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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have kicked them out?

261 replies

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:24

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

OP posts:
Whitecurrents · 07/08/2018 18:32

Get a locksmith to break in and fit a new lock. She can pay by credit card over the phone.

Ariclock · 07/08/2018 18:32

Call social services op, there's no friendship to save here. It is their mothers responsibility to ensure that they have somewhere to stay not yours. They will have to stay at a friend's or in a hotel. I wouldn't be surprised if their friends parents say no too though.

Hairyfairy01 · 07/08/2018 18:33

Is your 'friend' overseas? Are there not any relatives that could take them in? Have you pulled your 'friend' up on the fact she lied to you and the dc do not have a key?

fairgame84 · 07/08/2018 18:33

Are there any of the girls relatives nearby who can take them in?
They sound horrific, I wouldn't blame you for not allowing them back.

SirHubzALot · 07/08/2018 18:36

There are several solutions to your friend's problem. However, it is her problem to solve and not yours. She needs to either find a solution from abroad or come back and sort it out herself.

diddl · 07/08/2018 18:37

If I've read correctly, you barely even know the goirls, so she must have spun you one hell of a story!

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 18:37

I wouldn't try to solve your twat friend's problems, either, but giving suggestions like getting a locksmith or a hotel room or a relative. Just tell her the way she's ordered you to take her kids, 'NO. They are not coming back here. They are a danger to my kids and my property. They will not be let in. Do not contact me further. I want nothing more to do with you.' Because she's a shit, not a friend.

Makemineboozefree · 07/08/2018 18:37

Here's a question for you, OP - why didn't any of your friend's extended family want to take them in, like grandparents? Perhaps because they knew what a nightmare they'd be? Your "friend" has taken you for a mug - the fact she wouldn't give them a key in case they trashed their house speaks volumes. Don't put your own children at risk by letting them back in and demand your friend comes home tonight. They are NOT your responsibility.

dinosaurkisses · 07/08/2018 18:37

So there’s no relations, or friends of their mother or even school friends that they can stay with?

Yeah, because those bridges have probably been long burnt and they’re wise to OP’s friend and her feral children!

Lemonyfuckit · 07/08/2018 18:39

I would tell friend you are phoning social services / police unless she makes arrangements to come back today or for them to go to a relative - although this would probably spell the end of the friendship, but that is not your fault OP - not only was their behaviour outrageous, and your friend a complete CF for putting you in this position in the first place (let's face it, she probably is aware what her DDs are actually like), but she also lied to you about what the arrangements were - ie them spending the day at their house and just coming to yours for the nights.

TedAndLola · 07/08/2018 18:39

Why should the OP go to the trouble and expense of booking hotels, arranging locksmiths (who will not just break into somebody's house for you!) or any of that?

Call social services. They will have to get the 14-year-old somewhere safe for the night (not sure about the 16-year-old) and hopefully it will scare the bejeezus out of their feckless mother.

Daftasabroom · 07/08/2018 18:39

Get your friend to book a room at the local TravelLodge, you or taxi can drop them off. Friend can pick up the bill when she can be bothered to return.

Ginger1982 · 07/08/2018 18:39

Yep, tell her she will have to pay for a hotel. When is she back?

Ginger1982 · 07/08/2018 18:40

She also completely lied by saying they would be at their own house during the day if they don't have a key. What a CF!

Unfinishedkitchen · 07/08/2018 18:41

She knows they’re not house trained. That’s why she palmed them off on you so her house wouldn’t get wrecked. She knows they’d stay in training the house. You’ve been mugged off. Sorry.

ZenNudist · 07/08/2018 18:42

this friendship is over. It is not your problem. Even if you could forgive this woman she won't forgive you. She is completely in the wrong having lied to you about her daughter is having access to their own house and misleading you that they would mainly spend their time there.

I know what you mean that it'll be really hard to turn them away if they did turn up on your doorstep. Just try and keep it in mind that what they have done has been completely unacceptable. There is no point giving a second chance.

blacksax · 07/08/2018 18:43

The 14 year old has anxiety
Anxiety my arse. People who genuinely suffer from anxiety wouldn't ever behave like brats in someone else's house for fear of getting into trouble or being told off. They would go out of their way to not cause issues.

cheesefield · 07/08/2018 18:44

.

ItsJustASimpleLine · 07/08/2018 18:45

If they show up insist they hand over their phones/tablets etc, make up and if applicable straighteners (I'd have hated not being able to straighten hair at that age). Explain that they can have straighteners and make up back in the morning to get ready to GO OUT and then phones back on the way out the door IF the room is clean and tidy and nothing is touched that shouldn't be. Tell them what time they will be eating and that no other food is to be consumed on the premises, or no phone.

Your house, your rules.

Technology is your friend here use it to your advantage.

Tell their mother the terms and if she/they don't agree then report her for child abandonment (or at least threaten too) which is what she has done by not leaving a key.

Their behaviour is completely unacceptable, your children should not be exposed to that and your duty of care was agreed on the basis they had access to their home. You were lied too.

Good luck

Foodylicious · 07/08/2018 18:45

So have you or their mum actually had any contact with either of these two teens since they left your house this afternoon or have any idea where they gone?

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 18:46

You'd be utterly mad to let them in. They don't respect rules. They injured your child. She abandoned them. If I were your partner I'd tell you in no uncertain terms that they would not be coming back in as they trashed our home and injured our child. I'd think you were out your tree to even consider letting them back in.

maddening · 07/08/2018 18:47

Just tell your friend that she will need to Organise someone to go and stay with them in their home

Snappedandfarted2018 · 07/08/2018 18:48

Bloody hell thats disgusting behaviour op. I second not letting them back in either. The fact she didn’t give them a key so they didn’t trash there house says it all really. I would contact social services unless she finds alternative childcare. Not your monkeys not you’re circus op.

Runninglateeveryday · 07/08/2018 18:48

Oh my unbelievabley rude she is no friend she knew exactly what they were like and was happy for you to deal with that, she'll be worried about them having house parties.

Do not have them back

hamandpease · 07/08/2018 18:48

It's very convenient that they suddenly don't have a key

Where did they go last night?

Who told you this ? Your friend? If so what did you say when you pointed out she lied to you?

Where is she? Short haul? She needs to come back and parent her children....

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