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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2018 05:56

Op hasn’t come back. She’s probably told him she can’t afford it but will continue to be able to feed and house him for half the week. Sadly I think the doormat has been rolled out.

GreasyFryUp · 08/08/2018 06:40

I was undecided about this given it is his day off and it wasn't clear about how serious the relationship was but totally agree he shouldn't be charging you for it.

Decorating he obviously sees as work that should be paid for.

You cooking for him, accommodating him for half the week (weekends per chance?) he sees no value to.

He's onto a good thing. He might not realise he's taking the piss but point this out to him and see his reaction. You'll know what to do.

GreasyFryUp · 08/08/2018 06:41

And the washing! He's practically a cocklodger.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/08/2018 07:18

Let's hope op sees sense, that he's a using cocklodger, who takes takes, and not gives, and dumps the ass off him.

BellaMaroni · 08/08/2018 07:20

Ask him if he would expect you to charge him for cooking meals for him if you were a chef. Or charge to do his washing & ironing if you worked in a laundrette. Probably not. YANBU.

oldsockeater · 08/08/2018 07:22

I think it was unreasonable to ask someone to give up their weekend to do their day job for free. Maybe he was annoyed that op asked and that's why he said about paying. It's not comparable to sharing meals that you would be cooking anyway.
I am happy to do people work related favours /give advice when it suits me, but it really gets my back up when people expect time consuming work for free. I would have waited for him to offer and if he didn't, either get someone else or ask for a quote.

AJPTaylor · 08/08/2018 07:29

I suspect he has had previous relationships which woman has ended within days of her whole house being redecorated.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/08/2018 07:44

AJP, you do not treat your serious girlfriend like that! Especially after he uses her, and when it come to him doing something for her, he charges like he would!d a. Customer. Not only that, she has to provide materials, and help with the work.that would leave a bitter taste in my mouth and put me right off him. Not a nice person. Just if op found a quote for the stairs, unless she has a big house, it probably would be half of what her boyfriend quoted, and they would provide materials.

Eveforever · 08/08/2018 07:46

oldsockeater she's not people though, she's his girlfriend who he stays with 3 nights a week. Plus it's not just cooking meals she'd be cooking anyway(and presumably buying food for), she's also doing his washing (and ironing?!) which takes time and money to do. Then there was the free airport taxi service for his sister. Does acting as his part time houswife not gain her some goodwill with him?

Bluelady · 08/08/2018 07:49

I think AJP has it on the money.

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 07:55

Would anyone really stay with someone for nine months (cook and pay for them 9 months) to get 300 pounds worth of painting done. Think it through. She probably spent that in petrol and food money already

riiiiight · 08/08/2018 07:58

not to mention but if she was going to prostitute herself, you're looking at roughly 108 times they have had sex* which works out to less than £3 a go. think it through.

*3x per week
4 weeks per month for 9 months.

Randomised112 · 08/08/2018 08:18

I'm a professional cook. I don't ask my partner to pay me for my services when I cook their tea!

MachineBee · 08/08/2018 08:21

Why on earth do people make things so complicated? Do favours for close friends and family if you want to or say no if you don’t. Don’t work out discounts on your day rates.

OP could just stop doing his washing without being petty. She could just say no or simply leave it in a pile and say she’s busy if he questions it.

I’d simply either do the decorating myself or pay someone else. Take that out of the relationship equation. Then stop cooking and washing for him all the time. Reduce the number of meals I cook for him to once a week and ignore his washing. I’d probably even leave out an empty bottle of washing liquid and see what he did with that.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/08/2018 08:23

"Bluelday why is Ajp,* on the money, is it ok to be used like op is, and when he does a part favour for her, he charges her full whack excluding materials. What low expectations you have of potential boyfriends!

Earthakitty · 08/08/2018 08:35

Four words.
Get rid of him.

ConciseandNice · 08/08/2018 09:00

Good grief, I’m a lawyer and wouldn’t charge any friend or family for my time/expertise. The man is a knob.

Bluelady · 08/08/2018 09:04

Because I think so, Aeroflot. My opinion that I'm perfectly entitled to.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 08/08/2018 09:16

I imagine the op is a bit upset as the realisation that her bf is an arse. It takes a bit of head getting round when everyone makes you realise that your relationship isn't a good as you thought it was.

browneyes77 · 08/08/2018 09:53

My boyfriend of 4.5 years is a self employed plumbing and heating engineer. He’s installed my new shower and never asked me for any payment. I didn’t even have to ask, when I talked about getting someone in to fit it, he told me not to be daft and he’d do it for me.

I work in recruitment and over the years I’ve been asked by that many friends and friends of family to help them do their CV. I’ve never once expected any sort of payment. Some people will buy me a little something as a thank you.
Does it take time out of my day to do? Yes. Is it frustrating at times doing my day job in my free time for a friend/family? Yes it can be, but I have the option to decline if I really don’t want to do it.

End of the day if I care about someone, then I’ll help them, even if it’s of an inconvenience to me.

It’s not my place or anyone else’s to tell you to end your relationship when we don’t know either of you. But I would see it as a bit of an indication that he could be a bit of a tight arse. And given you do things for him - cooking, washing and ironing etc and he doesn’t see helping you as a return favour, that makes him sound quite selfish.

Personally, I would say to him:
“Don’t worry about the decorating, I’ll sort it myself. But I won’t be able to see you all of this week and weekend as obviously I’ll be painting etc and no point you coming over whilst I’m decorating as I won’t have time to spend with you or do your washing/ironing/cooking etc, so I’ll catch you when I’m all finished”.

And if he says “I told you I’d help you with the decorating though”, I’d say: “Well I wasn’t really expecting you to charge me nearly £300 for helping your girlfriend, especially given all the things I do for you (washing, cooking, ironing etc). I can’t afford to pay you that kind of money so I’ll just do it by myself”.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/08/2018 10:19

Well Bluelady he should not be expecting free accomodation, food, washing and ironing then, op should charge him. What a sad relationship Blue, you seem to be setting the bar quite low

ralfeesmum · 08/08/2018 11:03

If you were a psychiatrist, say, and he had a problem he wanted your opinion about would you hand him a bill when you finished listening to him whining?

Hodge00079 · 08/08/2018 11:43

I totally get it if he said I have been decorating all week so don’t really want to spend my Sunday doing it as well. Personally if it was me that had a skill and it was a one off I’d just want to help out a person I care about.

People can expect things for nothing too much. This isn’t some friend though.

It is not about saying I have done this for you so I expect x. However if there is a general feeling that both do things for each other. OP it sounds one sided. Like he values his time but not yours. You could say you both benefit from meal but not washing/ironing. The difference is you offer to do these things. Does he offer to do things for you?

It has been mentioned that maybe he might have been stung in the past by a past girlfriend. Is he generous in other ways or has this made you realise it all comes from you?

FuckCalmRhageOn · 08/08/2018 11:57

OP you need to give us an update!

Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 12:00

This thread is way too long to read but just replying to the OP, he sounds like a dick, you two are a couple, couples help eachother out, do eachother favours

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