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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was an overreaction by teacher

304 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 09/08/2018 08:39

One of my Friend's is a teacher and was supposed to be away for a few days. I was surprised to bump into her yesterday and she rolled her eyes and said two kids from her class had turned up at the same hotel so she insisted to her husband that they leave.

She said she wouldn't be able to relax, use the hotel swimming pool and changing room, have a drink etc without looking over her shoulder, and neither did she want parents coming over to talk about their kid's progress while she was on holidays.

Would most teachers feel like this or was that an over reaction?

OP posts:
userofthiswebsite · 10/08/2018 20:14

RoseTree7

It's okay, you don't need to reveal what your job is, I already know.

On a daily basis, you sit overseeing your bridge, and brandishing your club.

TornFromTheInside · 10/08/2018 20:15

Not just teachers...what about doctors, nurses, therapists and -ologists?

The risks are not the same.
A doctor is not usually in day to day contact in a children's environment where it's the same kids day in day out etc. The 'relationship' is different.
Of course they interact with children, but it's not a persistent relationship where a group of children can 'gossip' in the same way. For a teenager, a picture of his doctor in a bikini is not the same as one of a teacher that all his friends also know and see daily.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 10/08/2018 20:15

Isn't it also that teenagers (if we are talking secondary) sometimes behave less reasonably/maturely than clients or colleagues or someone from a different industry might? So that we can expect a colleague or client to respond reasonably to bumping into you when on holiday, but a student might do something less sensible?

And then, of course, if said teenager is busted for this unreasonable behaviour, a member of slt may well take them aside and ask them if they are ok...

EverythingscomingupMilhouse · 10/08/2018 20:18

Bloody hell do parents actually approach teachers in their free time and discuss their child's progress?! I'd say hi, probably buy them a drink then disappear to a different part of the hotel!

HA! We lived in the same town where my dad was a teacher, and we had people knocking on the door wanting to talk to him about school stuff!

TornFromTheInside · 10/08/2018 20:19

Yes, there will be some specific doctors and nurses who work intensely with some kids... but they are usually ill kids and they aren't likely to be engaging in the same way with their peers as schoolkids usually are.
A teacher is in a pretty unique situation where 5 days a week they work with the same kids, are often the subject of sexual fantasy or emotional feelings, and are in the 'thick of it' regarding teenage rumour and innuendo.

OpiningGambit · 10/08/2018 20:21

I'm a teacher and certainly would have wanted to leave (I would probably have taken a LOT of day-trips away from the hotel rather than wasting the holiday). If it was a cheap holiday I might well leave.

My dad was not a teacher, but did a job with a similar community standing and we were forever meeting his clients on holiday! It was always awkward, although him being a man and self-employed it was less of an issue than I'd find it.

Meeting kids/parents at Tescos is completely different. It's a few minutes, even if they're chatty. Not your holiday and not potentially weeks!

anothernameagain000 · 10/08/2018 20:22

On a separate note - I have a friend who is a prison officer! He was on holiday and heard “hello sir” across the pool! An ex- prisoner!

Fluffybat · 10/08/2018 20:22

I'm a teacher and I would feel very uncomfortable and would be extra careful the whole time. Probably wouldn't stay in hotel much but wouldn't leave. It would change the whole experience of the holiday though so can see why your friend did.

Canshopwillshop · 10/08/2018 20:25

@seniorcitizen1 - she was with her kids!

God, I really do feel for your friend and other teachers. I respect the job they do in school but had never really thought about the impact it could have outside of that environment. I can understand how uncomfortable the situation would be.

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 10/08/2018 20:29

I'm a TA at the local School so everywhere I go I hear hello me a fakeflowers. I now avoid my local pub like the plague as it's always full of parents and children from school. If I turned up on holiday to find a child from school there id be gutted. That's my time to be mum. This is why I tend to camp in fields in the middle of nowhere.

Mrsjones17 · 10/08/2018 20:31

@rosetree7 thanks you’ve filled my bingo card today! Thought I was going to go a day without someone mentioning teachers pay or holiday. 👍

Fourscoreandtwitter · 10/08/2018 20:31

I’m a teacher. I would DEFINITELY have wanted to leave. If it was financially possible I would have left. I wouldn’t want to be judged on my parenting and wouldn’t want to be photographed in my swimming costume, in fact the more I think about it the more sure I am I would have left in that situation, even if there was a financial penalty.

HateIsNotGood · 10/08/2018 20:31

Complete over-reaction, but if she feels that she can dump her holiday then her choice. I'm sure "I'm a Teacher" isn't a basis for a refund or insurance claim

Interesting that Gambit says that her father "with a similar community standing" found it less of an issue than she would because "him being a man and self-employed"

I'm sure my Female Mum Teacher wouldn't be letting a pupil or their family detract from her enjoyment of her holiday.

Can't think of too many nurses/midwives who would abandon their holiday because they've had their hands in around a mother to be's bits or given that chap on the sunbed an enema.

