To hate "say goodbye to xxxxx once the baby's here" comments

[m4rdybum]

Currently pregnant with my first.

I can't say I enjoy anything nowadays without someone remarking that I'll be waving it goodbye once my baby is born.

I'm not even going about big things, like impromptu weekends away (which I can't do anyway cause I'm skint) or going out on the lash (which I don't do cause I'm a boring fucker).

Someone told me very smugly that I won't be able to sit and eat my breakfast and watch telly for 10 minutes in the morning.

I get that things get hectic and sacrifices are made but I just find it so patronising - like people think I'm expecting it to be a doddle (which I'm not cause I'm a realist).

The most annoying part is that they mainly mention things you have already "said goodbye" to just by being pregnant. Eg, sleep (impossible while preg), going out (too tired, can't drink alcohol), and generally enjoying life (nauseous, in pain).

Fuck 'em all @mar4ybum!

When you have your child, a whole new world will open for you!!!

Yeah it will be a struggle for the first few weeks/couple of months, as you adjust, but having little kids is the best, because YOU get to be a kid again! Playing on the swings and slides, making shit with playdoh and lego, colouring in, paddling in the sea and building sandcastles, enjoying Christmas all over again, making Easter bonnets and cute Halloween decorations, and taking your kiddy to parties! The list is endless.

Yeah there are things you may not be able to do for awhile, but who cares? I don't miss ANYthing from my childfree life. But then I did everything I wanted to do before having kids.

I think people who blather on about what you will 'miss' or 'regret,' are not happy with their decision to have children, as they had them too soon, (before they had lived,) or they had them at the wrong time....

Ignore them, enjoy your wee bairn, and CONGRATULATIONS!

Haha it's all true!

I don't think people say it as criticism, it's just being polite and making conversation.

To be honest my first baby was so content and easy I managed to carry on as normal more or less. Though yes, time alone with partner and freedom to go wherever is DEFINITELY limited. It was when the second came along that reality struck however!

I'm going to reiterate what others have said- make the most of a hot cup of tea, sitting down in peace, going to the toilet alone, being able to go wherever you want, whenever you want, having a biscuit without it being stolen etc etc etc. And most of these things won't come into affect until your baby reaches toddler age fyi

My husband and I get this at the moment. Our favourite is ‘get all the sleep you can now, you won’t be able to when the baby comes’... sleep isn’t like grain! I can’t store it up for the winter! Either you get it or you don’t!

We’re both athletic and a lot of people have been all doom and gloom about us continuing to train and compete. Yes there will be massive adjustments but my god it makes you determined to keep going when everyone is so negative about it!

It is annoying, especially when you feel as though you "know" what you're in for. But you know nothing, Jon Snow

For the record, I don't tell pregnant mums what they're in for as I remember getting annoyed by similar comments myself. I just say it in my head!

I used to think people like this were annoying but post DC I realise where they are coming from. I often look at pregnant women in the street and think "you have NO idea what's coming".

I wouldn't say it though.

And BTW having been around babies and young kids all my life, I thought I knew what I was in for. I didn't. It's impossible to really know until you've got your own.

It's not kind for people to gleefully point out negative things when they must know that every pregnant women gets anxious at times.

Yes, you will miss out on things for possibly quite a while. But when you get those things back, it's all the sweeter. And the bit in between while you are waiting for that isn't just some shitty time to get through - it has its compensations!

It is annoying, but I think that some people just are trying to prepare you for how all-consuming a new baby is.

And, people just speak to fill the void. It's the same sort of thing as are you having a girl or boy/oh a girl/boy-how wonderful-you'll have your hands full-oh good girls clothes are so much better-oh boys are so fun whatever.

I remember being in the lift at the hospital, leaving hospital with DS1. Shitty birth, failure to breastfeed, but the amazingness of DS1 too. Some bloke gets in and says 'that's your life over'. Wanker

We’re both athletic and a lot of people have been all doom and gloom about us continuing to train and compete
That's so rude.

