To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

[m4rdybum]

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

KO Knausgaard is so outraged by how awful and humiliating it all is. I felt exactly like that.
Rachel Cusk 'A Life's Work' is good for fellow feeling when in the depths of it, although anyone reading it with a dinner party baby / with no baby as yet will not get it.

Just ignore them OP

Except the ones who tell you to get a really good haircut as close to your due date as possible. Don't ignore those ones.

Eat breakfast with your child problem solved for that one. The only thing you'll really miss is sleep and that's not for forever. People seem to love trying to scare pregnant ladies about what motherhood will be like. You'll be fine and won't have to wave goodbye to anything as you can still do most things maybe just not as frequently

I don't know why people have to be so negative. Ignore them.

You'll gain so much love and joy too OP

You can still do most things, it’s just all very different.

I miss pub lunches on a weekend afternoon. We could still go, but it’s not relaxing when trying to placate the baby/toddler the whole time.

You won’t possibly know how life changing having a baby is until they’re here, and it’s bloody brilliant.

“Children ruin your life, but in the best way possible”.

Good luck OP x

I have no issue with people talking to me about their experiences - I’m 22 weeks with our first and have had lots of v useful conversations with friends and family about birth and parenting - eg what they struggled with or found particularly hard, giving useful advice about what stuff to buy or choices we will have to make, etc.

That’s not what OP is talking about though - of course it goes without saying that no one really knows what they’re letting themselves in for but there are ways of offering g advice and setting realistic expectations without being a smug arsehole.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

Two baby bouncers. One up stairs, one down.
One other thing. If anybody says, "I have to sleep, I have work in the morning," I am almost certain it is legal to kick them in the crotch and burn their dinner for a week.

...and you can shower and you can drink a cup of tea in peace and do all the things you enjoy.

Huh. Nobody told my twins. I haven’t had a hot beverage that’s actually hot in nearly two years, and showers were mainly replaced by wet wipes for the first six months.

And you know what? They’re worth every cold coffee and greasy hair day. I took my boys paddling in the sea for the first time today and they literally jumped up and down and squealed with excitement.

Some things are better than breakfast in peace... but no, I don’t remember what that’s like 😂

Ugh I had this loads too. Especially from SIL who actually has no children.

I had several miscarriages before DS and so we were keeping it quiet until about 16 weeks. We obviously really wanted a baby and after she went on with "You won't be able to sleep in after seven soon." "Say goodbye to having a tidy house" "You'll miss being able to go out for meals won't you?" I cracked and told her I honestly didn't give a shit about any of that and that after wanting this baby for so long I would happily wake up at 5 every morning, live in a mess of toys and not eat at a restaurant for the next 18 years which shut her up.

DH and I went out to see a film a few days later and DH put a status on Facebook and she commented on it saying "You won't be able to just go the cinema when you know who arrives. Say goodbye to watching a film that isn't Disney!"

So then people guessed I was pregnant and DH went mad because we were waiting and it wasn't her news to share.

I told her I was surprised people cracked her code and assumed all our idiot friends would think Voldermort was coming to stay.

Are you in Ireland/ Scotland by any chance? It seems to be a fond rite of passage in my culture to lightly rib new parents about what they're letting themselves in for, and not meant badly at all.
Obviously there will be some parts of your 'old' life that will go on pause, or even disappear, and during some of the tougher toddler moments you may wonder whether keeping tarantulas might have been a safer and more rewarding experience- but on the whole it's just fine because as humans WE ADAPT all the time!
Enjoy your dc when he or she arrives and just smile and nod at the well meaning 'advice'- you'll possibly find yourself dishing it out one day (< looks at feet, as I've definitely not caught myself doing this >)

Annoys me too, OP!
People are really quick to be negative or make a quip that's of a negative connotation and try to pass it off as humour. I just find it annoying.
By my third (now 12 weeks old) I just either ignored those comments or cane back at them with a quick retort 😂

Every DC is different and they go through different phases. DS1 was a placid portable baby which allowed our social life to wind down gently through pregnancy and the first year. Life was most restricted at 18m to 3yrs which fortunately coincided with pregnancy babyhood for DS2.

Sleep wasn't perfect but within tolerable levels and having a newborn that indulged us with 2-3 hour blocks of sleep was bliss compared to the evil combination of SPD and carpal tunnel syndrome that meant every hour I had to wake to reactivate a dead arm through pins and needles and painfully, manually heave my gigantuan body over before repeating the next hour. Some of the hardest parts of the earliest days were about my health/ recovery rather than baby.

I still had showers/ hot food etc because I valued self care. Yes. I had babies that would give me some look in to get in the shower, make some food etc, but they aren't going to come to harm if they have to wait a minute or two for a clean/ fed mother to come to them. You can't give them your best if you negelect yourself.

