When a stranger asks to hold your baby...

[Katrina12]

Met a friend for coffee and cake this afternoon with my 8 month old... DS is very friendly and sociable and the lady serving our table took quite a shine to him. She kept 'popping back' to check we were ok and to smile and wave at DS. I am very sociable myself and as DS is such a smiler I often getting chatting to people out and about which I am more than happy to do... however, this lady wouldn't leave us alone and persisted to keep coming back for well over an hour. Not only was this annoying as I had not seen my friend in months (who had driven for over an hour to see us), but I was trying to feed DS and she kept distracted him which eventually led to a meltdown in the middle of the cafe. Finally as I was picking him up from his high chair to put him in his pram she came over and held her hands out and asked if she could hold him... I found this totally inappropriate. In my shock my mind went absolutely blank and I rather abruptly just blurted out 'no you cannot' - I am usually a very polite easy going person, but I was so shocked by her request and I guess instinct just kicked. AIBU to feel this was an inappropriate request of this woman? What would you have said/done?

It's not really about baby abductions, is it? Which are thankfully very rare. It's about whether or not people have the social skills to ask before touching, handling a baby. And accepting a 'no,' in reply. Children are not public property and it's perfectly ok to offer to help a struggling parent and respect their boundaries. It's not hard!

Well I can’t understand why anyone would want to hold someone else’s baby but this wouldn’t have bothered me.

I think there's no harm when I'm with them and it probably brings people joy.

It does. Human contact is really important for lonely people.

I did not read you post as about holding the baby - totally normal for people to hold babies - but more that this woman had been inappropriate throughout your visit. which put the request in a different context.

I am amazed at how often people distract babies from meals - always leads to problems so why do people do it ?

Doris - you have summarised my thoughts perfectly.

Turquoise - no idea why people do this!!

Bert - I was never suggesting this woman was going to abduct my baby... in the same way that a random person on a train touched my bump when I was pregnant, I didn't think they were trying to hurt me, but I still didn't like it or think it was appropriate.

BertrandRussell

Are you serious? You do actually realise that we don't get every news report from around the whole world right? Terrible things happen to individuals all the time you just don't hear about it. Infact very recently I read an article that popped up on my phone, about a woman who was in her driveway in her car with her very small baby in the back. Two men pulled her out the car and wouldn't let her take the baby from the back seat, she tried to fight them off but they drove away knowing full well her child was in the back. Thankfully they dropped the child off somewhere, it was only the car they were interested in, but it does happen. I bet no one in America or France heard about that because it was "local" to us.

Not that a stranger asking to hold your baby means they are thinking of abducting them, people should not expect to be allowed to touch your property for their own amusement.

Haha not that kids are put property but you get what I mean.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/car-stolen-baby-inside-police-hunt-investigation-acocks-green-west-midlands-a8456566.html%3famp

There's the link before you start your usual.

As horrific as that story is it is not the same as someone taking a baby from your arms.

That’s a horrendous story. But why is it relevant? They were stealing a car, not a baby.

Well I did say it wasn't relevant to this thread exactly, just to the statement BertrandRussell made. Like I said it happens more than you think. Even if not for the reasons you would think.

My point was they did steal the baby, knowingly, not because they didn't realise the baby was there because they did.

The baby was in the car that they wanted. They were hardly going to get it out and leave it on the street.

Well they did they left it outside a health centre?

They didn't steal the baby knowingly. They left her at a safe place some time after driving off.

"Like I said it happens more than you think"

Does it? OK-how many babies have been deliberately or accidentally stolen in the UK in the last 5 years? Let's define baby as under 2.

I always used to just say that they don’t like being picked up by people they don’t know or that they’re a mummy’s boy/girl. I think you were a little rude but probably just because the odd request took you aback. I’d never ask to hold a complete strangers baby.

GreatDuckCookery
They took her knowing she was in the car and threw her mother out of the way while she was screaming at them to let her get the baby, so I think they did know.

BertrandRussell
Just gave an example of one, but you need more examples? Also why does it only need to be in the UK? The world is a big place. We won't hear half of the news stories from around the globe. Do you have any statistics to back up your statement?

I think OP maybe you were a tad rude because you were pissed off with the hour long charade youbhad just had to endure. Rightly so, some people just don't know when to stop.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/6861713/louisana-baby-levi-cole-ellerbe-abducted-burned-death-train-tracks/amp

That one is extremely upsetting, just a warning.

They wanted the car but didn't have time to get the baby out. They didn't take the car because the baby was in it.

Still abducted a child wpuld you not agree?