To refuse to sacrifice my holidays

[Jackfruitburger]

We are moving into a bigger house next week which will cost an extra £300 in mortgage payments monthly. We are obviously going to have to make some cut backs.
Here's what I think dp should stop;
Buying a bottle of wine 3 times a week
Buying lunch out every day
Here's what dp has suggested we stop;
Holidays (all, even in the UK, camping etc)

I think that what I'm asking is reasonable as it doesn't contribute to the overall happiness of the house. I've already said I'll buy all our clothes secondhand and switch to Aldi/Lidl and we're getting rid of Virgin. I spend 22p a day on my lunch and haven't had a professional hair cut in ten years. I don't want to give up the one bit of happiness I have left!

How much are you aiming to save a month? Is this the issue?

I’m guessing it’s what some may see as a fair bit? In the current climate in the UK mortgage lenders are not going particularly crazy with lending (some go over 5 x joint on higher salaries but not with childcare costs in the background).

You both have different priorities his luxury is every day, yours is annual - nothing wrong with that.

But are you saving a large amount each month and making your life miserable in the short term? If so could you spend a bit more now and redirect childcare money into savings when childcare costs end?

Not had many for a haircut in 10 years but got the money for the holiday abroad in October? Ok.

I don't think it's fair to criticize OP for 'shit lunches' when health wise 3 bottles of wine a week is prob worse.

Nutritionally, partner giving up his lunches and wine, you could all have better home made lunches (his are prob not much better nutritionally than yours if we really knew what he ate) and you both would be healthier and save money.

I've no idea why people are homing in on the haircuts. I haven't had one for probably five years and I don't want one or need one. I trim the ends myself occasionally. Let the op spend what little spare money she has on what does it for her, which sounds like holidays.

In your shoes op I'd be looking at restructuring the family finances so you each share equally or in proportion to all the household bills and then get equal or in proportion 'spending' money.

Chorizo sausage rolls don't sound especially healthy it has to be said!

The op and her husband were given a mortgage based on their income so they can afford it. Iunches out a wine at home holidays would be built into the budget by the mortgage lender.
You sound a bit controling over money and food tbh.

if my mum was living how you are and cutting herself back so in nutrition and self care id hate for my dad to sit by and let this happen.especially if hes doing the oopisite for whatever reason whether hes rebelling agasint the food at home or not.this then definitely needs to be sat and talked through.together.marriage Is about being and working together especially on this stuff surely.
there has to be a compromise you can both work to.or you talk until you make one

Get him a fancy lunch flask and he can take his lunch to work. Perhaps have a lunch out once a week. Maybe get him a fitness monitor (investment) so this can be coupled with walking / running on a lunch hour once he has got the bug and eating more healthily. It's a good incentive. Would help with watching the wine intake too.

Other than that perhaps he can try making his own wine?

You really need to have some treats for all of you, it's pointless saving every penny for retirement - you might not make it !

P S I don't usually get my haircut at the hairdressers. When it was long I cut it myself with the help of my husband. Now it is growing after chemo treatment I persuaded my Dad (most confident at cutting hair) to tidy up the worst stragglers and am growing it. Even though it is platinum grey....not sure what to do with it really. However don't want a style that means I keep having to go to the hairdressers.

The OP hasn't said she couldn't afford a professional haircut, it's more an illustration that she isn't keeping "luxuries" and demanding her DP cuts all of his.

I would say I'd be putting money away for holidays for once the children reach school-age as that cost is likely to go up, assuming OP currently has holidays not in term-time. Even in the UK it can get pretty spendy. And I wouldn't bother with a seaside UK holiday unless it's summer tbh. And I say this as someone who on has holidays in the UK.

I understand not wanting to sacrifice the holiday, because it is something that you look forward to over the year. Your DH does not go on holiday, but has lunch and wine instead. I would move house and do a budget and calculate if the new house costs more to run. I would suggest buying some fruit or veg sticks (make your own) to eat for your lunch. Moving house costs money. Do you have an emergency fund if something breaks ?

I would say do a budget

Put everything that has to be spent down (mortgage/childcare/bills) and work out what is left.
Tbh if this is temporary until you get the free childcare/they start school I'd cut down on long term savings for the time being.

Split what is left between you for all other spends. He can waste it on wine and lunches, and you can go on holiday with the kids (leave him at home if he's not bothered about holidays), or alternatively talk about it, decide what's important to both of you and whether there is a compromise to be had (you all go to France on holiday and bring back 100 bottles of cheap nice wine , the savings may well cover the holiday, and many wine places will pay for your ferry/Eurotunnel if you spend enough)

alcohol, eating out, & foreign holidays are all very legitimate things to cut down on if money's tight.

if i had to pick one i'd say that occasional [e.g. a bottle or week or less] alcohol might be the closest thing to an 'essential' on that list.

How much does the wine cost?£6,£10? So say £18 or £30 week his alcohol
Meanwhile op is frugal,takes in 22p lunch,buys 2nd hand.spend £1.10 lunch
He’s clearly spending more,£4 a day?maybe £28

Sounds like the OP has already given up everything, it seems pretty unfair that D P gets to eat out every day and she gets packed lunch, no haircut, and second hand clothes.
I do think holidays are massively expensive, you're not going to spend less than 1000 pounds for a week in the UK unless you're camping. If you go abroad it's more. But there is a huge range of prices, I know some people pay 5k plus. So there's a lot of scope there for saving.

Sounds like the OP has already given up everything, it seems pretty unfair that D P gets to eat out every day and she gets packed lunch, no haircut, and second hand clothes

She’s going on holidays abroad, not dressed in sackcloth!

I do think buying lunch everyday is unnecessary and expensive, it adds up really quickly, so I'd definitely expect him to start taking lunch. You've clearly already made sacrifices op, so it's only fair.

Op seems to have disappeared anyway.

OP says her holidays are "the one bit of happiness I have left"
Sounds like a pretty miserable existence.

She's counting her baked beans for her toast

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And she replied the SNP was hoachin wi gays
The interviewer quizzical face...
Imagining the Scottish crew all laughing

IF you managed to get a larger mortgage then you must have the income somewhere. You need to do a full budget looking at all spend and seeing if you can get anything cheaper.

I cant see how you passed the affordability unless you lied or disguised outgoings.