When a stranger asks to hold your baby...

[Katrina12]

Met a friend for coffee and cake this afternoon with my 8 month old... DS is very friendly and sociable and the lady serving our table took quite a shine to him. She kept 'popping back' to check we were ok and to smile and wave at DS. I am very sociable myself and as DS is such a smiler I often getting chatting to people out and about which I am more than happy to do... however, this lady wouldn't leave us alone and persisted to keep coming back for well over an hour. Not only was this annoying as I had not seen my friend in months (who had driven for over an hour to see us), but I was trying to feed DS and she kept distracted him which eventually led to a meltdown in the middle of the cafe. Finally as I was picking him up from his high chair to put him in his pram she came over and held her hands out and asked if she could hold him... I found this totally inappropriate. In my shock my mind went absolutely blank and I rather abruptly just blurted out 'no you cannot' - I am usually a very polite easy going person, but I was so shocked by her request and I guess instinct just kicked. AIBU to feel this was an inappropriate request of this woman? What would you have said/done?

I understand you OP - I would not have let her either, she sounded a bit creepily interested.

When DS was 4 days old I was trying to latch him on and he kept crying, and our cleaner just came and took him from me without asking. I really like her and she’s a lovely woman and was no doubt trying to help, but it really upset me nonetheless. I was very irritated as he was screaming for food and I didn’t like the idea that she thought she could somehow soothe him better than me. Was also an awkward moment a week later where she tried to assist me in a nappy change....

Is this your first child? I was nutso bonkers with my first. I'd have handed no2 to the child catcher for 5 minutes peace. Though I did have to object when one of DH's aunts shoved her finger in his mouth 5 minutes after she'd had a fag. The baby, not DH.That would have been different weird.

Mammyloveswine The poster of that photo clearly said her child WAS premature and poorly hence the sign so what's your point?

Notunbongo - possibly that will be the best comment I read on here today!

I was once queuing in the petrol station, with DS a few weeks old in my arms, and this massive bloke in workman's overalls just went "ah cute, can I hold him?" and I LET HIM. He cooed over him for 30secs and then handed him back.

Still can't believe I allowed it. He could have been a psycho.

New mum fog.

ToeToToe I was on the train with ds who was 18 months old. I was also pg with dd1. Some rowdy fans got on and started annoying passengers sat quietly. One bloke came and sat at the table with us. He was pissed and kept asking to hold ds. I said no as he gets upset. He gets up and rather than walking away picks up ds and wanders off down the train with him. Well I started panicking and they all found it funny and started passing him around. I was heavily pregnant and alone and these wankers thought it was hilarious.

I honestly can't see why you would be rude to someone who admired your baby.

I was struggling to fold the buggy once when the bus arrived and I was afraid the driver was going to drive off and leave me there, so I dumped the baby on his lap and then got off to fold the buggy. The driver looked like and then

xFreePeaceSweetx - what a horrid experience, that is a nightmare

Bert - you're oversimplifying. It is extremely unlike me to be rude to anyone, in fact I am typically a peacekeeper and actually put myself to protect other people's feelings. The situation made me uncomfortable. If you don't have anything useful, you know where to go...

Freepeace-that's not really a stranger holding the baby story- it's a vile arseholes who deserved the police being called story.

You may have felt completely differently if she hadn't pestered you so much.

I've offered to hold stranger's baby or toddler when I've seen someone struggling. I generally get either a grateful "Thanks!" and the infant handed over, or a grateful "I'm fine, but thanks for offering." Occasionally there's a hostile response. But I would never pester someone about their baby. That's horrible behaviour.

If you don't have anything useful, you know where to go...

That doesn't sound very peacekeeper like OP.

@MrSpock

"Two old women offered to sit with DS for me while I went to pay."

It's easier to have a stranger you can out run watch them.

Unless it happened to be my daughter's great-grandparents...they're fitter then most half their age.

@xFreePeaceSweetx

No one else said anything to them? You'd think someone else would have tried to help.

I wonder if you can pull the emergency brake in a scenario like that? 🤔

It's easier to have a stranger you can out run watch them.

That’s true! If they’d tried to run off with him I’d have easily caught them

GreatDuck - yes ok fair point. Feeling a little defensive at the tone I interpreted the message. However, as you will have seen I am here to learn and am quite willing to accept fair criticism... I do stand by my sentiment though that if someone doesn't have something useful to contribute it is probably best to scroll past, but that's just me - I would generally rather try to help. I'm aware my comment to the lady may have been rude and out of place and have acknowledged this in previous posts. In all honesty I am peacekeeper come push over and trying to learn to stand up for myself a bit more... so to Bert, thanks for your point of view, apologies if I got it wrong (again) I personally don't think agree with the oversimplification but that's fine we don't have to agree with everyone

OP you sound very kind, I think you were just taken aback by the lady.

MrSpock - I try to be, thank you. That's why this has bothered me, she looked mortified and that makes me awful, but also conflicted as ultimately I was not comfortable in that situation.

I don't think BertrandRussell's post was unhelpful if I'm honest. I agree with what she said. Plus I'm not sure she was directing it straight at you OP but more of a general comment.

I also find it a bit irritating when posters start a thread but tell people where to go because they have disagreed with them. It takes all sorts of views to make a forum, not just the ones people want to hear.

YANBU - I get so annoyed about people like this. It's not like she's a relative.

GreatDuck - my interpretation was that it was directed at me. I put this thread out there to understand other people's points of views and how they would have responded... a couple of people have said they felt I overreacted and I have accepted those views (not that I wanted to hear them). Im aware my response was less than ideal.

Hey it's a public forum people can contribute as they wish. I personally felt the comment was a little blunt and uncalled for itself (much like berts view of the initial incident I imagine)... but I put the thread out there for comment, so have to accept what's said but I don't have to necessarily agree

@xfreepeacesweetx that’s absolutely horrendous I can’t even imagine what that was lie for you and your poor baby. I personally wouldn’t even let family hold mine after a drink let alone a stranger

I just thought as BR had already commented earlier in the thread that this comment was just a general one and not directed to just you OP. Could be wrong obviously.

I’m probably gonna be seen as completely unreasonable here. After the 2nd or 3rd time I would have quite firmly said that we’re fine thank you. If again, then I’d say we would come up if we needed anything thank you. And I wouldn’t feel entirely guilty about being borderline rude when asked to hold him, as I don’t want to needlessly upset anyone but I do believe some people need to know social boundaries. Someone could really be rude to her one day and truly upset her, and she would think it was completely out of the blue and unreasonable.

I’m also very anxious as a person and suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder and the thought of other people’s germs on my children makes my blood run cold.

If someone grabbed your phone off the table, or your watch from your wrist you’d jump up and shout either to stop or for help. Neither of those things are a tenth as precious as my children so yes, if someone picked them up without my express permission I would absolutely go ballistic. The world is a nasty place and a stranger’s feelings are nowhere near as important as my child’s wellbeing or safety.