To refuse to sacrifice my holidays

[Jackfruitburger]

We are moving into a bigger house next week which will cost an extra £300 in mortgage payments monthly. We are obviously going to have to make some cut backs.
Here's what I think dp should stop;
Buying a bottle of wine 3 times a week
Buying lunch out every day
Here's what dp has suggested we stop;
Holidays (all, even in the UK, camping etc)

I think that what I'm asking is reasonable as it doesn't contribute to the overall happiness of the house. I've already said I'll buy all our clothes secondhand and switch to Aldi/Lidl and we're getting rid of Virgin. I spend 22p a day on my lunch and haven't had a professional hair cut in ten years. I don't want to give up the one bit of happiness I have left!

I have a cup a soup with 3 rice cakes for lunch (and scoff all the biscuits that are in the staff room.) As for our finances, we have two under 3's in childcare so things will be a lot better in a year when one gets free hours and much much better when both are at school!

Frankly OP, you're screwed. If the most you can cut from the weekly budget is under £100, you'll lose the new house when the rates go up

That is so presumptuous 😂😂😂😂

A cup a soup and 3 rice cakes! How can you function on that?!

I think the fact it’s hopefully short term does make a difference.

To be honest, drinking that much wine per week isn't healthy. Your DH wants the whole family to sacrifice hols so he can continue on- it's selfish.

I don't think it needs to be all or nothing. So drop lunch out half the week (depending on job/diary/workplace it isn't always easy to take packed lunch) and then drop some wine. Wine is often cheaper bought in bulk, if you wait till the supermarket do 25% off for 6 wines for example (m and s always do this in the run up to Christmas).

I think it does need to feel a shared sacrifice and for some people sacrificing a daily treat will make them more unhappy than missing a holiday.

Today 08:57 BrutusMcDogface
Stirner
Yeah. No.
Wtf does this mean?! hmm

This made me laugh! Brutus - It's teen talk! My DC and their friends say 'Yeah' before everything!

'Yeah, so Mum, we're going into town'
'Yeah, so, this is what happened...'
'Yeah, no, I don't want to do that...'

Annoying.

Well really him cutting back on wine and lunches completely isn't going to help anyway unless he's buying the most expensive bottles and spending about £10 on lunch everyday.

So yeah you will have to cut back on holidays as well. It only makes sense they do cost more. You don't need multiple holidays away a year anyway, even time spent at home relaxing is nice. Do a holiday abroad every other year. Maybe camp once a year as it's cheapest.

I hope you contribute to all the biscuits you scoff from the staff room. You sound like a martyr.
Why do you both have such different budgets for lunch?

£300 is a hell of a jump to have to find esp with someone who has the attitude that it's not really his job to help budget.

The discussion and agreement on cutbacks should have happened long before the buying date never mind a week before you move in.

Half a bottle of wine once a week and homemade lunches for a year until your oldest leaves childcare. Then you can rethink.

I think you need a proper haircut though.

Lunch could easily be £10 a day in London. Unless he got his whole lunch in Gregg's.

Three cheap bottles of wine at £6 each is nearly £20 a week.

But if your financial situation is going to improve in the next year or 2, he's not asking you to give up holidays forever really. He's suggesting no holidays for the next year or 2 which seems reasonable!
That said, buying lunch out every day is a waste of money.... it's just so much easier (I am also guilty of doing this).

After school care and holiday clubs are very expensive. I hope you have factored those in.

After school care and holiday clubs are very expensive. I hope you have factored those in

They're a dam sight cheaper than 2 under 3s in nursery I can assure you!

You can’t really expect him to give everything he likes up if you won’t do the same OP.

If things are that tight you really can’t afford the new house.

Yeah you sure as shit need a proper haircut. Is he cutting his own or does he go to the barbers? Because we haven’t factored in haircuts in the equation. I think you’ll be fine OP if you’ve got 2 little ones in childcare - that’s got to be expensive. Once they’re both in school no doubt you can relax the purse strings a bit ( although pre / after school care costs a bit). You do need to be on the same page though with regards spending and treats.

If you’re having to buy all your clothes second hand I’d say either you can’t afford the mortgage in the first place or you have never heard of primark.

I'm not a martyr but everything I do is for my family. I just don't know how he can eat a bloody £4.00 chorizo sausage roll when he knows we're eating lentil dhal again for tea. I didn't see this side of him until we started buying the house.
His family don't save, they own their house by accident as they won some compensation. My family have always saved, and have given me a large deposit for the house. I'd rather just cut back everything that was necessary so we can carry on saving as much as possible for retirement/ kids futures. I don't think I'd enjoy spending money on just me.
I think we need a shared budget and then to give each-other the same amount each month to spend on what we like. I can use it to save for holidays and he can use it at bloody Pret.

Yes compromise you are both being selfish

I think agree on one UK holiday a year and then lunch out twice a week and one bottle of wine

Why don't you give up the holidays AND have him give up the wine and lunches?

You'll save lots of money (and become miserable).

Why don't you give up the holidays AND have him give up the wine and lunches?

This.

Do what I Do OP. In my 44yrs being married, Dh has these wobbles when undertaking major financial decisions. I do what I call reverse psychology on him. I go worse case scenario. And present him with it. Only you'll know how that would pan out? In your situ I'd say ok! No wine, bought lunches, hols etc etc. Lets just see how things go. After no more than 2wks, he's discussing a compromise. We reach a middle ground. Both feel gains. At this stage I'd hang fire talking about family hols. These things close in on some when undertaking huge expenses. Not worth the upset. Just set your concerns aside & cooperate. Go with the flow. Life's too short.

Enjoy your new house.

@Nancy91 I don't think we'd be miserable, we live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. Tourists come from across the world to see our city. We can walk in the park, go for bike rides, go to the museums. I think we'll be ok for a few years.

The OP seems to be getting a hard time for buying a new house! I'm pretty sure she isn't the first person to stretch herself to buy a new house, it's often a squeeze for the first year or so then circumstances change and it gets easier. And childcare does tend to get cheaper when children go to primary school, regardless of afterschool clubs and holiday care.
I don't think taking packed lunches for a bit is a massive sacrifice, neither is scalling back holidays. Cancelling holidays all together seems a bit much unless there's no other option.