TornFromTheInside · 10/08/2018 20:34

I think it's much worse in secondary schools. Primary less problematic.

Another thing people don't think about, is how clever kids can be on social media. They can learn your partners name, then find them on social media. From this, they can often figure a teachers 'secret identity' on Facebook etc, or figure your children's names and your personal activities etc. It can be very disconcerting. in a school of 2000 children, it only takes one obsessed boy or girl to take an unhealthy interest...

Tams321 · 10/08/2018 20:35

Would have left instantly!!

Riv · 10/08/2018 20:37

@icecream: no my family totally gets why I can’t relax in any way if pupils are around. In fact last time it happened they were the ones to suggest it.
It is not only me that suffers. No matter how hard I try I am stressed, grumpy, much stricter with them than I want to be (their pictures, behaviour and dress is also subject to examination, reporting and publishing- and reflects on my professionalism)
Rose tree: yes, teachers can be disciplined, be suspended and even loose their jobs for behaviour and dress outside of school hours- which includes being on holiday.
Senior Citizen: Many teachers wouldn’t go to an adult only hotel for a holiday because many if not most of us have children that we want to holiday with.

tillytrotter1 · 10/08/2018 20:40

Working as teachers in Forces schools overseas one lived alongside the pupils and their families and the social lives were intertwined through the Mess. It led to some interesting situations!

TornFromTheInside · 10/08/2018 20:41

Can't think of too many nurses/midwives who would abandon their holiday because they've had their hands in around a mother to be's bits or given that chap on the sunbed an enema.

No, they wouldn't but that's not the dynamic at play here. The dynamic is two fold - a) you can't relax and have a drink in the same way because photos could be taken b) if the children are teenage and you want to wear a sexy swimsuit, it's a problem - as such a photo would be pure gold amongst teens in a school.

This can make some teachers feel uncomfortable - and if they didn't change their location, they'd at least have to modify their behaviour and dress code to minimise the risk. Something that seems quite 'silly' in an adult world can be quite a big problem when you're trying to teach children and they are passing around pictures of you in swimwear etc.

HateIsNotGood · 10/08/2018 20:42

Bloody hell - it's like being at a Pop Concert where they start screaming uncontrollably - I truly can't believe that so many techers would abandon their holidays because a pupil was on holiday in the same place.

Anyway, I'm off and leave it to yourselves to convince yourselves you really would. Bye.

Riv · 10/08/2018 20:45

Hatels : not many nurses or midwives spend 7 hours a day for 160 days a year with the same patient. And the patient is not really likely to want to embarrass or discredit a nurse or midwife who has supported them in such vulnerable times.

Smudge100 · 10/08/2018 20:52

Absolutely understand this teacher’s reaction. You play a role in front of kids. You can never be yourself. On holiday you want yo kick free so yes, i’d have had the same reaction.

KickAssAngel · 10/08/2018 20:54

It would depend entirely on the family/families who are there.Two kids from her class is two separate families.

I've worked in schools where if the kids saw my car parked (one time outside the hospital as I took one of their classmates to A&E) they would spit/kick/scratch the car. I've had a police trace of my home phone (before the days of mobiles) because of malicious calls, and had to change the locks on my door because my keys went missing and then magically 'reappeared' a day later. If any families from that school ended up near me on holiday, I would leave.

I've also taught the kids whose parents would want to be best friends, stalk you, take photos & put them all over social media, ask you to watch their kids, and spread lies/gossip about every single thing you said or did all around the parents at school.

Not all families are a joy to be around, and teachers don't get to choose which ones send their kids to school.

Rach5ll · 10/08/2018 21:03

God, how awful would you feel as the parents of the children??

I'd probably want to move hotels if we ended up at the same hotel as one of dc's teachers though. Well I definitely would now after reading this!!

deptfordgirl · 10/08/2018 21:04

Worst nightmare. Definitely would have left.

5000KallaxHoles · 10/08/2018 21:09

Our school has a lot of teachers and TAs (more common for the TAs but I know at least a few of the class teachers do too we never get a snow day cos they can all walk in ) live in the catchment area. Honestly the staff usually say hello the kids before the kids do to them as I'm trying desperately to steer the kids away before they spot them and not bother the teachers! (Although DD2 is still convinced it's just a woman that looked like her teacher that she saw at the petrol station as her teacher lives in the school obviously - her brain can't compute "teacher goes outside school" to be fair this one is a bit of a workaholic and it's a bit of a standing joke around school that they're always there )

DD1's teacher has been forewarned that she seems to be going on holiday to the same destination that my kids are going with their grandparents! (My parents are the "wave now leave them alone" type with some common sense about them if the paths DO cross)

I used to live 3 doors down from a kid I taught back when I started teaching. Was never a problem once you got over the initial novelty of "I saw you in Asda at the weekend Miss" - but I'm primary.

If I ran into the teaching staff from the kids' school on holiday I'd probably buy them a bottle of wine (if they've coped with my kids all year they've deserved it) and then firmly herd my kids about 3 miles away because they deserve some bloody peace from them!