To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

[m4rdybum]

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

Just have the child first before talking about the experience.

@ethelfleda you sound like my kinda person 👍

You know what.. I was EXACTLY the same in my pregnancy. I have a 3 week old DD now and I know just what everyone was going on about now - today I ate my breakfast at 11am (DD's first feed was 7.30) and I got halfway through before I had to leave it and tend to her. I get nothing done, ever - it will get better though (I hope).

But it is really, really annoying. Just smile through clenched teeth.

That all being said, it's the best thing in the world and I don't know what I did without her.

YANBU. After years of disappointment, it was very annoying to have people say "Go to the cinema! You won't be able to once the baby arrives!" I felt like saying we've had X years to go to the bloody cinema and would gladly have given it up forever if it meant we could start a family!

Yes!!!! Also...if you think that's bad, wait until X happens!
Bad morning sickness? Wait until your 39 weeks gone!
39 weeks gone? Just you wait til you get no sleep!
Think it's bad now? Wait until they're teenagers!
I feel like I spend my whole life waiting for something!

@lifechangesforever

I know they are all different, but I bet it does get better soon! Mine is four months now and gradually we noticed we could start to leave her for small periods somewhere safe and in view and she would entertain herself. The first half hour or so after she wakes up in the morning she is happiest and so I always get to eat my breakfast in full now!

She has a Jumperoo now too and I use it specifically for meal times - also get to have a proper lunch most days and dinner if she’s not in bed already 😊

I remember well the days of repeated breakfast attempts, 50 times reheated lunches and eating dinner in shifts!

They probably just trot out the cliches for something to say, a bit like the British always discuss the weather. It's in the same category as do you want a boy or a girl, are you disappointed that it's another boy/girl etc. I wouldn't give it a second thought. You are ready for a baby and will cope with the highs and lows. I wish you joy.

YANBU. After years of disappointment, it was very annoying to have people say "Go to the cinema! You won't be able to once the baby arrives!"  I felt like saying we've had X years to go to the bloody cinema and would gladly have given it up forever if it meant we could start a family!

This a million times over! I know it will be hard but I don't care, I am just happy I am now finally pregnant. She can scream and keep me awake all she wants once she is here, I will still love her 100% and not have any regrets!

@sparkling123 In all seriousness, please don't put yourself under that kind of pressure. It took me a long time to conceive and we miscarried on the way, and I felt exactly the same was as you do when I was pregnant - that I would never complain because I was so grateful to finally be given this amazing thing. That pressure led to immense guilt whenever I struggled with a newborn - which I did, and which everyone does! - and that guilt was one of the triggers for my PND. Just remember that no matter how wanted and longed for your baby is, some bits WILL be horrendous and it's okay to hate those bits and even resent your baby at times. It doesn't mean you don't love, want or deserve her. Don't pressure yourself to enjoy every moment. Those awful parts are just as much motherhood as the lovely, cuddly, adoring parts.

This a million times over! I know it will be hard but I don't care, I am just happy I am now finally pregnant. She can scream and keep me awake all she wants once she is here, I will still love her 100% and not have any regrets!

Yeah I tried to get pregnant for eight years. Multiple losses.

I love my son beyond anything I thought possible but I never dreamed parenthood would be like it is.

Infertility is irrelevant. Totally irrelevant. If anything I think it makes it worse as what you've dreamed about for so many years never measures up.

I actually think it's a little unfair to try and piss on your bonfire in that way. Being pregnant can be such a wonderful time (for some - I know not all) it's a very exciting time - looking forward to meeting your baby and looking forward to the future... why would anyone go out of their way to take that away from you? Why can't you spend your pregnancy feeling elated and happy and excited for the future? The annoying this is, everyone is telling you you're going to have a hard time but it may not be!! You sound to me like you're under no illusions so block out all of the crap people say and enjoy this part. Don't waste it dreading the next part!

Nobody can predict how it's going to be for you, OP. And I really believe that state of mind has a huge influence on how you take these things too. IMO, it's much better to focus on the positives and look on the bright side.

