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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was an overreaction by teacher

304 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 09/08/2018 08:39

One of my Friend's is a teacher and was supposed to be away for a few days. I was surprised to bump into her yesterday and she rolled her eyes and said two kids from her class had turned up at the same hotel so she insisted to her husband that they leave.

She said she wouldn't be able to relax, use the hotel swimming pool and changing room, have a drink etc without looking over her shoulder, and neither did she want parents coming over to talk about their kid's progress while she was on holidays.

Would most teachers feel like this or was that an over reaction?

OP posts:
MissMarplesKnitting · 09/08/2018 09:20

Oh god I'd probably scarper as fast as I could. It's a matter of time before your dress/behaviour etc is discussed by parents on Facebook, or if you teach secondary even worse, you're snapped or videoed by the kids and it's on IG, Snapchat etc.

Tbh it'd depend on who the kids were. Some families I might be able to carry on if they were the really nice kids you think aren't going to Snapchat vids of you on the beach.

It'd spoil my holiday though. I need to get away from my teacher life in summer.

The comment about the teacher persona is right!!

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 09:20

TheLadyArmitage

Everyone has just told you.

Livingoncake · 09/08/2018 09:20

I’m a teacher. Not sure if I would leave or not - there would be many factors to consider, as PPs have said. I agree that my teacher persona is not who I am as an entire human being - she is, in some ways, a character that I play when I’m teaching. I don’t want to stay “in character” when I’m holiday, I’d be exhausted! If I couldn’t leave, I would probably end up filling my family’s time with lots of activities and day trips in an attempt to avoid the child/parents. Either way, I wouldn’t be getting a relaxing break, so I really feel for the OP’s friend.

TheLadyArmitage · 09/08/2018 09:22

Surely you would just grow a thicker skin and move on / ignore? Hmm

deepsea · 09/08/2018 09:22

I couldn't relax and would leave yes.

Livingoncake · 09/08/2018 09:24

Oh, and @TheLadyArmitage - you’d be amazed at how many parents would NOT tell their kid not to bother the teacher. It’s a profession in which a lot of people tend to feel entitled to your time, both inside and outside of school hours.

NoodleNooNoo · 09/08/2018 09:25

Wow. When I first read the OP I thought this was a complete over reaction and thought the friend should have at least waited to see if the children/parents caused any bother. But having read the experiences of other teachers I've changed my mind. The parents asking the teacher to watch their kids round the pool what CFs!

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/08/2018 09:25

I would definitely feel like this! Worst nightmare! The last thing you want to think about in the holidays is anything to do with school!

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 09:27

TheLadyArmitage

It's hard to explain this to someone who clearly doesn't get it instinctively, but what teachers - and, I imagine, anyone on holiday from work - wants a rest from is the sense that what you think matters. You think polite chit chat should be fine, so you instigate polite chit chat. The teacher wants to ignore you like you're not there because - and I know this might come as a shock - they might not like you, or might be engrossed in doing something, or might want to sunbathe topless with nobody they know around at all.

They just want to get away from school and work.

Telling them to "grow a thicker skin" sounds very strange to me.

TheLadyArmitage · 09/08/2018 09:28

@Livingoncake
I would like to say I'm shocked by that but after reading some cf threads on here recently, nothing should surprise me anymore!

indyandlara · 09/08/2018 09:28

I have been on holiday and met pupils and their families. It very much depends on the pupil and family as to whether I’d want to leave. I live reasonably close to where I teach and often meet families when we are out and about. However, that’s not when I’m on holiday, in my swimsuit and slobbing out. Even 10 years ago there was no worry of ending up on fb etc but it’s a sad reality for many teachers going about their day to day life now.

Flyingpompom · 09/08/2018 09:29

My friend was visiting his dying grandmother in hospital, and there were kids from the school he taught at visiting a relative nearby. They (teens) thought it was funny to keep calling his name and hiding. This was while he was sat holding her hand.

MidniteScribbler · 09/08/2018 09:29

I would seriously consider it if at all possible. I had a parent complain because they saw me buy a bottle of wine one night. I also went out to dinner one night and a pupil was in the same restaurant. The child came over and perched at my table and wouldn't get the hint. After the parents had a lovely leisurely childfree dinner, they finally came over and retrieved their child. Some people really have no boundaries, and can't see that teachers may not find their child as endearing as they do.

