hate having no garden. Every single one of the 5 or 6 people I know right now, are on the housing list to be moved to a house, (if they rent) or are planning on selling the flat soon and upgrading to a house.

It's all very well saying 'we have a park down the road, and all these museums, and art galleries, and a shop open 24/7 two minutes walk from our block of flats blah blah blah,' but having a park 'not far from your flat,' is not the same as having your own garden, not on any level.

People can claim they never use their garden as much as they like, but I don't know anyone who has a garden and never uses it, especially if they have children! 'Oh we have a garden but prefer to lug ourselves 15 minutes walk away to the local park, to play and go on the swings, and never ever use the garden.' I call bullshit.

I grew up in a house with a big garden, a huge corner plot with lots of banks and quirky corners and hiding places, and me and my brother had the best life in that garden. Our dogs absolutely loved it too.

When I was 23, I moved into a flat with my boyfriend, (now DH) and although it was a lovely little flat, and 5 minutes walk away from the shops and bus stop, I really hated having no garden. 3 years we stayed there, and every day I missed having a garden.

Having no garden was the main reason for moving in the end. I could stand it no longer, and as we were planning children, I wasn't having children in a 3rd floor flat with no lift (and just steps up to the flat,) and no garden! So after 3 years we moved into a 3 bed house with a big garden.

Me and DH have always had a house with a garden since then, and I would never ever have a place with no garden again. I spend half my waking hours in my garden, and the kids have always loved it too.

I reckon the people who supposedly comment on the OP's home are rude to say it, but it's probably because they can't fathom why someone would want to live in an over-populated, polluted, expensive, crime-ridden major city, in a flat with no garden, where it's hard to get your kids into a nice school, JUST so they can live 'in London.' It's great to visit, as there is lots to see, but I prefer to live somewhere else, and commute in to visit.

I think the main thing people ignore when they start talking about "kids" and gardens is that only children like the OP's often don't use them. I'm an only and had a swing and a slide. Three goes down a slide on your own or 10 minutes in a paddling pool and you're done. I was always out at the park with friends or round friends' houses as then there'd be me plus friend and a sibling.

It's definitely partly generational. My in-laws downsized from a gigantic 4 bed detached (their version of necessary for a family home) to... a 5 bed semi-detached townhouse with a small garden. Two of them, no pets. They looked bewildered at the thought of not having a spare double room, spare single and a dressing room for MiL.

Kate you are the one with a very narrow idea of what constitutes an acceptable area of London. My house was £400k, as it happens, less than ten years ago, nd is in a similar location to the OP but in the north. In any case it's irrelevant. The OP is happy with her particular circumstances, she has not said anyone else should try to emulate them

kate

We bought four years ago. I never claimed to live in a village, not sure where you got that from. Nor did I say I lived in a swanky area. I live in a nice, quiet, family friendly part of lewisham with good primary schools, lovely parks, excellent transport links and a great support network.

You can think I'm lying if you want . I like my area, and it does have all these nice things on my doorstep. Some parts of Lewisham are rough, but so are some parts of Fulham. That's what London is.

JUST so they can live 'in London.

Well also its because all my family and friends live here and it was very important to me to have support around me.

I have not said a single negative thing about living out of London. Your posts say much more about you than me.

katielouise that is a ridiculously narrow way of thinking. Is it really so inconceivable to you that other people have different tastes in lifestyle, preferences as to urban or rural living, and thus make different choices? Are you the same with foodstuffs? You don't like cheese therefore no one else could possibly like it and if they say they do they're lying?

I've lived in so many different places both with and without dc, I was happy in all of them at those times. My dc didn't suffer unduly from not having a garden when we were city living, one of them lives in London now in circumstances similar to the OP. They're happy, their work is there, their friends are there, their little apartment is lovely and my dgs is far from deprived in any way.

I remember when I was 11, we moved into the brand new semi with big garden my parents bought in the suburbs after living my whole life prior to that in an inner city terrace. First thing my dad did was lay a lawn and plant tons of shrubs and flower beds and BAN me and my brother from setting foot out there in case we damaged something!

I'm actually getting annoyed again. You would prefer to live somewhere else. Go right ahead, no one is saying that is wrong. It's a good job plenty of people like London and aren't busy overpopulating and polluting your area isn't it? Plenty of people have said they like the park. You don't so you disbelieve them. It's annoying. You may have played wonderfully with your brother the whole time. My kids and I like the neutral space and opportunity for interaction in the park. We like having a garden too but it isn't essential. We lived without it for a year during building works and it's an unusable bog 6 months of the year.

I live in a fantastic city and paid £240k fir a large purpose-built four bed Victorian flat. We have loads of amenities.

Many children grow up this way across the world from New York to Paris, Barcelona, Rome. It’s only England (and perhaps Germany?) that seems to have this obsession with gardens and garages and lawns.

@MyDirtyLittleSecret

You sound very angry.

Why so angry?

You sound very defensive too. And so do a few others on here.

I also call bullshit on the prices people are claiming they paid for a 2 bed flat in a decent area of London.

You sound very defensive too. And so do a few others on here

Yes, like you.

To clarify, I never said I wouldn't like a garden. I just wouldn't sacrifice the things I currently do have to obtain one. Not really sure why that should be so hard to believe.

Nope not me. I am not the defensive one. Then again I am more than happy with my home with a garden.

You are clearly not.

Feel free to look it up on zoopla, Katie.

Depends what you mean by "decent" though, as you sound like a colossal snob and hugely narrow minded. I'm down the road from Catford. What do you think of Catford?

I'm done on here. Hitting too many raw nerves it seems.

Then again I am more than happy with my home with a garden

Then why do you feel the need to come on here and refuse to believe that others might be happy with a different way of life? Not really something a happy person does is it.

Thank you left.

As a MIL with a DSS, DIL and a DGS living in a small flat with a yard in London, I definitely feel sorry for DGS growing up there but it's what they want and it's their life, so I'd never say anything to them. My main worries are the high crime rate and the levels of pollution, particularly during this heatwave. They have decorated the flat really nicely and are very creative at keeping clutter at bay. What is sad is that DH won't visit them because he's anxious about picking up an infection on the plane or the underground and being ill for weeks so they have to visit us.

If you have a community with decent friends and neighbours and amenities then it really doesn’t matter how ‘posh’ an area is. It’s the community that makes it.

Perhaps that’s another difference - city living means you are, whether you like it or not, part of a community due to population density. In the suburbs you can get along quite easily never knowing your neighbours.