Haven't read the whole thread but this used to annoy me too.
For me, it was rubbish. Our lives changed a lot but we were already past the party animal stage. The only thing we have to plan more (like months in advance!) are babysitters if we do decide to go out.
Things are less impromptu but we still do most of things we used to do with a lot more added in!
This said, DD was/is very accommodating... We are expecting no.2 any day now so I could be about to eat my words!!

If anything I think it makes it worse as what you've dreamed about for so many years never measures up.

I have wondered this. I was lucky to conceive easily but as someone who still struggles with adjusting to motherhood, I often wondered if having suffered infertility would make it easier or harder if you had the same issue.

@AynRand

No I am not an amnesiac, just honest. An average newborn is not endless hard work, they generally sleep a huge amount.

A 3 year old on the other hand.......

@peachgreen sorry to hear about your pnd, thank you for the advice too, I maybe came across not really how I meant it. I don't think I will put too much pressure on myself, my point was it is a little poor taste for people (my own mum here) to instantly tell you how hard it will be when they know you've had losses, so that's what I was trying to say really.

I found it incredibly annoying.

Their experience will not be exactly the same as yours.

Nobody can predict how it's going to be for you, OP. And I really believe that state of mind has a huge influence on how you take these things too. IMO, it's much better to focus on the positives and look on the bright side.

Exactly! Like maternity leave - a WHOLE YEAR where you don't have to go to a place of business and knacker yourself blue every day. I haven't had any time over 2 weeks out of full time work in about 8 years -I can't fecking wait! I love my job and obviously domestic work/child rearing is still work but as I get closer and closer to my final work date am hearing louder and louder in my head 'no more emails for me, no more emails for me, muahahahahaa I'm going to go watch daytime tv and have naps and play with my cats and my new baby'

I mean it's clearly going to be teeth grindingly awful initially. But it's also going to be GREAT.

It will.be great panda. I bloody loved my year off. It was a real struggle, and at times I thought "what have I done?", but it was the best year of my life!

I'm still waiting for the "never sleeping again" part.

For the first 6 weeks she was awake every 4 hours for her bottle. Then after 6 weeks it was 5/6 hours.

That's more sleep than I got when I was working full time before she came. Now I can get 12hrs if I wanted.

Same grandtheftwalrus, for me baby wakes up 1-2 times per night so I can easily get 7 hours. That's way more than I used to get working shift work, when I'd finish work at midnight and have to be back the next morning at 8am, with a one hour commute each way. Or work the night shift, that would be literally no sleep at all. Or during pregnancy, when I couldn't sleep at all due to insomnia and still was working the shifts I just described. What a nightmare. Waking up once for a quick feed is like heaven in comparison.

I agree Thursday waking to feed a newborn is a walk in the park compared to shift work.

Ahahahahahahahaha “waking to feed a newborn is a walk in the park compared to shift work”. No. I’ve done both and no. For you, perhaps it may well be true, but for a lot of women this is simply not true. I have had no longer than 1 hour stretches of sleep for the last 6 months. Often those stretches are very short power naps. And then I have to spend all day keeping said sleep thief alive successfully all day. Generalising that all newborns sleep a lot and it’s a walk in the park is probably just as annoying as those women who tell you you’ll never sleep again. Not all babies sleep well just like not all babies are horrendous sleepers!

I agree with @peachgreen (waves from MC thread!!). I was so delighted (terrified) to be pregnant that I put so much pressure on myself the enjoy it. I knew that it was everything I had ever wanted, triedfor and lost, so consequently felt completely incompetent when I was sat there in floods of tears because I was just not enjoying it. I too thought I was prepared. I definitely wasn’t! It’s not all bad, but there are definitely bloody horrible bits of it.

@NoParticularPattern Hello! We really need a "parenting after TTC after MC" thread! It is really tough and I hate seeing other women put themselves under the same pressure I did to CHERISH EVERY MOMENT because actually, a good 40% of the moments are just plain hard slog and a further 10% are grindingly awful. But that's okay! That's motherhood!

Exactly noparticularpattern, it's different for everyone. So why can't people say "this is how is was for me..." or "all babies are different". No, they say "hahahahahahaha you're fucked you're fucked!". Which to me is pointless and cruel. Not to mention hypocritical if they have multiple dc themselves.