To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

Red flag OP. My brother in laws dad was like this and he was an abusive twat. He used to grow (prize winning) veg and then sell them to his wife for his dinner!!! She used to say "well i would be paying anyway so I might as well pay him". He should offer to do it (9 months together not 9 days) and then you take him out for a nice meal or something.

My OH is a builder. We live together. I paid him the going rate (well, mate's rates) to redecorate my house. It's our home but my house. I asked him to do this, and wanted to pay him, because he's a professional and I wanted a professional job done. So I paid a professional.

But... but... That's like saying I should be paid to do my own washing!

Total red flag OP. Sorry.

Get rid.

This is now reminding me of that long internet joke about the Missing Cat Poster, Missing Missy

However, YANBU and we need an update please.

It probably hasn't occurred to him about the food and washing because that's ladies stuff that we just do and only costs a quid or so a time and he really needs it doing so that's okay. His job is obviously far more technical and his time is that much more precious. (Genuinely this is how my dad and his friends think and he is an electrician)

I wouldn't give a shit about looking petty i'd say 'the other day were you joking about charging me to help do the hall?' If he says yes i'd say 'oh right, sorry, i have been confused then as i thought as we were a couple we did favours for each other, like all the dinners, washing and ironing i've done for you over the past 9 months, but if that's how it is then fine, i wish i'd known before, but from now on i wont be cooking for you without a contribution, shall we agree at the beginning of each week what nights you want to come over and i'll let you know what money i'll need from you. Oh and don't bring washing again. i don't want to do that anymore.'

I would pay someone else to do the decorating job.

I would also start charging him a 3/ 7 share of utilities and food bills. Charging between partners has to work both ways, whatever you decide.

If he asks why you’re suddenly charging for food and utilities, tell him you can’t afford to subsidise his freebies as you ‘re paying out on your house.

You should start charging him rent for the three nights per week and either make him buy and cook his own meals or pay you for cooking for him. The fact his own mother won’t even do his washing and ironing speaks volumes. I’m afraid this would be the end for me, 9 months out of your life is nothing so get rid and chalk it up to experience.

Do you love him?
Does he love you?
Or is it just sex?
tell him how you feel.
Personally, if I was involved with a painter and decorator, I'd expect him to be happy to help me with stuff he's good at.
And I wouldn't charge someone I was involved with, if he wanted my professional help either
What a sad world.... that people treat their nearest and dearest like customers
Have it out with him

I just thought............. obviously you know him and we don't, but .............do you think he could have been JOKING? Maybe he said "Shall we say £285?" and he was just joshing with you?

Maybe say: "You know when you said you'd help with the decorating - when you said £285, were you joking or did you really mean for me to pay you?" At least it will open up the conversation for you discussing helping each other/doing stuff for each other.

sorry, not read whole thread

I find people that take and don't give very unattractive. Yes, I would be a bit taken aback by this and I would assume that we feel differently about each other/our relationship. I would pay someone else to do it and I would re-evaluate the relationship. As others have said, you're not his mate looking for a discount, you're the woman that's acting like his part time housewife, so it's disappointing he's taking all that for granted, especially when he can't be generous with his own time.

Also his mate rate, or whatever he thinks it is, isn't even 20%! It's not worth it in case he does a bad job and you do actually want to continue seeing him.

hollowtalk it really isn't since he won't benefit from any increase in the value of the property so it was fair. We both do other stuff around the house but anything that potentially makes my house more saleable, I'll pay the rate

How very rude. Are you sure it wasn’t a joke? If it wasn’t a joke he is being a cheeky monkey. I do work for many of my friends and my partners friends but I never charge them even when they offer because I know they are good people and will reciprocate when the need arises isn’t that what friendship is about. So either he is joking or he is being unreasonable. So either laugh and say that’s the cost of dating me cheap at twice price or dump his sorry arse. Definitely a chuckable offence in my book.

"Red flag" and "he's an arse/twat/bastard" because he doesn't want to spend his weekends doing for free what he spends his whole week doing?

You people are nuts. Red flags yourselves!

Hmmm it’s a difficult one. I can see his side though and you don’t live together

Would you work for free?

"I'm going to put the painting on the back burner for a bit so I can put money aside for it and get some quotes. I don't want to sound petty but it's made me realise we are on different pages, I thought as you were staying here 3 nights a week, eating dinners I cooked for you and I was doing your washing that these were signs we we're building a future together. The fact you want to charge me for helping me out on your day off to honest leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I hadn't got you down for someone who was happy to take but not give. Let's just go back to you doing your own washing at home, not eating here and staying less and see how it goes"

The above quote from a previous poster is spot on. I do get that people shouldn't automatically expect friends even, boyfriends, to do major jobs for them entirely for free on their days off, but since you are already doing cooking and washing for him on a regular basis, that puts an entirely different complexion on it. You are not being petty - this needs to be addressed and the previous poster sums it up well.

After only 9 months of being in the relationship, it should still be in the 'honeymoon period'. So in love with you that he is pleased to be asked to help make your home more comfortable. After all, he probably spends time there with you. Imagine what he'll be like in 9 years?

I agree with the poster as well about you doing his cleaning and cooking, it's a two way street ...

OMG OP. I'm a teacher and don't charge my sister when I help my niblings with their homework, my brother (a nurse) doesn't charge to patch up my BIL, and he does it a lot. My sons don't charge to fix my or my family's electrics or cars (only parts).

Can you do something for him and charge him for it?

I remember telling someone very close that I wouldn't work for free and how upset they got.

Still, it put an end to working through weekends, overnight, during holidays etx because everyone thought they'd just get me to do it instead of paying someone and I had to fit in paying work too (and really "it was nothing" becomes a tiresome attitude when it is coming from other people).

Also 9 months is not a marriage. A short term relationship might easily warrant a discount rather than a sizeable chunk of free work.

I haven't a lot of sympathy for expectations of free work as a "perk", frankly.

He might have been joking ...

Or it might be his way of telling you he doesn't really want to do his usual job on his day off and feels used. Do you help him out with stuff to reciprocate? Whatever the real reason, its time to have a really important conversation about your attitudes to money, a fundamentally important thing in a relationship. I wouldn't dump him over it, but it would certainly make me think about other aspects.

There's no suggestion he does it for free though.

But he's charging her the full amount - he's not taken even a wee bit off.
He's a tight arse.
There's really nothing more off putting OP than a mean spirit.

What an arsehat. My boyfriend is a mechanic and when he fixes my car there’s never been a question if payment unless it’s for parts, he usually offers!

I'd be taken aback. I'm a solicitor and help friends / family for free if a matter is in relation to my specialism regardless of how much time I spend which has on occasion equated to thousands £ of chargeable time. Using this as an analogy he is taking the mickey. I'd wait and save up to pay the other guy on a point of principle. I'd also bill him for your time when you do anything for him going forward!

The OP isn't coming back, she's just told him she can't afford it yet, and is probably doing his washing as we speak whilst he eats his chicken casserole.