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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have kicked them out?

261 replies

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:24

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

OP posts:
Gildashairflick · 07/08/2018 18:48

I'm not one to shout ring 101 easily but in this case I would. Despite their shocking behaviour, their age and obvious immaturity does give them a degree of vulnerability. I wouldn't have them back in my house but I would let non emergency number know that 2 children (they are legally children) have no where to go tonight but your children are at risk from them so you can't accommodate them. Emergency foster placement may have to be found over night while police speak with CF mother and tell her to come home tomorrow. If she doesn't she faces child abandonment charges I reckon.

Foodylicious · 07/08/2018 18:49

Just re read you OP- so its only Tuesday and she is not back till Friday or Saturday?

That is clearly too long for these two to be unsupervised.
If they are not staying with you and she does not come back tomorrow at the latest or find family they can stay with, you may have to call SS anyway.

ProudThrilledHappy · 07/08/2018 18:49

Op even putting aside the mess and disrepect to you, these girls have injured and sworn at your children. Having them back in your home puts them at risk, and your children are your responsibility.

At best I would agree to a tent in the garden but tbh I cannot believe there are no other friends or relatives they could go to in this situation, if not I would wager it is because everyone else knows how appallingly they behave

MummyMummy01 · 07/08/2018 18:52

Be firm and stand your ground. Sounds like your friend “needed a holiday”. She needs to come home early or get family member to stand in

crazycatgal · 07/08/2018 18:52

Don't let them back in. If one of the girls is 16 then they are old enough to be left alone.

cheesefield · 07/08/2018 18:52

You absolutely should not let them back in. They've behaved in a disgustingly disrespectful manner.

Agree with pp, tell your friend that she will need to sort someone to go and stay with them in their own house. No discussion.

ohfourfoxache · 07/08/2018 18:54

I suspect this is going to be the end of this “friendship” - she’s a lying, manipulative CF

RuggerHug · 07/08/2018 18:55

She'll pay to replace if you let them back in, so she wasn't going to replace anything if you didn't?

Bloody hell OP, I'd pretend to be out in case they tried to plead their way in later.

CharlieandLolaCat · 07/08/2018 18:55

I would be expecting your 'friend' to return and parent her own children. I don't know where she has gone but in most instances she should be able to be back by tomorrow.

I would let them back in to the house but if possible, I would be separating them and explaining to them that they have broken your trust, their behaviour is outrageous and that you'll be invoicing their DM for the cleaning.

I am so sorry OP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/08/2018 18:55

She’s no friend Hmm

Poor you OP and your poor children.

You’ve got a hell of a consensus here, it’s not your problem to solve and she needs to come back ASAP and parent her horrible kids.

Secretsquirrel101 · 07/08/2018 18:55

Your 'friend' knew exactly what she was doing didn't she, the sneaky cow. She didn't give a fuck about you, your family or your home. She didn't even trust them to be in her home while she's away! Fuck her, and her feral children. She can book them a travel lodge as a pp says.

BlueBug45 · 07/08/2018 18:57

As a PP suggested dump them at a police station now. Explain to that they injured your children who are under 5 so you cannot have them in your house and that there mother is abroad on holiday. Then give the police their mother's details.

bastardkitty · 07/08/2018 18:57

Do not let them back in under any circumstances. I would call social care too. They should not have been left and if they have been locked out of home they need input from a social worker. I would send one text - they will not be coming in my house again, so over to you!

MadMags · 07/08/2018 19:00

She left the country? County? Without leaving a key?

Wtf?!

I wouldn’t be letting them back around my children.

goforthandmultiply · 07/08/2018 19:01

It turns out they don't actually have a key to their own house, never did as friend (if I can call her that anymore) didnt want them to trash it, so the promise they would spend the day there was a lie.

So basically she knew they would trash the house so sent them to you instead? She's no friend. She needs to make her way home and sort her kids out ASAP. Why should you have to have them in your home when they are trashing things, ignoring or being rude to
You all and disrespecting everything you say?

goforthandmultiply · 07/08/2018 19:03

Btw if you can't trust your kids then you don't leave them.

The no key thing is insane. What if they left things at home they needed to get? The stupidity is vast.

LotsToThinkOf · 07/08/2018 19:05

What did you say to her when she admitted they didn't have a key?

She's a massive piss taker! Does she have form for this? When is she supposed to be coming home?

I think I'd contact the non-emergency police number at this point. You made them leave (quite rightly) on the knowledge that they'd be going home; now you know they are not at home they could be anywhere, they have no known safe place to go. So they need locating and keeping safe, their ages make them vulnerable to have no home to go to. Tell the police the situation, your stupid friend can deal with the consequences of her actions when she gets home. Do not agree to them coming back to your house!

I cannot believe how those girls think they have the right to behave like that in your home. Horrible little brats.

StarsHollow123 · 07/08/2018 19:06

I'd be calling ss as at 14yrs old she can go into care. Should the system have to look after these girls? No, their parents should come back immediately from holiday and look after them. But you should not be in a position where your children are at risk of physical harm by these girls being your home.

endofthelinefinally · 07/08/2018 19:11

I would photograph your 3 year old's injury too.
Poor little soul must have been frightened.

LyndorCake · 07/08/2018 19:13

Let us know if they try and come back!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/08/2018 19:16

It turns out they don't actually have a key to their own house, never did as friend (if I can call her that anymore) didnt want them to trash it

Are you sure about the lack of a key? Because, along with the "paying for damage if you let them in " thing, that sounds to me like just another lie to persuade you to have them Hmm

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/08/2018 19:19

Also, absolutely nobody I know goes away without leaving a house key with someone ... friend, neighbour, relative, whatever

What's wrong with her calling whoever's got her spare and asking them to go round to let the girls in?

twoshedsjackson · 07/08/2018 19:30

Divide and rule? Maybe other family members could be persuaded to have one each? Or the 16 year old while the 14 year old goes into emergency foster care? As for anxiety - what about the anxiety and physical harm she has done to your young children?

RoseWhiteTips · 07/08/2018 19:32

I don’t get this whole thing. No key left now. Whatever next?

funinthesun18 · 07/08/2018 19:40

Wow those girls sound like a complete nightmare. I bet most toddlers would behave better!

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