Re: the athletics

I look at women out jogging with their babies and buggies and wish I loved running. Because after you've recovered enough to go out, I imagine doing something you love, and something that gets you in touch with your body again, looks like a brilliant thing

... and men out jogging with their babies an buggies, of course. Man's lives change a bit too. and they bloody well should

I agree with @Bloodylovepotatoes I often look at pregnant women and think the same I also use to find comments like this annoying to. I remember saying to my DH I know it's going to be hard. I had no idea! I don't think there is a way to be really prepared.
Having said that it really is the best thing I have never felt love like it. And you do get time to yourself eventually

It all depends on the nature of your child. My two were very very different! You just don't know until they arrive so I think people are just trying to prepare you for every eventuality

I hated the smugness too. The only advice I did find useful was to go to the cinema as after kids it's possible but who wants to pay £30-40 for a babysitter to watch a film.

No amount of warnings prepared me for how much my life changed. The relentlessness of it was the hardest thing. And the sleep deprivation affected my physical and mental health. I think people are just trying to prepare you a tiny bit by saying these things.

Both of my babies have been shit and clingy so I think it's just people trying to warn you, but in an irritating way. I've gone most of the day without eating many times before because my two have screamed as if they're being tortured when I put them down. My 3 month old currently spends about 10 minutes not being carried by me per day.

The comments are well meaning on the whole as they're trying to prepare you for how much a baby changes everything

It’s harder to go lots of things but impossible to do very few so you prioritise more. I haven’t been to the cinema since DS was born nearly 2 years ago but I’d only been about twice in the 6 years before that - it’s not something I care much about. I have taken part in (I won’t say competed at!) 4 or 5 triathlons - I care more about doing them.

It’s so variable. DD is 11 months and at home with me. On a near-daily basis I do paid work for 1-2 hours (while she naps/evenings), garden (DH has her before work) and socialise (with other mums with babies). I also have regular outings to baby cinema, baby stand up comedy and baby-friendly talks at museums and galleries (note the key word there). But if I wanted to have, say, a long boozy lunch followed by a siesta and an evening at the National Theatre, that’d be so expensive and logistically messy that I would likely rarely bother.

I am pregnant with my first too and get this from someone at least once a day, and they usually sound soooooo smug! It is usually my sister but other friends with kids join in too.

I am really excited and looking forward to meeting my new little one, and this negativity (because that's what it is), is really getting to me.

Does anyone have a quick witted response for me??

I think it depends on the source and how it's said. If they're just being smug I wouldn't even bother responding.

But as PP said, it's HARD, especially at the beginning, and no one is prepared for that. I certainly wasn't! My best friend and I are pregnant now at the same time, her with her first, me with my second. I don't want to spoil the excitement but equally when she's talking about spending her time off work cleaning the house, I'm saying no, sit and watch tv/do nothing all day, as YOU'LL NEVER GET THAT CHANCE AGAIN!

I think it fully depends on the temperament of your baby. My first was refluxy, colicky, never wanted to be put down and had to be rocked before he would sleep, hated his car seat, hated his pram, hated being swaddled. He was regularly awake for 19 hours out of 24 until he was roughly 9 weeks old. He still struggles to sleep now at 8!
Youngest was pretty much a textbook baby, napped when she was tired, ate when she was hungry and didn’t really fuss - she would sometimes even fall asleep having her nappy changed!

If we had my youngest first, or even had multiples of my youngest then I think we would have wondered what all the fuss was about. I like to be honest with people without scaring them if I can
I found the comments after baby was born, far worse :(

I agree OP, but I do find the people saying it (mainly family who feel like they can as generally they have no filter anyway) are also really really excited about a new baby arriving soon, and also say really nice things like 'aw, we can't wait to meet them' so I just try to focus on that. I was told this weekend that I wouldn't be able to drink once I'd had mine when I mentioned I was looking forward to having a drink at xmas, please someone tell me I will at least be able to have one drink??!!!