Socially life has changed because of the logistics of friends' families too. Ours are more portable and flexible than other DCs/ parents we know.

Every phase will have some difficulties and its own joys, and different phases suit different children and parents. DS1 was a happy baby but hated being a toddler. DS2 loves life but lived toddlerhood at an exhausting pace. He'll probably make me pay in his teenage years

Probably won't be a popular opinion on here but I find the "your life is over" smug bollocks well just that a load of bollocks . Very over dramatic attitude to parenting I find these days .

I was a single mum from day one ( not intentionally - cheating ex!!)

Iv done far more with my life in the years since becoming a mum than I did prior to that. Yes much less alcohol , but a hell of a lot more
Worthwhile stuff !!

Well they're not being smug are they, because smug would be 'your life will hardly change at all, little Tamara just slotted effortlessly into our lives, we hardly noticed her'

By saying it's hard they're admitting that they found it hard. It's a way of trying to prepare you. They don't know it's the 90th time you've heard it. If you go on to handle motherhood brilliantly well then good for you, you didn't need any warnings. But if at any time you struggle you might just remember that your friend/colleague/stranger in Tesco struggled too.

They're also telling you to enjoy your last child-free weeks. Don't wish them away, savour every moment.

And then there's also the possibility that they don't give a shit that you've managed to procreate, and are just making small talk because they think it's expected.

Yea life will change. But i’d bloody hope my life changed evey few years anyway. Also I never had a problem having a shower or getting a cup of tea with a newborn. They don’t move. They can lay in the moses basket or bouncer and they won’t go anywhere! I never found it easier to do my hair and makeup than the first six months 😂 I still do everything I did before I had DS. Ok sometimes less frequently and often chasing a 20 month old around but life changes and my ds makes life much better than it ever was!

I don't make these comments. But I do feel like I should tell pregnant women.

My 6 year old still doesn't sleep through the night (SN) and I rarely have much of an evening as most of it is spent putting her to bed. I am dog tired, exhausted. I go to the cinema once a year. I can't really remember the last time I did something I really wanted to do, that didn't involve great thinking and consideration of kids etc

I love the bones of them, but it is so hard, unrelenting and not as rewarding as you might imagine.

I heard all the horror stories before I gave birth. Babies waking up at 5am, not being able to eat or have a shower, etc. My baby sleeps until 9-10am then lies happily on his musical playmat for half an hour while I have breakfast and read the news on my iPad. And he lies on his changing mat and watches me shower. By the time he was four weeks old I was having lunch in cafes while he slept in his pram. Yes in the early days I often had to eat while holding him, but by 5-6 months he was quite happy to sit in his activity centre and let me eat every single meal in peace.

I admit that (for the first year or so) you can’t go out in the evenings or go to places like the pub or cinema. But it’s temporary and you do other things instead. I regularly eat out, just slightly earlier than before. Baby comes along and sits in a high chair. And I do lots of other cool stuff that I wouldn’t be able to do at all if I didn’t have a child, like playing in the park etc. Don’t listen to the doom sayers!

'it's mostly rubbish that you lose so much freedom when you have a baby, it's when you have a toddler that the real trouble starts!'

People come out with this type of thing too - they always think the stage of childhood their own child is at is the worst. People have short memories! My baby is becoming a toddler and it's such a relief to be able to leave him playing for a minute while I make a cup of tea and not have to panic about him dying every time he rolls over in the cot or screaming the house down because he's decided he wants milk NOW and it takes the perfect prep 2 minutes to make the bottle.

Anyway you are being a bit precious but you're a new Mum and it's all nice and normal. Parenthood is one of those things you think you're prepared for but nothing prepares you for it til you've gone through it. Even that doesn't really prepare you because every child is different.

Good luck with your new baby. My unsolicited advice is that they go through periods where they are fucking mental for about a month but try to stay calm because one morning they'll wake up and smile at you and be twice as charming as they were before they became a terrible clingy little stranger for no reason.

I never understood the obnoxious "Sleep now while you can." comments. I slept like shit through my entire pregnancy.

Me too. I slept SO MUCH BETTER when my baby arrived than when I was 2 weeks overdue, permanently needing a wee and just utterly uncomfy last summer.

Also, I was shocked at how fulfilling and lovely I found motherhood after all the doom comments and couldn’t believe nobody had really talked about how much utter, transcendent joy was involved.

Good luck with your pregnancy OP.

I don't mind the advice, it's the barely concealed glee/smugness that I hate.

You never know what your baby will be like.

And welshsoph I wish my DH was in a fortnightly meeting band, because I love when he goes out and I can have the house to myself and baby. Of course I love spending time with him and as a family but also it's nice to have time apart. So your DH friends are crazy, you guys have the right idea IMO.