To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

[m4rdybum]

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

The first few weeks are 100% baby, cold cups of tea you didn't drink because you couldn't reach it and just the whole routine of feed, wind, change. settle x 6 -8 times can take most of the day etc. But it calms down. You will be able to most things especially if you have good support from partner and family. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy and baby and ignore the doom mongerers!

Well back in the olden days I watched loads of Richard and Judy when ds was little!!

I think some of it could be because people genuinely wish that they had appreciated certain aspects of their pre-children lifestyle more as it is amazing how important things like sleep etc can become. I do agree with PPs though who have said that it's dependent on the child's temperament and also how many children you have. Some people have babies and manage to retain much of their previous lifestyle, but many are shocked about how quickly and radically it can change and just how long it can take to get certain aspects back such as a decent night's sleep. You might be able to tell from the above that my DC are definitely not good sleepers and it's hard for me to not raise it when I meet expectant parents as I still wish I cherished and enjoyed those lie ins a bit more that I took for granted before kids arrived.

So yes, these people may sound negative and patronising but they are probably coming from a sincere place and genuinely want you to make the most of your pre-children days.

Yes, I never saw going to the loo as something that needed an audience so they managed to never see me do that.

Yep. TBF I was very naive about how hard having a baby would be but everyone child is different so it's impossible to be totally prepared.

Once your baby is here wait for ooh just you wait until he/she's walking/talking/a teenager 🙄

I hated this when pregnant!!! Especially as we had gone through a terrible time getting pregnant with miscarriages and fertility treatment and then people would make jokes about how we would soon be wishing we had changed our mind when we didn't get any sleep. Unbelievably insensitive!!!

My baby is 3 months old, and I wish more people had said "it is a shock to the system at first but it changes constantly and no stage will last forever (although it may feel like it at the time)"

All my friends said 'why did no-one tell us it would be like This?' And if anyone tries to prepare them they react as you have. It's really difficult.

Just ignore them op.

Don't give them headspace during your mumsnetting time. Just relax and enjoy it because you won't have time to mn in peace soon 😁

It's mostly one of two things, they don't want to felt like the only ones that aren't coping or failing (and they view a manic morning - or whatever they say - as not coping or failing)

Or they didn't realise that a baby would change their life (either at all, or as much) and are still reeling in the shock it did. They just assume everyone is the same in not realising.

There might well be something from the, very long list, of horrors people like to tell you about that'll happen to you (and happen frequently, sometimes or occasionally).

Life is changeable and people variable. The more people you add to your life the more variety and change comes too.

On the contrary OP you will soon be mumsnetting all night whilst your baby feeds

I get it's coming a good place (from most). Think I just needed a vent

Ignore OP, every baby is different.

I get what you mean op, over never understood the whole "you'll never finish a drink again" or "you won't have time to shower"...it's utter rubbish, I have 2 under 2 and I have never missed a single shower.

Like some have said it does depend on your baby, but you find ways to adjust so you can still do these everyday tasks.

I think some people can just be a bit of a drama lama.

Sorry, but they're right. I thought they were talking shit too and found it very annoying at the time...

But they're right.

It's just a saying for many.

Lots of things do change, some don't. Depends on you and your partner. On MN you do see quite a lot of spouses expecting their OHs to give up everything as there's now a baby so it's not just strangers and family that peddle the myth.

You will be able to eat breakfast watching t.v. However instead of Ruth and Eamon it will be Peppa and George

I wish someone had said this to me when I was pregnant with my first baby, it might have made me prepare mentally a bit. I had to say goodbye to everything except breastfeeding, nappy changing and crying (both me & baby) for a considerable period of time. It was a massive shock.

It all changes depending on the age of the child. When DS was tiny I remember DH coming home from work and finding a piece of cold toast in the toaster - he asked why it was there and I hadn’t managed to eat it for breakfast, or have lunch or a drink... the second I put DS down he cried - I did have a shower though as the water drowned the noise out a bit and it was my non-negotiable. However, that was a bad day, on a good day I could easily manage toast and a juice and far more than 10 mins in front of the TV. These days I’m back at work full time and DS is a toddler, we all eat toast in the car on the way to work/nursery but at the weekend we all have breakfast together and DS will snuggle on your lap for 10 minutes and watch TV.
Everything has changed though - there are very few things I can’t do at all with a supportive DH and a helpful babysitter but they all take infinitely more planning and logistics. Plus both of you can’t do something at the same time - say you have a piece of flat pack furniture to build, previously two of you would have done it, all very efficient- now one of you had to watch the crawling baby/toddler to make sure they aren’t putting screws in their mouth/hammering their fingers/trashing the rest of the house so the other one does it on their own and it takes more than twice as long! But again, it’s all stages, in a few years time hopefully they’ll be able to safely amuse themselves for a while.

I think if you have a supportive partner and supportive friends you will be fine. It probably helps if you are somebody who is relatively relaxed about the appearance of your home and also relatively relaxed about your own appearance - rather than having an elaborate make-up routine.

What I missed at first was time to read but remember getting through a Margaret Atwood novel while doing lengthy evening breastfeeding. I also expressed milk and had a night out every two or three weeks after my daughter was a couple of months old.

I hated this as well OP. People kept telling me I wouldn't get a hot meal/drink or a shower when the baby was here. Someone bought me those 'mommy milestone' cards with things like 'today I had a wee in peace', 'today I had a hot drink' etc. I found that total rubbish, newborns sleep a lot in the day, and even when DD would only sleep on me in the day she was small enough that I still had a free hand to eat or drink. I do think a big part of it is how much your partner does though, DP did loads which I know made it easier on me. But YANBU, it's mostly rubbish that you lose so much freedom when you have a baby, it's when you have a toddler that the real trouble starts!

It's annoying and patronising, but also true. You have no idea. Sorry!

The biggest problem is that everyone giving you unasked for ‘warnings’ and ‘advice’ thinks they’re the first and only one to do so, whereas in reality you hear the same old shit from countless friends and relatives over and over again, so it gets a bit wearisome. It’s fine if it’s pre-empted or followed by more positive stuff (or asking how you’re doing, etc) but a constant stream of negativity is really demoralising.

People do it about everything unfortunately - I’m currently 22 weeks after 6 years ttc and multiple ivf cycles and I lost count of the number of people who gave us the same tired ‘advice’ about miracle fertility cures, adoption etc - all of them acting as if we’d never heard of adoption or ‘conception vitamins’

I remember picking up my handbags and keys, ready to go. Then I had my son and had to pack a bag, working out every eventuality before leaving the house while looking like a fat, tatty haired mess. Things change!

I think it’s a clumsy attempt at pregnancy related small talk but YANBU because I hated it too. I’m 27 weeks with DC4 and I still get it because my other three are past the age of sleepless nights and screaming fits now so I’m really not used to it. Its never not annoying.

I hate the ‘sleep now while you have the chance’ comment is when you’re up pissing every two seconds and struggle to get comfortable during the last trimester so barely get any bloody sleep! My DGM was terrible for it when I was having DC1, everything I mentioned about post baby life would be met with “oh but you’ll be too busy for that!”, even using cloth nappies .

Truth is, babies sleep a lot. Sometimes I would sit there actually waiting for DC1 to wake up because I was so bored .

I wish people had warned me how hard it would be...