To have kicked them out?

[upsideup]

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

They've let you down and let their dp's down. The friend will have to come home. You can't be expected to put up with that. Show the friend this thread!

Tbf OP a 14 and a 16 year old shouldn’t really be left home alone for a week whilst parents are on holiday. Not that it’s your issue but tbh their parents are massively unreasonable.

Frankly I can see why your friend needed a holiday without them. YANBU and they should be offering you a massive apology for their attitude

I cannot fathom your friend going on holiday and leaving the 14 yr old at home? Either they should have been made to go on holiday or your friend should have not gone on holiday. Terrible parenting.

They sound awful. You need to contact their mother and let them know they aren't staying at yours now.

Agreed the friend should cut short holiday and come home. This is no longer your problem.

I might sound cold- you owe them nothing.They should know how to behave.Don't let them in again.

As an anxiety sufferer I can tell you there's absolutely no chance in HELL I would ever dream of acting this way towards anybody. How can she not care about the upset she causes?

I think I'd say the the 14yr old can sleep at your house. I'd give specific times for coming in and leaving in the morning. I'd not put up with her all day nor would I put up with the 16yr old.

Hopefully the 14yo will be anxious about her mother's reaction to having to come home - little shit!

I'm with you at making them leave. Given the age of the youngest and the fact you accepted responsibility I would be calling friend and telling her she needs to make other arrangements.

Im thinking it's more likely she didn't want to leave them home alone as she thought they would trash her house and she didn't think they would at yours.

I have no idea why the parent(s) think leaving a 14 year old whilst going on holiday is acceptable.

The whole arrangement sounds odd to me.

I’d have kicked them out too after the rudeness and disrespect.

Your friend needs to get home and sort her children out.

Tell your friend she needs to come home and sort out her kids, you agreed to look after two we’ll behaved teens but instead got rude, ungrateful, disrespectful, disgustingly behaved animals.
YANBU, not what you agreed to at all, she bloody knew exactly what they’d be like that’s why she didn’t take them on holiday with her!

They sound awful

Don't blame you at all

She has anxiety yet she doesn’t care about the anxiety she causes others? Riiiight. Still
the right call, OP.

^ this

14 and 16 should be more than capable of being left together for a few days, especially with your supervision.
Tell your friend she needs to make other arrangements ASAP or come home.

what did your friend say about the damage and disrespectful behaviour? Did you tell them the full extent?

I'd have thrown them out the second I found out what they did to your daughter's bedroom. I'd tell your friend to sling her hook, I didn't agree to harbouring rude, feral brats. You owe her FA. I'd actually have recorded all the damage and sent her a clip of it on the phone and tell her to come pick up their stuff or you'll throw it out. She knows her kids, it's her lookout if she leaves them alone to go on hols and they trash her house. My son was one we could never leave alone.

You lasted longer than I would have.

Hope their mum has bollecked them on the phone, I'd have bloody killed them

Take plenty of pictures. Of your carpet, of your kids' cut lip, a detailed account like you've given here... list it all, and let your friend sort it. They have wrecked the holiday, not you.

I'd definitely be taking photos of the damage and note down everything they did as I fully expect them to play a sob story to their mum.

You were an angel for lasting so long. They've not obeyed any of your house ruled

Take photos ofthe mess, trashed room, marked carpet, questionable smears on wall and toddlers cut lip.
Send them to your friend.
Tell her she needs to come home NOW.

Also tell her how much food they've eaten, the rudeness and unacceptable behaviour you've had. Id be inclined to inlcude a rough estimate of costs

I’d find it difficult to believe that the girls behave —like normal people— well at home but turn into inconsiderate, rude oiks when their mother isn’t around.

I think it’s likely your friend knew exactly how difficult they can be but thought that you wouldn’t have the ovaries to kick them out, so thought she’d manage to get a decent break out of it!

I am absolutely fed up with people claiming 'anxiety' as an excuse for behaving in a thoughtless and irresponsible manner. People who are ACTUALLY anxious are so worried about their feelings affecting others that they usually go quite the other way, ime... Tell your friends to come home and fix the mess their children have made.

At 14 I'd have managed a few days on my own. It wouldn't have occurred to me to treat someone else's house like that!
I bet that's the real reason why the parents didn't want them home alone.
YANBU op, quite often people like this don't change until someone properly stands up to them. I don't think I'd have lasted as long as you did.