When a stranger asks to hold your baby...

[Katrina12]

Met a friend for coffee and cake this afternoon with my 8 month old... DS is very friendly and sociable and the lady serving our table took quite a shine to him. She kept 'popping back' to check we were ok and to smile and wave at DS. I am very sociable myself and as DS is such a smiler I often getting chatting to people out and about which I am more than happy to do... however, this lady wouldn't leave us alone and persisted to keep coming back for well over an hour. Not only was this annoying as I had not seen my friend in months (who had driven for over an hour to see us), but I was trying to feed DS and she kept distracted him which eventually led to a meltdown in the middle of the cafe. Finally as I was picking him up from his high chair to put him in his pram she came over and held her hands out and asked if she could hold him... I found this totally inappropriate. In my shock my mind went absolutely blank and I rather abruptly just blurted out 'no you cannot' - I am usually a very polite easy going person, but I was so shocked by her request and I guess instinct just kicked. AIBU to feel this was an inappropriate request of this woman? What would you have said/done?

YANBU.

I love babies and want to cuddle them all but I wouldn't ask anybody (not even a friend) if I could hold their baby. I would wait for the mother to ask me if I want to.

Like this

StylishMummy I didn’t see that, apologies. It’s a bit stupid to touch a baby that obviously is unwell.

Well obviously the woman in question didn't see your big red sign either I'm guessing StylishMummy?

Stop shouting too please. There's really no need.

I'm sorry but that sign could be easily missed or misconstrued as something else!

When my son was a few hours old we stopped at a restaurant in the way home for dinner. There was a lady on the next table who kept going out to smoke. After about 20 passes and cooing over the baby she finally asked “Can I kiss your baby?” While already bending down to kiss him. I clotheslined her with my arm and asked if I could go and kiss her husband. She walked off in a huff!

While already bending down to kiss him. I clotheslined her with my arm and asked if I could go and kiss her husband. She walked off in a huff!

NotUmbongoUnchained

That is possible one of the best things I have ever heard.

My husband hates being out with me in public

What's with the need to try and kiss random babies?

OP so what happened when you abruptly said, ‘No you cannot!’, what did she say? You can’t just leave us hanging like that

Meh I usually let anyone and everyone hold ds2... he's a wee delight and seems to attract people! Ds1 with his permanent scowl used to scream if anyone so much as looked at him. Now at 2 he randomly likes to take people by the hand and show them his toys/jumping skills/ask them.foe biscuits... 😂

Wtf is that sign? Jesus Christ people are precious!

Can understand with a prem/poorly baby but for most babies it does them good to be exposed to the environment!

Imo

A little blunt

I wasn't precious about a quick hold

Dd was literally whisked away on several holidays but we found it quite amusing

McNutty - she look mortified and I quickly filled the silence muttering about how we were in a rush to get somewhere (in a friendlier tone to try and ease the awkwardness), whilst strapping him in and refusing to make eye contact. Luckily I'd already asked one of the other members of staff for the bill and settled up! We scuttled off very quickly indeed

That pushchair sign reminds me of those baby on board signs in cars

When DS was about 5 months we went on holiday to Cornwall. We decided to go out for a meal knowing full well that the likelihood would be that DS would end up being held by one of us during the meal. When the waitress (who was late teens/early 20's) brought us our meal she offered to hold our DS whilst we ate as the restaurant was quiet and there was another waitress if anyone else came in. I was so grateful to her and happily handed over our DS. We could see him at all times and was so grateful to her for giving us one uninterrupted meal! She got a hefty tip I can tell you!

My DH was at that time a DCI on a Major Crime Unit who has dealt with so many nasty cases, including children. He is the one that always kept me level headed that there is not a murderer/rapist/paedophile around every corner. Most people are actually lovely and are trying to help.

Sounds like you were fed up with her constant interest and interruptions when you were trying to chat to your friend and see to your DS, so her asking to hold DS was the last straw.
If you have an over-interested waitress again tell her from the start that "yes everything is fine and if we need anything we'll ask but right now we'd rather be left alone".

That pushchair sign reminds me of those baby on board signs in cars

Yes I think similar. It certainly doesn't jump out to me as some very important information and could understand why someone would completely miss it.

Icequeen - I think I would have felt comfortable with that too if she hadn't been quite so full on, plus an offer feels less pressurised than the way this lady went about it. It's good to hear your DH's comments, and everyone else's, as it's very easy to fall into a negative mindset and let occasions like this compound those thoughts.

I was always v happy to let anyone hold my babies. But then I'm not particularly worried about germs, paedophiles or child snatchers.

Yes it is sad however it's also evolution at work. To me the notion that it SHOULD be ok because they PROBABLY don't mean my baby harm isn't enough of a reassurance :-/ I get what you're saying though and if someone offers me help with a bag or a pushchair I am so bloody grateful!! But if you don't know me well enough to touch me then there's no reason to be touching my baby. I need to be super vigilant because my babies cant say yes or no for themselves x

Llangeenith - that one liner is going firmly up my sleeve. I don't know why I didn't think of saying that...

I've never had a complete stranger ask to hold my baby! But if they did they would politely be told no. Not just because they might run off with him! Also because holding puts him in close proximity to the person's mouth and you never know when they might decide to inappropriately kiss him, and I might not be close enough to dive in and stop them. You don't know what germs other people have got and it only takes one kiss from someone with herpes to infect your child for life (and potentially kill if the child is very young).

After seeing a young mum struggling with a baby and toddler while trying to fold a pushchair I asked if she'd like me to hold the baby or hold the toddler's hand so she had both hands free. She was so rude in saying no it's really put me off offering again.