To refuse to sacrifice my holidays

[Jackfruitburger]

We are moving into a bigger house next week which will cost an extra £300 in mortgage payments monthly. We are obviously going to have to make some cut backs.
Here's what I think dp should stop;
Buying a bottle of wine 3 times a week
Buying lunch out every day
Here's what dp has suggested we stop;
Holidays (all, even in the UK, camping etc)

I think that what I'm asking is reasonable as it doesn't contribute to the overall happiness of the house. I've already said I'll buy all our clothes secondhand and switch to Aldi/Lidl and we're getting rid of Virgin. I spend 22p a day on my lunch and haven't had a professional hair cut in ten years. I don't want to give up the one bit of happiness I have left!

So between you you're both suggesting that you give up what makes life worth living! I suggest you both take a deep breath and sit down and compromise. He should make packed lunches - that's a no-brainer - but giving up all wine? Not reasonable, if that's what he enjoys. How about you both agree to keep wine and holidays and try to find another way to raise extra money? Could one of you work an extra shift? Sell stuff on eBay? Take another look at the household budget and see how you might save £300? I think I'd rather have stayed put than give up one modest annual holiday and a couple of bottles of wine a week.

Do the two of you want to live different styles of life?

He sounds all about now. You're thinking about savings and pensions...

You need to find a middle ground or you're going to really fall out. Fwiw I think he's selfish and you're a bit of a martyr to not even have a haircut.

Jackfruit

I think a shared budget with the same amount of disposable income is fair. I think a family holiday should be separate from that though. But I also think you should talk a little bit more with your other half. Maybe dinner is a bit to hand to mouth and that's why he is splurging on lunch.

I'd be annoyed though if I a agreed £5 for diner and came home to a miserable £2 on as my oh had chosen to save it for something else.

So I think you really need to agree overall spending.

How do you cut your hair?

I think you both should make the cutbacks.
Apart from the wine

packed lunches for dh,
no holiday for a year for family.
value cupasoup for op.

I think we need a shared budget and then to give each-other the same amount each month to spend on what we like. I can use it to save for holidays and he can use it at bloody Pret.

I think that when couples don't share the same priorities for non-essential spending, that is often a good way of doing things.

I would imagine cancelling holidays would save more money than the odd bottle but it depends how many holidays you have, how much they cost etc. Can they be scaled back as opposed to cancelled ?

After school care and holiday clubs are very expensive. I hope you have factored those in

I pay less than half of what I was paying for a childminder...

Oh and not saying your dinners are not nice I just mean when you both have different outlooks on what you want it's important to make sure your seeing it from the others perspective. So for him life without meat might be miserable and he's worried if he gives up lunch there will be none. So maybe agree to it at family dinner which is fairer as everyone benefits.

My idea of a holiday is usually Europe for a week, eating out etc. I think we need to scale it back to seaside break in the U.K, maybe eat more in the accommodation. It just doesn't feel like a holiday sometimes, same Co-op burgers, different kitchen

Some op's are saying it is unfair you are expecting him to cut back his spending whilst you do not give up yours? From what I read here there is nothing left for you to cut back on as you spend very little. The problem is you are frugal whilst he is not , you have clearly been brought up with different values towards money. You can control your spending, but not his and you need to be on the same page.
Possibly he is treating himself to lunch at the thought of lentil dahl for dinner, which I can see is part of your economy drive. Also hope you are contributing to the biscuit fund, as you are taking things a bit far in order to save the pennies.

I have no idea why you upped your expenses that you can seemingly not afford, no haircuts in 10 years!

I want to know where you are booking holidays, the frequency you take them in, the company you book with, there’s a chance that you could REALLY save some money on the holidays you’re taking, wowcher and teletext holidays are both places where there are really good travel deals to be had.

Does your DH have a subway or McDonald’s near to work? My DH has cut his out of home food spending by having a wrap of the day at McDonald’s for lunch, or sub of the day he sometimes uses Burger King vouchers which make a meal quite cheap too.

The wine is horrendously excessive though, maybe your DP could have 2 bottles at a fiver each from Aldi or Lidl.

