To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

[m4rdybum]

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

I tell teenagers (I'm a teacher) never to have kids until they have had all the sleep they want, all the holidays they want, all the nights out they want, bought themselves all the clothes they want etc etc as once they have a baby there is always someone else to consider. Mind you, I am doing my best to put them off when I say that.

These comments never end... “wait until you have 9 kids, 3 dogs, a herd of goats and a troop of flying monkeys”

Au contraire, my flying monkeys have made my life much easier. Still can't find my shoes though.

BlancheM
I think you were lucky and that it's far more common to find parenthood pretty life-changing and all-consuming, especially in the early days. You only have to look at the hundreds of MN threads a week asking if having children is worth it, if people regret it, what people hate most about having children etc.

I think it really does depend on the temperament and stage of the child, the support you have available and the lifestyle you had before children.

For me, my baby was an utter angel at 4 months. She slept through and was a contented little soul. I remember freaking out and googling because she never cried. At that point, I had a lovely time on mat leave. My house was lovely, I was chilled. Then she changed during the day. She wouldn’t sleep unless on me and was an early crawler, walker etc. It was very full on and that was when we really had the shift into prioritising her. Before that she was laid easy (other than the first month). She is a whirlwind as a toddler now and our weekends do have a central theme of trying to wear her out. But she is very civilised in restaurants and still sleeps amazingly. So, we can go places together and we get free time during naps. I’ve had it pretty easy compared to some friends who had very clingy/needy babies and toddlers. For them, they did have to give up more.

Everyone will have things they prioritise and make happen. For some it will be cleaning, others exercise etc. But most people will have something that they have to give up.

The things that have changed for me are no lie-ins, not being able to progress my career in the same way, having to leave for nursery drop-offs, not being able to go out for dinner as a couple without some major pre-planning, theatre etc. But my life is richer in so many other ways. I’ve made lots of new friends and I’m very happy overall.

That said, I think people that have family close by and therefore babysitters on tap probably have a freer lifestyle than me. I have friends that go out every weekend and have time just to themselves. I won’t have that freedom for years.

AynRandTheObjectivist

Thankfully, you can say goodbye to these comments once the baby's here.

They will be swiftly replaced with other annoying comments, though.

I’ve had three babies who all arrived with their difficulty set at different levels. I never make these comments to people anymore, because now I realise how easy/hard it is depends on the type of baby you get, along with a million other things including amount of family help, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, helpfulness of partner etc.

Good luck op and enjoy!

Apparently I wasn’t going to travel anymore cuz baby was coming. Well he’s got 9 flights purchased in his first year.
Also we’ve trained Him to sleep in noise :) and he sleeps most of the night. I sleep more now than when pregnant.

Unluckily nobody warned me about breakfast as most days it’s a quick snack as little bugger is demanding attention

Unihorn I think everyone has their struggles at some point(s), I don't exactly think parenthood is a breeze. It's the older years I'm finding a challenge!

BlancheM
I'm hoping my two make up for their current devilish selves in their later years!

I'm sure it's night and day though between having a sleepy, chilled out, very portable baby and having a baby that has colic / is a non-sleeper / is a crier. Depends which you get surely.

What odd comments. Why be so negative - what's the point ?

No idea why you can't eat breakfast when you have a baby - as I recall the only time that I did sit down and eat a proper breakfast was when the children were babies/young as I thought I should set a good example.

Better maybe to think about all the fun things you will get to do ?

Depends on the child I think. I mean I can't go on impromptu nights out any more but apart from that I can still do everything I want to. Holidays etc DS just comes along.

Yup that's annoying! I get sick of the "(childs name) will learn..." or "just you wait" people mean well but they dont realise how annoying it can get or how many times you have heard the same phrases over and over.

DP was more worried about no sleep than me as his older child had severe reflux and wouldn't sleep.

DD is a wee lazy bum. She would only wake for her bottles and that was it. I was tired yes with the night feeds but because she was bottle fed we took it in turns.

She's slept through since 6 weeks. And still sleeps 9.30pm till 9.30am with a nap during the day.

Yes we can't have a random night out but we still go to the pub etc whenever we want. We just take her and she sits at the table with a fruit smoothie and "joins in" the conversation.

We only went to the cinema about 3 times before she was born so that doesn't bother us.

