Mummy has a beard on her willy

[Ahostofgoldendaffodils]

I thought I’d combine two of Mumsnet’s favourites: kids saying inappropriate things and lady garden grooming. I’ll start: my two year old DD watched me shower one day and was quite taken with my somewhat blooming bush. Later that day she announced to my DH and MIL that ‘mummy has a beard on her willy’. Admittedly, I do have quite a ‘beard’ down there, but I don’t have a willy. AIBU that kids often come out with some of the most hilarious yet inappropriate things? What’s yours?

MY other daughter, she must have been 4 overheard me and her dad discussing something I read on Facebook and was asking her dad what teabagging was, so few days later her mind musta been going into overdrive about teabagging asked me, told her it was when you throw teabags at someone because she’s obv only a kid and can’t tell her the true meaning..she opened the teabag canister up and started throwing them and me and her dad shouting ha ha I’m teabagging you

honeyharris is It a diary because it has a different entry each say (sorry)

she opened the teabag canister up and started throwing them and me and her dad shouting ha ha I’m teabagging you

Sorry, lo'lling again!

In a changing room at the swimming pool (they should soundproof them) Dd (around 3ish) had a full on floor tantrum because she wanted ‘tickles’ (testicles) on her privates like her little brother

Not a child that said something funny but oh well!

Teacher to Year 6s. Child was in a stress with some work and came in saying they'd never get it right etc.
Loudly replied: It's okay, sit down there and do it with me...it'll be fine.

Died. Realised what I'd said amd luckily carried on - think I got away with it as the 11yr old didn't blink. Oh. My. God. Later died laughing as I told my DP.

@WhatWouldCoachBombayDo this made me cry 😂😂😂😂😂

loverly may be being a bit dense here but have re read yr post several times and don't get it? Seems perfectly ok to me?

My little boy keeps saying it looks like a chicken down there. I couldn’t figure out what he meant until just reading this thread I hope he’s not referring to the chickens neck 😱

My DS aged around 3 walked in on me getting out of the shower..."Mommy! You've got HUGE muscles!" My "upper body strength" is apparently quite significant.

@laterly I don't get this either? I assume there was a double entendre I've missed but this seems like a totally fine response??

@laterly I don't get this either? I assume there was a double entendre I've missed but this seems like a totally fine response??

Sorry apparently I didn't get it twice

Sorry @loverly

On seeing a woman in a burkha with glasses on ds said “mummy that lady is just eyes”. He wouldn’t stop talking about her all round Asda.
Pulling up next to a white van at traffic lights same ds proclaimed look mummy - a wanker. Ex obviously had a road rage problem as well as being an all round cock.
Little ds on seeing the handyman leaving our house “when are you going to marry my mummy?”. Even worse I had been having a little fling with him - unknown to the kids!

On the bus with 3 year old DS.

'Mummy, your boobies are bigger than that baby's head! '

Haven't had the pleasure of my DS doing similar to me.... Yet. But my brother did to my aunt.

At the swimming pool changing rooms, my bro wanted to go I'm with my aunt, and her boy with my mother.

(Bear in mind my mother is a 'well trimmed' red head. My brother began to scream at the top of his voice "mum, mum, she's got a big hairy black one. Its black and furry. What's wrong with it mum? Get me out please. Its coming at me!" And cue the dodgy looks.......

@Kazarooney I don't get why you'd say you have two bottoms?

My brother to a distant relative
My mum says men with earings are pooftahs ...
He was a body builder 🙈

Ds (4) is currently obsessed with the differences between male and female bodies.

He has accepted (eventually) that I and his sister have 'chuffs' and that he and his dad have 'widgeys'.

After riding his pony the other day his (boy) pony wanted a wee. Pony stretched out and dropped his penis and proceeded to wee. Ds bent down, had a good look then went 'wow mummy his widgey is even bigger than daddies widgey'. In clear hearing of about 7 people on the yard and a dog walker passing by.

Sorry DH. You are not actually hung like a horse, not even a small pony .

DS and friend (both 3) walking hand in hand. F to DS: you have really big hands. DS: you have little hands. F: my daddy has a big willy. DS: my daddy has a big willy. Moment of contemplation. DS (loud, and at this point we are passing cafe): my mummy has a big gina.

Mine is't as funny but i was mortified . Swimming changing room, alone with 2.5 yr old and 6 month old baby. Todler points at obese woman and says loudly" mummy that lady has a fat tummy", at least twice. We were dripping wet so couldn't escape. She got up and went into a cubicle. Used my best diversion tactics to focus attention elsewhere

Mummy, why are your boobies so long?

DD2 had chickenpox, we isolated ourselves at home for a few days but eventually had to venture out to supermarket. She was scabby not infectious by then. Ran around scratching her head and telling people it wasn't nits it was chickenpox!

My 7 yr old came home from a party at the cinema and then out to to restaurant to tell me that he would like 'dildos and dip' now at home because he like it them. I texted my friend to find out what they had been doing - eating Doritos in the cinema!

Not what she said, but this is DD’s lovingly-drawn portrait of me. Thanks DD. I was clothed when she drew it!