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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have kicked them out?

261 replies

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:24

Friend has gone on holiday for the first time without her 14 and 16 year old dd's, they didn't want to be left home alone overnight so we agreed they could stay here. We were told that they would be no bother, would be out with friends or in their own house all day and we didn't need to provide meals as they had money to get their own (though we said we didn't mind giving them food), basically we were just giving them a bed in our house to sleep in.

They got here Saturday evening and are sharing dd2's room who was away but back tonight and was planning on sharing with DD1 for the rest of the week. They had trashed her room within an few hours of getting here, gone through all of her stuff, chucked her clothes onto the floor and just made a mess. We had to take out all of dd's private/precious stuff out of the room so they couldn't go through it or destroy it anymore. DD has an en suite, I told them to keep and use their makeup in there as the bedroom has white walls and a white carpet. I looked last night and both their makeup bags were on the white carpet surrounded by loads of makeup stains and there's also what I hope is makeup smeared down the wall. The bathroom and bedroom are just an absolute mess.

They didn't got out at all Sunday or Monday day and just stayed in dds room watching TV, they've helped themselves to food and refused any of the meals I've offered to cook them and have just ordered themselves takeaways to eat in dd's bedroom even though I asked them to eat it downstairs. Whenever I have tried to talk to them they've been blunt and rude, when my kids have tried to speak to them they have been rude to them, they swore at my 4 year old because he was annoying them. When physically fighting with each other in front of 3 year they accidentally pushed her over onto the bench and cut her lip.

They went out last night and came back at 11pm with alcohol and several friends , who we didn't let. It would take to long to list all the things they've done wrong but they've just been a nightmare. So when they got up today at half two I told them to go home, they started to apologise but quickly started getting really angry and stormed out without most of their stuff. I'm not planning on letting them back in here but friend has said to please let them back, that I can't take back my offer and leave them home alone.

I'm not being unreasonable to have kicked them out, am I?
They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

OP posts:
omgimhavingababy · 07/08/2018 16:52

Not your kids so definitely not your responsibility...do not let them back in and show the mother photos to explain why. She needs to come back from holiday early...

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 16:52

They're not small kids and will hopefully fine, although they probably will trash friends house which I do feel bad about.

Then she shouldn't have left them alone. Not your problem.

upsideup · 07/08/2018 16:53

Friend has apologised for their behaviour and said when she gets back she will pay for anything that needs to be replaced if I let them come back, theres not really anything that needs to be replaced, everything just needs tidying and cleaning.
Its possible from the way that they stormed off this morning that they won't try and come back tonight anyway.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 07/08/2018 16:55

You must be Mother Theresa to have stood it for so long.

Ariclock · 07/08/2018 16:55

I would take photos of the mess they made if possible, also take a photo of the cut lip. Then text your friend all of the things that you detailed here. Attach photos for evidence Flowers

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/08/2018 16:55

You can always point out to your friend that you haven’t taken back your offer. They didn’t meet their end of the agreement.

Dead right - they have really taken the lend. Cheeky little buggers!

Tbf OP a 14 and a 16 year old shouldn’t really be left home alone for a week whilst parents are on holiday.

Rubbish! At 14 she is legally old enough to look after younger children - so she can certainly look after herself! And the 16 year old can legally get married or join the army and get shot at, so staying at home for (less than, now) a week shouldn't be a problem.

RoseWhiteTips · 07/08/2018 16:56

You shouldn’t be in this position, OP. Your friend should take responsibility for them and feel so mortified she intends to return as soon as possible. She is taking advantage of you.

Ariclock · 07/08/2018 16:56

Just seen your update sorry. Stand firm and don't let them back if they appear tonight. You've been more than patient.

toolonglurking · 07/08/2018 16:56

Shocking behaviour! I think you ought to add a deep clean from a professional company to the bill if you let them back in.

Whocansay · 07/08/2018 16:57

No way. They have no respect for you, your family or your home.

