To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

And also to point out the boyfriend is happy to do it for money, suggesting that doing painting/papering over the weekend when he is not at work isnt the issue, its the monetary value. The boyfriend is a cocklodging lazy shit who the OP will be best rid of.

@pacer142

We're not talking about someone doing a M-F 9-5 office job and then doing some decorating at the weekend. We're talking about someone who's already working all week and expecting them to do the same for the weekend too is a bit of a tall order, especially as a freebie.

Oh, so a full time office job, whatever it is, is not actually working and somehow less than all week?

OP please come back to us and let us know if all is OK. I was a bit sad to see your last post was so unassertive saying you would just tell him you couldn't afford it. Please don't just let it go, this is a huge indicator of the type of person he is. You have a chance to get him to see how things should be in a normal relationship and may not get another one. You asked him for help - to assist you, not to quote you and give a tiny reduction if you were his assistant. If he didn't wish to help, he could have said so and you would have had an indication of how important spending time with you is to him. You do seem to be in the "Mummy" role to him - doing his washing and cooking as if you don't have a life other than serving him. Is this really attractive in a relationship? If he isn't doing anything in return for you - such as paying his way - please ask yourself why you are keeping him? You're not his mum - is that the kind of relationship you want? He is a CL and you are basically paying to have a relationship with him.

You could try treating it like a normal project in the home and get in several quotes and go with whoever is the cheapest/you can afford. If you do decide to go with his quote, treat it like a business transaction - you are the client; you do not assist in any way; you go out while he does what he is being paid for and you insist on it going through the books and being invoiced properly. Most importantly, before you agree to hire him, ask for references / previous clients that will be willing to let you view his work in their houses so you can judge whether he is good enough - and check that you are happy with the standard of his work. Yes, it is normal to view previous work before hiring someone to do work on your house - especially if it is a big job. Please send him an itemized invoice for all the cooking and ironing you have done for him., factoring in heating, water, electricity used (yes your bill goes up if someone stays over and then requires sheets changing / clean towels) and cleaning - unless he does any cleaning? A nine month bill will be quite large given the hourly rate of housekeeping/cleaning coupled with the materials and share of bills.

Or you could simply say that you are busy decorating and will catch up with him in a few weeks. Do not be available for a while and don't answer his calls - you are busy/tired. If he comes round, make it plain that he will be going home that night (you are too tired) and don't offer any food or washing - just stand up and say that you need some sleep and he can go now. Treat him like the stranger he is treating you like! I wish you well OP - hope you become a bit more assertive; right now, you are behaving like a doormat and people will wipe their feet on you. His own mum has wised up - it is a BF you thought you were seeing, not a big child.

Doesn't sound like he's in it for the long haul op. Before you ditch him for a normal guy, wait until there is the slightest inkling that he may ask you to cook anything/ a sandwich/ cup of tea - make it, but give him the bill at the end.

My exH, a builder, resented doing work in my house even when we were married unless I paid him! Consequently, nothing got done as I resented having to ask someone else to do it. Was a BIG red flag and he turned out to be nothing but a cocklodger who expected to live off me.

Next time you cook him a meal, charge him. See how he likes it.

You're an admin assistant, that means anytime you book something, you should charge him. Anytime you fill in paperwork for him, you should charge him. Anytime you do anything for him (cooking, washing etc) you should charge him.

Why is it that because his is a specific specialised skill that it's less weird to pay him for the help? MOST people (friends, family) will do anything for free, provided it doesn't cost them anything.

You're also not doing "everything" 50/50 if he doesn't chip in for your utilities when you never stay at his, and he never helps with groceries while at yours.

I wouldn't be petty though, I'd tell him "You want me to pay you to help me? I don't charge you for cooking, laundry, utilities, or groceries and I've done all of that far more times than this one time I'm asking for assistance. If you'd rather not help, just tell me, but I have to tell you I'm a little concerned that that was your gut impulse. Care to talk about why that was your first response?"

Look up the terms “financial abuse” and “cocklodger”. He lives in your house for almost half the week rent free!!! You do his washing and cooking and sometimes ironing!! The rest of the week he lives with his Mummy. Is that rent free too? He’s cross with Mummy that she won’t do his washing anymore. He’s a financially abusive sexist freeloader. All this 50/50 stuff is rubbish OP. Dump him and decorate it yourself.

You abused the relationship....
Maybe i should sue my soon-to-be ex-wife as I supported her and her daughter for 7 years and used all my money to do so, while she treated her salary as hers (along with mine...)
I am now forced on a pension with no savings left ....

WTF @Brien

@Brien isn't replying to the thread, that's a random bitter divorced man taking his issues out on a totally unconnected woman...

um Brien, wrong thread. What's with all the bitter ass men who've joined mumsnet just to rant at women.

@IDontEatFriedTurtle there does seem to have been an influx of male posters that all sound rather misogynistic and bitter about exes.

Brien please start your own thread about your wife so that Mumsnetters ‘give their opinions’ on your situation. This isn’t about you or your divorce.

This was splattered all over Yahoo’s Home page when I logged on this morning!

@Aridane a lot of nasty replies on there about it too.

I didn’t read the Yahoo thing- just surprised to see it there so prominently

I think it's very odd that OP hasn't come back at all since the beginning of the week.

Not read the full thread but my mum had a relationship with a builder for a while and she insisted on paying him for all the work he did for her in her house because she didn't want people gossiping about her taking advantage of him. I thought she took it too far and I don't know why she cares, but that was her view.

But I think it's a bit weird to charge your girlfriend anything other than the cost of materials unless you are doing it at the expense of paid work in which case I might want some sort of contribution.

brein your ex wife is young enough to have a 7 year old and youre on a pension?

@C0untDucku1a
That's not what Brien said. He said he'd supported the wife and her daughter for 7 years, not that the daughter was 7 years old. He also didn't specify that his is a state pension - Dh is on his works pension, but still has a few years to go until be gets his state pension.
As to the gist of his post - I don't think OP has abused her relationship, it seems natural to me that if you have a skill, you'd be willing to help out your partner. Both Dh and I have been asked to use our particular work skills/knowledge to help out family and friends o we the years and have been happy to do so - to me it's part of a relationship that you'd help out when you can.
OP's oh sounds stupidly selfish and frankly, mean spirited. At only nine months into a relationship, that would probably be enough for me to cut my losses.

I spoke to my best mates boyfriend who is an electrician about this.

He thought I was joking, he then said 'i bet he is the type of guy that make his missus pay half at dinner' and after reading further in the thread he is.

This guy did all the spot lights and electrical work in her flat after dating for 8 months, didn't charge her, did it at the weekend on his day off and didn't charge her for supplies. This is normal - although my mate should have offered to take him out for dinner or something but she was very grateful.

This guy is mental

your ex wife is young enough to have a 7 year old and youre on a pension?

My DH is on a pension. Our youngest DS is 8. What of it?

My partner and I have been together 9 months also and he is also a p&d. He offered after 6 months of being together to decorate my house for me. I paid for materials but he was very pleased with himself as it’s the first time his ever offered his services for free. I’m a firm believer of not making money or profit ofrom loved ones. You either do it free or not at all. You pay expenses so they are not out of pocket like the materials but labour is free. I am self employed and self employed and do treatments for my mum, always for free not even materials and I lose money by doing treatments for her and not booking paying clients. Family is family and a partner definitely counts. I would speak with him and tell him your upset that maybe he doesn’t see you as a loved one and give him chance to redeem himself and if not I would definitely have a good think if this is the right person for me as it would greatly put me off them. You are completely not bu.