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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

207 replies

m4rdybum · 06/08/2018 19:04

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 06/08/2018 19:07

Depends on the children really. I know a lot of people who can’t sit and eat breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes. Luckily I have very placid easy kids so my life hasn’t really changed that much.

DresswithFlamingoes · 06/08/2018 19:08

It’s annoying! And then once your baby is born, you get “you won’t be able to do that when you have two” !

SassitudeandSparkle · 06/08/2018 19:09

People say this as conversation though, not a criticism! Especially if they have children themselves, they know how much it changed things for them.

Barbie222 · 06/08/2018 19:09

People like to vent and they like to be smug. Practice your tinkly laugh because sadly there's always more of it coming along no matter how old your children get!

Cherubfish · 06/08/2018 19:12

I do get what you mean OP.

But, a lot of women find motherhood quite a shock and say things like "why doesn't anyone talk about how hard it is? No one warned me - I thought it was just me finding it so hard".

But when mothers do try to be honest we don't want to hear it! It's a no win situation.

LeighaJ · 06/08/2018 19:13

I think some people just like the sound of their own smug voice.

I never understood the obnoxious "Sleep now while you can." comments. I slept like shit through my entire pregnancy.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 06/08/2018 19:13

Well, sometimes your plans to watch tv in the mornings may be scuppered, sometimes not. There's easy times and hard times. I have four kids ( three very young) and I can't do a lot of what I used to do before, but priorities change and I want to do family things, not go out clubbing every weekend as I used to.
I think the more children you have, the harder it can be to do stuff for yourself, but kids grow up and life goes on, no one wants to be doing the same things forever. And one child I would say was relatively easy to still fit in my " me time".

YouBoggleMyMind · 06/08/2018 19:15

I had this a lot too. DS is now almost 8 months and I still get to do most things! There's only been a couple of occasions where I've not been able to do something but otherwise, things aren't too different! It is a lot to do with what your children are like though. DS spent 7 weeks in hospital from 17 days old so came out in a routine and in a cot so that was already done for us.

elliejjtiny · 06/08/2018 19:19

Yanbu. When I found out ds1 was going to be a boy I got a lot of comments about how I wouldn't be "allowed" to watch casualty anymore because it would clash with the football. I now have 5 boys who have zero interest in football.

Frogsareawesome · 06/08/2018 19:19

What cherubfish said.

Being a parent is hard. Really damn hard. Totally worth it though. Just nod and smile.

Believeitornot · 06/08/2018 19:22

It’s just light hearted chat. No need to read too much into it.

Life will change, things will be hectic. I remember being pleased that I managed to load the dishwasher when my first was born and dh had gone back to work 🤣 second time around I had a toddler in tow and didn’t really know why I couldn’t manage simple tasks (well I do - I was recovering after a pretty draining birth).

Moominfan · 06/08/2018 19:23

It's just chatter not a critique. Standard baby talk.

glintandglide · 06/08/2018 19:23

People lie. You won’t be in a situation where you can never Sit and have breakfast for 10 minutes. It might happen occasionally. Who cares?

Newborns are totally portable and can come along with you. You’ll be on maternity leave and it’ll be great. I spent so much time on long lunches and chilling in coffee shops. Woop!

Just don’t be a martyr about it OP. If they won’t let you go to the loo in peace lock the damn door and ignore them

PalePinkSwan · 06/08/2018 19:23

It’s a clumsy way of letting you know how hard it can be.

Nobody made those kind of comments to me for some reason and life with a reflux-y grumpy baby came as a total shock.

Honestly you are going to get parenting advice from everybody in the world now so just get used to doing a nod and smile, don’t let it get to you.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 06/08/2018 19:25

But, a lot of women find motherhood quite a shock and say things like "why doesn't anyone talk about how hard it is? No one warned me - I thought it was just me finding it so hard". But when mothers do try to be honest we don't want to hear it! It's a no win situation.

Yes, I think this is it.

Fi1982 · 06/08/2018 19:26

I do it because I had a genuine shock at how all-consuming motherhood is, and that shock combined with the relentless grind and sleep deprivation caused me to suffer PND. I don’t ever have 10 minutes to watch telly and eat breakfast, because my child, like many other very young children, is usually up by 6am and screaming for her food/attention. My husband is either away or getting ready for work, so he can’t help, and he’s a great father and team-mate, so I probably get more help than a lot of new mothers. I’ve done a few days back at work and again am shocked at how hard it is juggling both roles, for various reasons.

I really wish I had been better prepared, and have felt it a shame that other mums I know didn’t confide in me. Nor did the classes I attended prepare me adequately. Maybe I’m just a weakling who can’t cope, who knows! But I do tell close friends how hard it is, just in case it helps one of them prepare themselves and avoid the cold slap of reality when it hits.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and baby Smile

GreenMeerkat · 06/08/2018 19:26

I sit and have breakfast and watch tv for 10 mind every morning (when not in work). I have a 3 and 4 year old and pregnant with #3

People talk shit, they have no idea so just ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy.

huha · 06/08/2018 19:27

YANBU.

I was told to say goodbye to perky breasts, that they will sag to my knees. They are now too small to sag anywhere.

I was told to say goodbye to Long hot baths. Still have one once a week at least!

I was told to say goodbye to lie ins and duvet days. Still have lie ins thanks to DH being an early bird and training my kids from babies to sleep in. Also trained them to love duvet days as much as I do!!

flumpybear · 06/08/2018 19:28

Wow you've got some odd friends! Yes it's different, challenging, can be more money, not loads but some, you're going to be the person who your baby depends on so you come as a team - but hey, that's what you sign up to - tell them to grow up and crack in with their selfish / solipsistic lifestyle, you've chosen this and happy to be in the middle of it - it has its own fun and far more return - these little babies and children are so amazing and being a whole new angle to your world - enjoy that and ignore the rubbish friends

DiegoMadonna · 06/08/2018 19:29

It's just small talk. I wouldn't let it bother you so much.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/08/2018 19:29

I don't think it's coming from a bad place. It's just one of those things people say. It is true - some mothers will find once baby is here that 10mins to even make a cup of tea let alone drink it whilst still hot is akin to asking for the moon on a stick. For some motherhood comes as such a shock it's almost as though had they known the true cost / sacrifice they'd have personally stitched their uteri shut.

topcat2014 · 06/08/2018 19:30

My DD is 11, and we are part way through the adoption process.

Yes, life changes, but isn't that part of the fun?

Good luck

Sparklingbrook · 06/08/2018 19:30

There's loads of stuff you wouldn't want to do once you have a new baby anyway and you don't care about it!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 06/08/2018 19:31

Just don’t be a martyr about it OP. If they won’t let you go to the loo in peace lock the damn door and ignore them

This, all of this! I have never had to have an audience whilst pooping, not once in 12 years of parenting. You absolutely can go to the bathroom solo if you choose to and you can shower and you can drink a cup of tea in peace and do all the things you enjoy.

Cats, on the other hand, cannot be trained and I've had several feline audiences whilst pooping over the years. But I'm alright with that because they won't go to school and shout "I saw Mummy taking a massive poo last night" like one of the children in my NQT class did.

flumpybear · 06/08/2018 19:31

Re above somebody told me, because of bf, my nipples would look like balloon knots Shock shit head! His now ex wife has droopy boobs (her words .... she's my bff! ... yes so do I but nipples and boobs doing fine considering I bf and she didn't! 🖕