Mummy has a beard on her willy

[Ahostofgoldendaffodils]

I thought I’d combine two of Mumsnet’s favourites: kids saying inappropriate things and lady garden grooming. I’ll start: my two year old DD watched me shower one day and was quite taken with my somewhat blooming bush. Later that day she announced to my DH and MIL that ‘mummy has a beard on her willy’. Admittedly, I do have quite a ‘beard’ down there, but I don’t have a willy. AIBU that kids often come out with some of the most hilarious yet inappropriate things? What’s yours?

"Time to get the bic out"

My first thought was a Bic pen and wondering why you'd need to get a pen out. Eventually I remembered that they make razors too.

One of my kids asked cockporn too. I'd forgotten until I saw it here.
Also, whilst playing with my bingo wings, "I like that your arms are squishy and wobbly." I've tried to take it as a compliment. Having lost a lot of weight and worked hard on my fitness the excess skin ain't shifting.
I had downy hair on my face when pregnant, DC1 "are you growing a beard like Grandad"

OP you are so Un-mumsnet

Don't you know that by the age of 2 your DD should be referring to 'the pubic hair on your vulva'?

Last year on holiday DH is showering and I am putting my makeup on - in the bathroom next to him. Our (then) 4 year old son wanders in "oh wow daddy your willy is big! Mummy do you want to see this?!" Ummm no I'm alright thanks sweetie "oh mummy, you REALLY should!" DH was like, thanks son! Haha

Also when talking about how babies are made and my 8yo daughter is impressing us with some great biological knowledge and then my DS pipes up "and then the daddy mixes it all around" (I think he was imagining that it was like potion making - as DH said he managed to make it sound unintentionally really quite filthy!) 🙈😂

After DS2 had his pre-school health check he asked me later that day, "Why did Dr K squeeze my scrotum?" I said he just wanted to check that there were two testicles in there. DS1 (then 5 or 6) then asked me why they had testicles. I didn't really want to get into sex at that point as DH and I hadn't discussed how we were going to tackle that. so I said that testicles made hormones, which were a bit like medicines that came from inside your body, and when he was older the hormones in his testicles would make him bigger and stronger and hairier and have a deep voice, just like Daddy. When Daddy came home DS1 cheerfully told him that he now knew what testicles were for - "they're to make me be a daddy!"

Cheers OP! Even the TITLE of this thread made me ROFL!

Mine is neatly shaven! not baldy

DS, loudly, in the swimming pool changing rooms (mixed sex area with cubicles), referring to my bra: "Mummy, why are you wearing nipple holders?"

Also DS, loudly, in the swimming pool changing rooms: "Daddy, why is your willy so big?"

Also DS, loudly, in the swimming pool changing rooms: "Mummy, why have you got hair on your willy?" (I don't have a willy, he just didn't know what else to call it).

Also DS, loudly, though this time not in the swimming pool changing rooms but in a public toilet whilst I was on my period: "Mummy, why have you got strawberry wee?"

Getting changed with ds1 (then about 3) in a cubicle at a large, busy public swimming pool. "MUMMY, WHY HAVE YOU GOT SUCH A BIG HAIRY BOTTOM?" he bellowed.

The teenage girls next door thought it was hilarious, they were nearly choking and there were definitely tears. They must be nearly 30 now; wonder if any of them have offspring who've done the same?

There was someone on here at about the same time whose dc saw her ladygarden while she was getting changed and gleefully yelled, "TEDDY!". That had me laughing for ages!

Dd at around 2 was giggling as I was getting ready for work and she sat playing on the bed, asked her what she was giggling at " Oh mummy your bottom is very wobbly when you walk, just like jelly!"

Same dd more recently as a teen
"Mum, why do you have a pube growing out of your chin?"
At.the.bus.stop.
I may or may not have engaged in some singing along and dancing in the supermarket to get my revenge. Also picked up some immac!!

Last week I got stung in my armpit by a wasp when I was in the garden. Ds inspected it very seriously for a moment before piping up with ‘so is that why this bit is kind of floppy and swingy?’ Yep, bloody wasps inflicting bingo wings on me.

I once had to change DS's nappy in front of my niece, aged 3ish. As I took his nappy off, DN exclaimed, "A tail!" I guess she hadn't seen many boys' bits and bobs before!

A long cuddle from my 3.5 yearild and a 'I love you so much mummy, your tummy is like a bouncy castle.'

When I put my too tight swimming costume on in Center Parcs and my son looked at my cleavage and said ' mummy you've got another bum!'

DD2, then 3 on the Eurostar last year.

"Mummy, I'm going to draw you... here's your head... here's your arms", your other arm, your leg, your other leg... and here's your BIG. HAIRY. WEE WEE" (complete with loud voice and dramatic pauses)

Cue muffled laughter from other passengers.

when my DD was two she said to the young man in the local shop "are you a boy or a girl?" when he said boy she said "oh - so you've got a willy then?"

My two year old saw me get out of the shower, pointed to my (admittedly neglected) lady garden and said ‘what a mess’ and walked off 😩

Pmsl cliff. Thing is if any of them have small people in their lives they were just giving thanks it wasn't the this time.

my dd is dyslexic and these were said around the age of 8, so hardly a toddler.

We were getting really wet in a freak storm in Italy, torrential rain, thunder and flooding.

"Well, I've been in worst circumcisions than this" - circumstances

When looking in a shop window at lots of bling, more than the eye could manage actually.

"Mum, look at that tampax mirror" - compact mirror

Another one.

Putting on a sanitary towel - DD1, 4 with me.

DD1: what's that?

Me: it's to collect the blood, remember we talked about it before (I had briefly explained periods when using tampon at a swimming pool)

DD1: but what about the sticky up one?

Me: the what?

DD2: the sticky up one you used at the Swimming pool

Me: ah yes, I only use one like that when I'm swimming

DD2: so the sticky up one is for when you're in water and the one that looks like a nappy is for when you're on dry land?

DS 3 saw me getting changed be other morning gasped at my nether region and said ‘mummy!!!!!! You have a spikey bum!!!’

Was only a bit bushy

My daughter asked a lady in supermarket 'Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy or have you just eaten too much food?'

Thank fuck she was actually pregnant or I may have died.

My daughter asked a lady in supermarket 'Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy or have you just eaten too much food?'

Thank fuck she was actually pregnant or I may have died.

“We brought the spare front bum rockets for your bleeding front bum that you asked for. “

DS on the (office shared) intercom at my work when DP had kindly brought me some spare tampons at work when I’d run out

I was walking along our street with DD aged about 3. Passed a neighbour who lives further down the road, know him to say hello to, but not more. 'Is that man my Daddy?' She pipes up, muffled laughter from neighbour. Mortified smile from me...
Actual Daddy and I are still together, have lived together all of DD's life and was probably at home at the time!

Thankfully not overhead but philosophical question from Ds last week "mum, would you rather be a boy or a girl?" I said girl, because I was a girl and I'm happy with that. He announces "I'd rather be a boy cos we have more privates!"