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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have kicked them out?

261 replies

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:24

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

OP posts:
Kidssendingmenuts · 07/08/2018 17:56

So their mum didn't give them a key to there own house because she knew they would trash it. Said they would be good as gold for you and no bother. I'm sorry to say this but I think you've been had!

StepBackNow · 07/08/2018 17:56

Tell your friend to come home and take responsibility for them.Or to send the money for a hotel. Do not let them in. They will wreck your house deliberately.

PsychoPumpkin · 07/08/2018 17:56

That’s not your problem but I see why you would consider letting them back in if they have nowhere else to go.

I’d be tempted to tell your ‘friend’ that she’d better Be on a flight home ASAP because they are only staying one night. If they have nowhere to stay tomorrow night then it’s her fault not yours

ReservoirDogs · 07/08/2018 17:56

Tell your friend to call the local Travelodge and pay for a room for them on her CreditCard!

if the 14 year old really had anxiety she would be anxious about trashing your house.

Where is the friend - UK or abroad?
Where is their father with her or separate but in UK?

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2018 17:57

You could call the non emergency police number if she refuses to come home.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 07/08/2018 17:59

How did she drop that nugget of information in? Oh you have to let them in they have nowhere else to go.

Personally I’d reply saying you’re going to report them to the police as being abandoned. As far as you were concerned they had house keys. They’ve physically hurt your much younger children. Fuck letting them back in. They’re dicks. And the Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

Whatsthisbear · 07/08/2018 17:59

Or you could just contact social services and tell them their mother has left them..... I wouldn’t want them back in my house. Is there not a nearby relative?
Shocking she was happy to let them trash your house but not their own. Shocking a couple of teens were brought up to behave that way in someone else’s home in the first place. Shock

Merryoldgoat · 07/08/2018 18:00

They don’t have a fucking KEY? That friend of yours is a massive pisstaker.

SadTrombone · 07/08/2018 18:01

^What StepBack and Reservoir said

mickeysminnie · 07/08/2018 18:02

How long is your 'friend's' holiday? Is she back this week?

thisismygaff · 07/08/2018 18:02

Sound like horrible kids and are an embarrassment to your friend. I would not let them back in the house, at most I would go to their house and check on them every now and then. If your friend doesn't like it she can cancel her holiday and look after her kids.

AveABanana · 07/08/2018 18:03

Shocking she was happy to let them trash your house but not their own Exactly Shock

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/08/2018 18:04

Tell your friend to call the local Travelodge and pay for a room for them on her CreditCard!

THIS!

Your "friend" deliberately lied - she had no intention of letting the little shits spend most of the day in her home!

Tell her you are not letting them in and she'd better hope that they can break into the shed or something.

They are NOT your responsibility!

LittleOwl153 · 07/08/2018 18:04

Having heard they have no key Do NOT let them in. She knew this was going to happen and does not care. Do not be that mug. Let her deal with the situation - and make sure you tell her you will not let them in.

Notevilstepmother · 07/08/2018 18:05

The problem is if you let them in and they hurt one of your kids, social services will want to know why you let them in. But if you phone social services and say they can’t stay I bet they will try to persuade you to keep them Hmm

Police might be a better option. I say this knowing how stretched services are.

Your so called friend really needs telling.

Charolais · 07/08/2018 18:05

This is what happens when you over indulge your children - you can’t trust them to behave around other people.

DorisDances · 07/08/2018 18:07

this is really tricky - you have agreed to take on responsibility but clearly there haven't been ground rules established by all parties. Could your friend not call the girls and tell them to behave themselves or maybe come home early? you are quite right to be outraged and can sort our recompense when this is over but for now, you don't want something to happen when you are not there given you have said you will have them in your home. I wish you well.

lightonthewater · 07/08/2018 18:08

I would have kicked them out much sooner as others have said. What rude, disrespectful ungrateful girls. Their mother should be ashamed of them.

Starlighter · 07/08/2018 18:09

They sound awful! I would’ve kicked them out for less.

This is your friend’s problem. She’s a cheeky fucker. If she can’t control her kids, she needs to come home. Or call family or another friend or book a bloody hotel if it comes to it! Not your problem.

GlitteryFluff · 07/08/2018 18:10

Awful behaviour. Has friend phoned them and given them a bollocking?

mineisarossini · 07/08/2018 18:10

Your friend needs to come home immediately. They need to stay in their own house until she arrives back tonight or the morning.

Your friend knew very well what a nightmare they both are, which is why they are with you, she had taken total advantage of you and your friendship.

It is up to your friend to find a replacement and childcare for tonight. Wash your hands completely. I would have put an end to this much sooner and would not be on speaking terms any longer with any friend that did this to me and my family.

WinnieFosterTether · 07/08/2018 18:12

I'm trying to imagine a situation where I'd have teens to stay without knowing what their behaviour was like; without checking they had keys to their own house and where I'd throw them out without making them tidy up and without being sure they could get home. I'm bemused/surprised.

That's not to say this is your responsibility - just that in RL I don't know anyone who would have agreed to take the teens in your situation.

But your friend needs to find out where they are and make other arrangements. Leaving a 16 and 14 year old to find their own alternative place to live is completely irresponsible. No wonder the 14-yr-old suffers from anxiety if her parents are so unreliable.

divadee · 07/08/2018 18:12

If you have to have them back as they have nowhere else to go put them in a tent in your garden with a bucket to use for a loo and some big bottles of water to drink. They are being looked after but can't actually trash anything. It's warm enough to do it.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 · 07/08/2018 18:12

Awful behaviour from 'friend'. Clearly she knows what they're like any family (of theirs) nearby?

KERALA1 · 07/08/2018 18:12

I host girls this age have done for years now I would have thrown them out way earlier than you op, and have done so without a second thought.

It's actually good for dreadfully parented teens to come up against an adult who stands firm and isn't wet like mummy and daddy. They need to learn this fast to survive in the adult world. The rare occasions I have done so the kids are Shock. For some it's the first time they've been told no. Oh and it's not normal the vast majority are absolutely fine if not pleasant.