This is not your problem. Your 'friend' should not have left them alone and should never have put you in this position. They clearly cannot be trusted and she knows that.

HelpmeobiMN · 07/08/2018 16:58

YANBU at all, absolute horrors. If their parents can't accept them being home alone they will have to return from their holiday - it's not your responsibility to mind them. They're ungrateful little toerags and this will hopefully be a bit of a lesson to them. If I were their mother I would read them the riot act and force them to apologise to you and pay for the damage to the carpet etc.

endofthelinefinally · 07/08/2018 16:58

14 used to be the school leaving age and 16 is old enough to get married.
These teenagers sound absolutely dreadful and I guess your friend knew how bad they are. She should not have gone on holiday and palmed them off on you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/08/2018 16:58

And friend should pay for all the damage anyway - whether you let them back in or not.

And nothing - NOTHING - can pay you for the cheek and disrespect, or the upset and physical injury they have caused your children. The last thing alone would harden my heart.

Anxious kids aren't lips and disrespectful.

dinosaurkisses · 07/08/2018 16:59

Is your friend promising to pay for replacements/repairs on condition that you let them back in?

Because she should be paying for that regardless, it’s not a bargaining chip so she doesn’t have to find appropriate alternative care for her own children.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/08/2018 17:00

*lippy, not lips - sorry about that

Peanutbuttercups21 · 07/08/2018 17:01

Your friend will need to get an emergency flight home!

You have been used.

And now you know why the parents went on holiday without them!

longwayoff · 07/08/2018 17:02

A friend would return or make other arrangements whilst offering you profuse apologies. Shes not a friend and has feral children. Perfectly right to send them home, let them trash their own house.

LeftRightCentre · 07/08/2018 17:02

Friend has apologised for their behaviour and said when she gets back she will pay for anything that needs to be replaced if I let them come back, theres not really anything that needs to be replaced, everything just needs tidying and cleaning.
Its possible from the way that they stormed off this morning that they won't try and come back tonight anyway.

Do NOT let them back in. FUCK 'it's possible they won't come back', they could have seriously injured your child, or worse. And she has the bloody cheek to tell you she'll only pay if you let her feral kids back into your house? Grow a pair. 'They are not welcome in my home. They injured my child, trashed our property, tried to bring alcohol onto our property, were disrespectful and rude. I am under no obligation to put up with that behaviour. You need to make other arrangements. If they turn up here, I will not let them in.' And then do it. Your family is more important than this so-called friend and her ill-behaved kids.

dinosaurkisses · 07/08/2018 17:02

My parents left my twin sister and I at home for the first time for a few nights when we were 14, in the mid 00’s.

We didn’t have any parties, did our own washing, went to school as normal and kept the place tidy. I don’t think we were unusually mature or responsible either, so I don’t get why so many posters have such low expectations for 14 year olds.

Fevs · 07/08/2018 17:03

You have been MORE than fair so far.
You were doing them a favour and they have completely and utterly taken the piss and shown NO respect.

If I was you I would say to your friend that given the circumstances they won’t be able to come back unfortunately however you still expect for her to cover the cleaning bill.

daisyboooo · 07/08/2018 17:04

And you kind of 'have an idea' of how well/not so well behaved your kids are.... the parents probably knew something like this would happen & just probably tried their luck really.

Batmanwearspants · 07/08/2018 17:09

The NSPCC and the government both advise that under 16s shouldn’t be left home alone over night. So posters can say ‘rubbish’ all you like but I personally believe it’s far too young.

cchristie1936 · 07/08/2018 17:10

Your friend needs to come back and take charge of her lovely offspring. You can see why she left them behind.

jarhead123 · 07/08/2018 17:10

Thats awful! YANBU to kick them out, you did well to have them stay for so long!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/08/2018 17:11

Why is your friend leaving them alone in the first place? Where is she? Off with a new BF? She should at least be rushing back at speed to sort this out.

It may be that they've learnt this behaviour from her. But they sound truly obnoxious.