TheLadyArmitage · 09/08/2018 09:30

@Pengggwn By polite chit chat, I mean acknowledge their existence, comment on the weather and move on.
It would be so rude to ignore them entirely surely? 😬

We aren't the kind of family to sit round the pool / stay in the resort anyway so I can't imagine this being a particular problem for us / our kids teachers. Lol.

QueenoftheSilverDollar12 · 09/08/2018 09:30

@TheLadyArmitage you're not a teacher so you don't get it. It's not just a matter of growing a thicker skin. As others have said, I don't fancy pictures of me all over IG/SnapChat etc and I want to completely relax when on holiday and not be looking over my shoulder every five minutes to see if I'm being watched. Hence why I now go to adult only resorts or places popular with other nationalities and not Brits.

Loulabelle25 · 09/08/2018 09:32

On a plane last year, as I was walking to the toilet, I heard, “X look there’s your teacher,” from a parent. When I came out of the tiny aeroplane toilet, X and her siblings were waiting ‭for me Blush. I couldn’t even pee in peace.

Of course I would be civil to any child/parent I met outside of school, but the thought of being caught in my bikini makes me cringe and I would definitely feel like I’d have to keep my guard up and watch my language and drinking which I don’t feel I should have to do on holiday.

As many teacher’s have already made clear, teaching requires a lot of acting. You have a classroom persona that is an altered version of your true personality and it would be exhausting have to “on” all of the time.

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 09:33

TheLadyArmitage

Yes, it would be rude. But that's the point about being on holiday: you don't want to worry about what other people regard as polite. You don't want to. That's why teachers are saying they would leave the place and go somewhere they don't have to.

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/08/2018 09:33

You give yourself 100% to the kids in term time and in the time in holidays dedicated to prep etc. but outside that the holidays are for switching off from school completely. Polite chit chat would put me on edge! You don’t want to be ‘teacher’ at all in the holidays. I even dislike talking about School even though I love my job.

TheLadyArmitage · 09/08/2018 09:33

No I guess I don't get it.

My best friend is a teacher but also has young children and we've been on holiday together a few times, she's never mentioned it so it never even occurred to me.

If you can afford to lose the money you'd spent on the holiday then I guess it's not a massive loss. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pengggwn · 09/08/2018 09:35

TheLadyArmitage

Well, it's a fairly unlikely scenario, isn't it.

Bellabutterfly2016 · 09/08/2018 09:38

We went to Spain for a week earlier in the year and bumped into one of dd's nursery workers at Birmingham airport, got nattering and we were on the same flight there and back, same transfer coach but different hotels - think she was relieved!!

Unfinishedkitchen · 09/08/2018 09:40

I’m sure most parents wouldn’t want to be in the same hotel as the teacher I know I wouldn’t. It would be awkward.

MissMarplesKnitting · 09/08/2018 09:42

It really isn't about growing a thick skin.

Parents complain about you drinking, behaving inappropriately (by that I mean being on the dancefloor like another person at a black tie event.... true story)

Meeting kids out and about in the area is part for the course but I've had friend who teaches in a prep school go along to an event organised by parents. When she arrived the parents went to leave and just assumed she would look after the kids.

You wouldn't believe the CFery of some people.

I know teachers who have had hate websites made against them. Fake SM profiles made in their name etc.

We are warned time and time again about our own SM and so being potentially exposed to being on it not of our own volition or when relaxing makes teachers worry about potential consequences and repercussions.

It's hardly conducive to a relaxing holiday.

cariadlet · 09/08/2018 09:42

I probably wouldn't leave, but I wouldn't be able to completely relax and it would definitely spoil the holiday for me.

I'm a teacher and often bump into children/parents from school if I'm at the supermarket, café, cinema etc. That's fine. We'll say hello, possibly have a quick chat and then carry on with whatever we're doing. No problem.

But bumping into parents if I was on holiday and having a break from normal life - that would be quite stressful. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable drinking or sunbathing knowing that I could bump into them at any moment.

MidniteScribbler · 09/08/2018 09:45

what's the harm in polite chit chat for a minute or so and then moving on, the parents specifically telling the kids that they shouldn't bother the teacher as he / she is on holiday.

That is the problem. People already have a 'thick skin' in that they don't tell their child not to bother the teacher, they are quite happy for the teacher to amuse their darling while they sit by smiling indulgently. It may come as a shock to most parents, but their children can often be annoying.