Who was being UR re camping behaviour?

[ijustneedagoodnightssleep]

Currently camping in France. One of the things I love about French campsites is that they are usually lovely and quiet after 11pm.

A couple of nights ago, I got back to my pitch with DH and DD (6) at about 11.30, after some stargazing, then teeth cleaned etc. As we approached it, new people were arriving at the pitch next door. I admit my heart sank, as it meant some noise for a while as they got themselves to a point where they could go to bed (they had a large caravan, we're in a tent).
It was obvious that we were heading to bed to sleep.

They sent their three kids to play in the playground directly across from our pitches (no instructions to play quietly and their smallest had a very loud voice), then proceeded to bang, beep, rustle and talk for well over an hour)

At 12am, my DD (not encouraged by me!) shouted "shut up!"

She couldn't get to sleep and kept complaining to me about the noise. At 12.45am, after my DD had complained to me again, and they started rustling (what turned out to be a large tent) literally right outside the back of my tent, I said loudly "are you going to be much longer as it's nearly 1am and you've been doing this for long time now". They went quiet after that, thank god!

The next day, the woman approached DH, said sorry they'ed been loud, had been delayed etc BUT we needed to tell DD of for being rude, as apparently she'd approached them earlier and told them off for being noisy!!!!

When we asked DD what happened, she said that she'd gone up to the dad in the playground and said "you were very noisy last night", he'd replied "that was a very grown up thing to say".

So, should we have told DD off? Should I be more understanding? Or should they at least have had the courtesy to approach us when they got here to apologise about the inevitable noise, and try and keep it to a minimum?

Yes, I just can't quite believe it. I guess you're setting a fine example on rudeness so wouldn't bat an eyelid if your kid told their teacher to shut up.

They were just setting up obviously delayed. What would you expect them to do? Sleep in the car to avoid disturbing you?
Yes I think you should have a word with your daughter about the way she speaks to adults

So your child is sat reading or whatever and two teachers are talking in the corridor outside, so child shouts “shut up” and then finds the teachers later on to tell them they were being noisy, and you wouldn’t expect any consequences?

Wel, no, because those things are clearly not comparable.

In what scenario would you ever think it ok for a child to speak like that to their teacher.

Because I cannot think of any.

So at 6 it's ok because she's 6?
At 7/8 accepted as maybe slightly delayed?
9/10/11/12 not ok! Then 13-17 it's teen hormones and asserting authority and at 18 it's ok because is adult to adult?

At the end of the day they were noisy and if it's acceptable to tell the adults their behaviour was disturbing others peace I don't think you should put an age on when it's ok.

In this day and age we are trying to teach children NOT to allow adults to make them feel uncomfortable. The tactful way of dating it WILL develop with age!

Wel, no, because those things are clearly not comparable

Which bit is not comparable?

I would have an issue with my child shouting shut up at anyone. If she'd shouted please be quiet then no issue!

I wouldn't be bothered about the incident the following day.

I think the reason they said that it was a very adult thing to say was because they knew full we’ll she would only have mentioned it if you and your dh had been harping on about it in front of her all morning.

I think op if you read this thread you will see there are a small number of people who would also shout shut up and who think it's ok for a child to do it.

The question is do you wish your child to grow up to be an adult who thinks this is ok and behaves like this? Who thinks it's ok to shout at strangers, to shout shut up at their teachers if they perceive them to be rude?

Because all I can think is the adults who think it's ok, were never told as children what is and isn't appropriate behaviour.

Why is it for just the adults to discuss? Don't kids get a say?

She didn't tell them to shut up; she just pointed out that they were noisy. Which they were.

All this shit on here about how it was rude for her, a child, to speak to him, an adult, "like that" is fucking ridiculous.

We're adults, not gods.

I don't think your daughter was being unreasonable in saying what she said. If the family concerned can't be bothered to tell their own kids to be quiet so as not to disturb others (especially at that time of night) then why should they expect someone else's kids to keep their thoughts to themselves on the matter? Also, you have told them off for being noisy at that time and rightly so. They are the ones with the lack of consideration - not you and not your daughter (IMO).

I don’t think your daughter was rude, actually. She merely stated the truth about their behaviour. They should suck it up.

What was the rudeness? They were loud and she said do. I’m with your DD all the way. Good for her!

Why shouldn’t children be sble to say something when adults are foing the wrong thing?! That is completely the wrong message.

I fail to understand how some posters on here think it is acceptable for a child to tell a grown up off?

I don't think she was rude. You wouldn't have let her run off to make a noise in the playground at such a late hour. Your DD was right to tell them to shut up. They were disturbing her sleep. They were being rude not your DD.

But why shouldn’t they be allowed to do that, if adults are doing the wrong thing? The OP’s DD was standing up for herself, becausr they disrupted her sleep which is important for a small child. I don’t see the wrongdoing (not being goady, I just don’t get it).

1. your daughter was rude to shout “shut up”
2. although she was right that your neighbours were noisy it is not appropriate for a six year old to approach an adult to chastise them for behaviour
3. your neighbours did apologise for the noise

Rather than “telling her off” you should teach her how to deal with situations more appropriately and that sometimes it is best to let adults handle such issues.

Your daughter was not rude, she was honest

In fact isn’t this partly a safety thing- bear with me... Telling children not to stand up to adults teaches children that they are unimportant and that adults are always right. I wouldn’t want my child to accept certain behaviour or be submissive simply because an adult is the cause of the problem. I’d want my child to be empowered to say ‘no’ when something is wrong.

Your daughter was not rude, she was honest

If she called someone overweight, fat would that be being honest too?

I don't agree that your DD was rude in fact I think she was great - the people setting up maybe they didn't mean to be a nuisance, wasn't there fault etc., but your DD didn't say that, she said they were noisy!! I think the other people were rude to bring it up with you!!

But - it might have backfired, they could have been aggressive etc., so because of this, and ONLY because of this, I'd agree with Strongmummy above about telling her its best to let adults handle stuff like that etc.

Once again to me this is along the lines of females being taught not to say anything and be quiet and accept their lot etc., good for her standing up for herself.

The two aren't compatible. Telling someone that their inconsiderate behaviour upset them is very different to telling someone they are fat. Obviously.

GreatDuck

No one was called fat and that hypothetical scenario is not analogous here. Nice try though

If she called someone overweight, fat would that be being honest too? - no that would be unkind and uncalled for. Its completely different and you know it, entirely disingenuous to compare giving out insults to saying "you were noisy"!