However I am dreading a second child because she's been so laid back and an easy baby.

Funnily enough, i never watches as much TV as when I had my first/

If you are breastfeeding it is limiting in that, until you get the swing of it, you can be quite house bound so I ended up sitting on the couch, watching lots of box sets and playing with my DD and venturing out when I wanted some fresh air.

It was utter bliss! Now they are older, dont sleep during the day and more demanding of my complete attention, the opportunity for that total relaxation is gone.

I think lots of women make a song and dance out of having one baby its not that much hard work really,
If you have a baby with colic, PND or birth injuries it is of course different (and i was lucky to have none of the above) but most of looking after a newborn involves feeding them and yourself, walks and sitting on the couch.
Enjoy every second.

Depends on what kind of children you want to raise. Please do me a favour and prepare them to be polite, use cutlery, not be fussy eaters or encourage silly behaviour. Also please ensure they learn to speak properly. I’ve been out and about this past week and so many British children, all backgrounds, do not speak properly. Lots of ‘fanks’ instead of ‘THanks’. I also do not think it’s acceptable for parents to expect children to behave by screaming at them.

most of looking after a newborn involves feeding them and yourself, walks and sitting on the couch.

Ha. Ha ha. Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You're either very funny, or very cruel. Possibly slightly amnesiac. I can't tell which. But you're definitely one of them.

People are annoying. They like to say boring shite and look smug about it as if they'd come up with the phrase themselves.

I had people tell me I would never finish a cup of coffee once I had a baby. I've never not finished a cup of coffee. I would never waste precious caffeine.

Also, when it comes to babies and children, nearly every person who has done it believe they know everything about it. That's why you get so much shit advice. The truth is, we all only know ourselves and our own kids. We are not qualified to comment on others.

I do, however, think that in our society that we are too quick to try and live our lives exactly as before and that some people treat babies and children as an inconvenience... but that's a whole other thread!

most of looking after a newborn involves feeding them and yourself, walks and sitting on the couch

This was pretty much my experience with a newborn. Things started to get tough when he started to move on his own

Oh and another thing... if you're breastfeeding you will want to finish your bloody breakfast! You'll be ravenous (most likely)

This is what frustrates me - not the various scenarios people like to talk about. But the feeling that people think I've got a rosy view in my head of how it's going to be and that I don't know that my life will change. I know this. I've prepared myself for it being utter shit challenging in the early days

Ah OP- I'm sorry about all the comments in a row but I want to say it very well might not be utter shit!

Lying in bed now and feeding my 9mo, I have such lovely memories. People want to tell you how shit it will be and that's pretty u fair... it won't be shit - it'll be different all the corny stuff is true. I have never ever loved someone so much. I actually used to cry with happiness very often in the beginning may have been hormonal it may be hard, it may not be hard - totally depends on what kind of baby you get and your resilience... but it will be worth it! My life is unrecognizable from a year ago but I absolutely wouldn't go back.

And congratulations

I hate when people do this but the sad truth is they are also right!

Glad there are some lovely people on here making you feel better. Since I’ve been pregnant I’ve been told I will never again travel, sleep, have any money, read a book, be alone, have a nice evening with my partner, be a weight I’m happy with (thank you to MIL that one), have a lie in...list goes on and on. It’s all bollocks. You do what you can do, and screw everyone else. Add to that all the groping and clawing at my bump and it’s quite the experience (went to a wedding last weekend and my dress was actually dirty from people touching me). But I’m in my third trimester now and I care a lot less than I did!

Since I’ve been pregnant I’ve been told I will never again travel, sleep, have any money, read a book, be alone, have a nice evening with my partner, be a weight I’m happy with (thank you to MIL that one), have a lie in...list goes on and on. It’s all bollocks

Most of this is shite- everyone's experience is different but in mine...

Learned to bf lying down in bed = sleep
Don't drink anywhere near as much as before and don't smoke any more = more money in my pocket since DS was born
Have read more books on mat leave than before (baby will only nap on me and I have a kindle app!)
And am going to sound really smug now but I actually prefer my post pregnancy figure! I was always only curvy on the bottom with a flat chest - now have boobs to balance it out.... hello hourglass!

Point is that it certainly isn't all doom and gloom