When a stranger asks to hold your baby...

[Katrina12]

Met a friend for coffee and cake this afternoon with my 8 month old... DS is very friendly and sociable and the lady serving our table took quite a shine to him. She kept 'popping back' to check we were ok and to smile and wave at DS. I am very sociable myself and as DS is such a smiler I often getting chatting to people out and about which I am more than happy to do... however, this lady wouldn't leave us alone and persisted to keep coming back for well over an hour. Not only was this annoying as I had not seen my friend in months (who had driven for over an hour to see us), but I was trying to feed DS and she kept distracted him which eventually led to a meltdown in the middle of the cafe. Finally as I was picking him up from his high chair to put him in his pram she came over and held her hands out and asked if she could hold him... I found this totally inappropriate. In my shock my mind went absolutely blank and I rather abruptly just blurted out 'no you cannot' - I am usually a very polite easy going person, but I was so shocked by her request and I guess instinct just kicked. AIBU to feel this was an inappropriate request of this woman? What would you have said/done?

I never said that I think everyone is a threat. I also said that whilst it’s a possibility I won’t be giving my kids to strangers. I raise them not to talk to strangers let alone sit on their knee.

I’m not giving my details because you think that strangers should be allowed to grab your kids at will without consulting you first.

She’s not asking for your personal details but details of the crimes you mention. Surely the local news picked up the crime report of the baby attcked with a knife and the attempted pram kidnapping.

By the way, never look up statistics on car accidents, you’ll never let your kids out of the front door again.

Ive never had a stranger ask to hold my baby but I would say it's definitely inappropriate! The same as I would never ask to hold a baby I didn't know. Wouldnt ever hand my baby to a stranger, I wouldn't want a stranger in my personal space so why would I subject my baby to that? I'm perfectly happy for people to chat to my baby, people love him as he smiles at everyone, although I'm not a fan when strangers touch him, especially when he was a newborn, but I would usually let it slide if they were just being friendly.

@wifelife47 absolutely, especially regarding the personal space

“I’m not giving my details because you think that strangers should be allowed to grab your kids at will without consulting you first“

I don’t want your personal details. I want details of the two horrible crimes you mentioned.

And of the babies you say are stolen every day.

Every day somewhere a child is kidnapped. It’s almost cute to assume that these occurrences were so rare that the local news would pick it up. People ages 0-100 get assaulted daily and it’s not reported on. A kid was taken outside my school when I was little and there have been a few instances just in recent years of people trying/succeeding to snatch children so whilst I have this knowledge why would I give my precious baby to a complete stranger? Do you like it when strangers grab you? Because I wouldn’t, especially if I were a tiny baby with only my parents to protect me.

It’s crazy how I’m not saying anyone is wrong in their parenting and yet I’m out of order because I “think” there are bad people around? Everyone has their own style and it’s largely environmentally influenced.

Everyday a child is kidnapped

Well, even if that were true, the circumstances won't all be the same.

You're letting your extreme anxiety talk here MeAgain.

Did I miss the bit when did meagain say he/she has extreme anxiety? Just because you don't agree with someone, you shouldn't imply that their opinions are because of their illness you know nothing about. Not cool

I have around 10 instances of kidnap near me, both successful and attempted. I can’t see why that, combined with people having unknown germs, would make me overly anxious by not wanting a stranger to pick my baby up without my consent? What’s not to get about not trusting a stranger with someone more important than my own life? Kidnap is one instance but what about assault, viruses and illnesses? I grew up to know that you don’t touch anyone’s baby without permission (or anyone in general!) and I’m shocked that this isn’t normal. Do you just go picking them out of shopping trolleys round Tesco because you fancy a squeeze?
NSPCC says that 90% of unsuccessful kidnap attempts go unreported to police, and of those how many will be charged?

I don't remember seeing any kidnaps in the news? Can you link the article please?

So in your mind if it doesn’t make the news it doesn’t matter? Also all of the information you need, once again, is in my comment. If you read it.

I reiterate - these are entirely unknown people picking up your baby without consent. And this is fine?

“Did I miss the bit when did meagain say he/she has extreme anxiety?”

It’s the only reasonable explanation. Because otherwise she is just talking scaremongering bollocks.

I have anxiety and even I think MeAgain is being ridiculous.

@katrina12 thank you. I don’t think there’s any getting through here that 1) I have my reasons for parenting how I do and 2) people parent differently.

Well I would have thought about a successful kidnap in the Uk would definitely have made headline news, yes.

So I can only presume you're talking utter bollocks.

Whether you agree or not, that's an outrageous comment Bert... No wonder there's so much stigma around mental health.

Sadly meagain, life has taught me you need to be careful who you disclose MH issues to as it will be thrown if your face

Meagain- you said this - “Also unfortunately yes children are stolen every day so I’m not sure of your point.”

Do you stand by it?

Please tell me exactly why I should let strangers pluck my children from where they are without my say so?

Also in regards to the car crash comment, it’s a little easier to avoid strangers picking up your child than it is I avoid all roads?

I’m not scaremongering, you asked why I’m like this and at no point have I said to anyone that they should parent how I do? Because it’s not my place to tell anyone they’re wrong by arguing with strangers on the internet. If you look, it’s all my personal opinions which is great seeing as it’s my personal parenting style.

“Whether you agree or not, that's an outrageous comment Bert... No wonder there's so much stigma around mental health. ”

Why is it outrageous? Meagain’s position is only understandable if she suffers from extreme anxiety. If she does, then of course she shouldn’t be challenged or questioned, just maybe reminded that her fears are not real. If she doesn’t then her scaremongering posts need to be called out before they terrify other people.

When my third was a baby we were out for a meal and he wouldn't settle , lady on the next table offered to hold him so I could eat my meal. I handed him over with indecent haste so I could tuck in , I could see him at all times and he was happy

Yes I do because every single day in this shit world full of arseholes, a child is abducted or it’s attempted. I’m hurting nobody’s feelings by saying no.

@bellsbuss that’s so kind of her and sounds lovely all round. Baby gets a cuddle, lady gets a squeeze from a gorgeous baby and Mum gets a well deserved hot meal. This isn’t the kind of situation I meant at all. A PP said that someone came along and took her baby from her lap without so much as making eye contact with her - that’s completely different than having the opportunity to assess the situation and accept someone’s kindness.