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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have kicked them out?

261 replies

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:24

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

OP posts:
hannnnnnnxo · 07/08/2018 18:14

OP, how do you know that the lack of keys isn’t a lie instead? Their mother could have just concocted that story up now so that you feel compelled to take them back, when in reality they do have a key?

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/08/2018 18:15

I don't think that is tricky at all. Your friend clearly should not have gone away. She knew they weren't responsible enough to be left on their own and she lied to you (supposedly a friend) to try and get away with it and protect her assets atthe expense of your assets and your family's safety. When it went wrong she didn't try to arrange to come back as soon as possible but kept up the pretense and tried to talk you into taking them back. It seems quite possible she's lying about the 14 year old's anxiety too, though with a parent like that maybe the anxiety is more justifiable, reasonable concern.

You need to call social services, tell them they have no place to sleep refuse to have them stay. This "friend" of yours has neglected her children, they need professional support and they aren't going to get it if you let them back into your house, regardless of how well behaved they are from this point.

mineisarossini · 07/08/2018 18:15

Just saw your update. Your friendship is over anyway why risk your house and children.
Put up a tent in the garden for them and a bucket and tell her to come home immediately or you will call ss or the police.
What a shame that your kindness has been abused so badly Wine and 💐 for you

hannnnnnnxo · 07/08/2018 18:16

Also your ‘friend’ is endangering her daughters, not you

Angrybird345 · 07/08/2018 18:17

Invoice friend for new carpet!

trojanpony · 07/08/2018 18:17

Friend has apologised for their behaviour and said when she gets back she will pay for anything that needs to be replaced if I let them come back, theres not really anything that needs to be replaced, everything just needs tidying and cleaning.

Not when she gets back, NOW.

Get a quote for everything (carpets etc) to be professionally cleaned and charge for your time on the tidying / basic cleaning. Ask her for payment in the next 3 days, everyone has WiFi so can do online banking. She’s a cheeky fucker and if you don’t keep momentum I guarantee she’ll start back peddling.

Re: the here and now.
Do not let those little shits back in your home.
if the mother is “happy to pay” get her to pay upfront for a nearby hotel to accommodate them or get the mother to book an Airbnb.
Do not pay for anything yourself!!!

She knows what they are like clearly and has utterly taken the piss with you.
Have some Cake and Wine you have had the patience of a saint

KC225 · 07/08/2018 18:17

So shocked a Freind would put you in this position.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 07/08/2018 18:17

I agree. Tell her she comes home now or you will report to the authorities. Unacceptable.

Fluffyears · 07/08/2018 18:18

Her shitty kids didn’t stick to the agreement so neither do you. You did this as a favour and your hospitality and good nature has basically been shit on. Be furious about it!

Original poster
upsideup · 07/08/2018 18:19

Have known friend 6 years, I have met both girls quite a few times before at friends house where they mostly have stayed in their room or sat on their phones but never got the impression from them or their mum that they were badly behaved.

OP posts:
HotSauceCommittee · 07/08/2018 18:20

The girls parents need to step up, return immediately and to PARENT Their children.
Does your friend normally have a chaotic life style?

ApproachingATunnel · 07/08/2018 18:21

Do not let them back in. Send pic of damage to your friend. She should be paying for the damage.
Your friend has all the hallmarks of a CF- any normal person would be horrified at their kids behaviour not trying to guilt trip you.

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 18:22

If they don't find a friends house to sleep at tonight which they hopefully will and turn up here instead then I'm going to have to let them back in.

NO you don't have to let them in and in fact you are putting your own children at risk if you do. That would be beyond stupid to let them in. They were trying to sneak alcohol into your home, do you realise that if they had done that and something happened to them in your house that you could be held responsible for this? Have you lost the plot? They caused your child to cut her lip. This is a no-brainer unless you're a jellyfish. You text back the mum, 'They are not welcome in my home. They are a danger to my children and my property. I will not let them in. They are your responsibility,' and if they turn up you tell them you can't let them in no matter what they say because only an utter idiot would put their kids at further risk by having them in the house.

I'd actually ring the police non-emergency number and see what they say. This woman abandoned them. Fuck her.

Whocansay · 07/08/2018 18:22

Phone your friend and tell her that she can either come home or pay for a hotel for them.

This is NOT your responsibility. She's a nasty CF.

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2018 18:25

I don’t think I’d even go for the tent option myself. They clearly don’t do as asked, do you want 2 drunk teenagers destroying your garden instead of your house? You’d have to lock them out of the house or they could come in and trash it, and they are not respecting your kids. Why shouldn’t your kids play in the garden in this weather?

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 18:26

'We have nowhere else to go.' 'Should have thought about that before you trashed my house and pushed my kid. Not my problem, it's your mother's for not giving you a key. Leave or I'll call the police,' and then do it. She's no friend. What a cunt. Didn't give them a key cuz she knew they'd trash her house, lied to you, now has the front to order you about.

PitchBlackNight · 07/08/2018 18:27

I want to see a picture of the carpet and the wall smear! How trashed is it?

😱😱😱😱😱

ApolloandDaphne · 07/08/2018 18:27

That is no friend. I would suggest to her she finds another mug to take her DDs or get her ass on the next flight home.

Loopylou6 · 07/08/2018 18:28

No wonder they act like that with your 'friend' as a parent

TedAndLola · 07/08/2018 18:29

Call social services. This is not your problem and you don't need to let it become your problem.

thereareflowersinmygarden · 07/08/2018 18:29

Don't let them back in.

Stormwhale · 07/08/2018 18:29

I think no matter what you are going to lose the friendship. I would keep that in mind and deal with this in a very assertive manner. I would tell her that the girls are absolutely no longer welcome in your home and that she needs to return home to let them in or you will have to contact social services.

diddl · 07/08/2018 18:30

You can't let them back in as it's not fair on your kids.

She needs to get her selfish arse back asap & sort it out.

SirHubzALot · 07/08/2018 18:30

Your 'friend' is a CF! She should be on her way back to sort this out - you don't have to let them back in because she lied to you about them having the key.

Cuttingthegrass · 07/08/2018 18:31

Well either friend pays for hotel for her daughters

Friend pays locksmith to change locks so they can get in. Perhaps you may feel inclined to offer to sleep at their house. Can understand if you don't though

Friend returns from holiday

It's difficult as you said you'd have them over night so involving SS prob won't work? But may do.

Awful situation