Cutbacks can be made everywhere. Everyone will still have their little luxuries but on the cheap,

And for the love of god, find your local hairdressing college, they’ll have a little salon where a student will be supervised, and you’ll get a haircut for about a fiver.

also imho now isn't the time to 'save as much as possible for retirement".

Enjoy your family. Live.

Your plan sounds punishing.

Save in a few years when you're not paying nursery fees.

But that's just me.

I wonder whose idea the move was? Probably not partner's

He can take nice packed lunches or left overs
And if you start shopping at aldi he can get a nice bottle of wine for £3 (a bit less or a bit more depending on the bottle)
Though he should reduce the amount
Maybe a bottle for the week and a bottle for the weekend.
One cheap week away will do you all wonders anyway!

If you are buying burgers in Co-op OP you can save money by shopping elsewhere.

A seaside holiday in the UK won't necessarily be that cheap.

Slightly different circumstances but I get where you are coming from. We recently had a change in circumstances and DO said we need to stop going on holiday as much. By holiday I mean camping very cheaply not foreign holidays to far reached places. My response to this was in years to come the DC won't remember way It beans on toast to make ends meet but they will always remember our trips and adventures. What's more important OP?

DP not Do

Bottles of wine is poor value, boxes are better.
Okay, so bottle of wine budget cost = £4/each. Lunch out 5 days/wk = I assume £4/day, so £20, but could be as little as £6/wk.

Savings = £12+£14=£26/wk. Say that's for 48 wks/yr -> £1248.
Still £2.4k savings to be made, if £300 more outgoings/month. I don't see how you can not cut the European holidays if you really can't make up the money anywhere else.

So from what I’ve gathered from you’re posts - you still want to save as much money as you previously did every month and now cut back on your existing living budget to cover the extra 300 mortgage ?

If so, it sounds a little joyless - buying all second hand clothes, not having a hair-cut in 10 years, eating a miserable lunch each day and so on when you don’t need to be so frugal.

You can't have completely joint finances with a couple with different attitudes to spending- all that happens is that one party (the op) ends up having to sacrifice everything enjoyable that's not necessary in order to continue to fund the "spend it until it's gone" persons lifestyle.

New rules - a joint account that covers bills, food for the family shop, clothes for kids and a little left over for holidays /fun things if you like. An account each that has the same amount going in it each month for each of you to spend on your personal choices - be it wine or lunches out, or hair cuts or new clothes for you/DH.

If he pisses all his money away on not taking lunch from home, it's his choice, but he doesn't get to use the family food budget to buy wine or a shop bought sandwich, because he can't be arsed making one from the food in at home.

You can not make someone prioritise saving if they don't care about tomorrow, what you can do is stop them taking more than their fair share of the "spare" money and expecting you to sort it.

The fact he's buying fancy bought lunches every work day while you're taking a cuppa soup and some measly rice cakes to work, and making cheap family meals seems very unequal. Is 3 bottles of wine a week a lot? We don't buy that many a month TBH and we both enjoy a drink but I don't know whats the average really. Does he drink them all himself or share the bottles with you?

Maybe separate pots for personal spends would be a good idea, but if you do that your pot should not be used for family things like holiday as you suggested, that is a family expense not something just for you. If you struggle to spend on yourself stick a bit of yours per month in an ISA in just your name. I suspect you may need it further down the line.

The OP doesn't have any personal "luxuries" from what I can see that she could cut back on, I'm assuming her DP comes along on the holidays too. Does he enjoy the holidays? Would he prefer to stay at home?

You have some serious financial/relationship issues if you can’t afford a hair cut and are eating an unbalanced unhealthy diet just to save money while your DH has lunch out every day and drinks 3 bottles of wine a week (not healthy).

I think you need family money and then separate personal budgets for food out, clothes and hair cuts.

Please start eating better food as you can’t put a price on your health.

You need to think about the quality of your life. You've got to have some pleasure and enjoyment now because you don't know what the future will hold. A more modest home but a more enjoyable lifestyle, maybe?