To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

[lucyloo345]

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

If I were him I’d wonder about where the favours will end. My boyfriend is a self employed builder, can do almost any trade and the requests for favours from people are relentless. I’m conscious not to take the piss and if I needed him to do a big job that would take him away from other paid jobs or use up a number of weekend days then I’d absolutely insist on paying him.

I don’t know. If your ask wasn’t really an ask but assumed he was happy to do his job on the weekend for you then I can understand why he might have been peeved. I’m married and I expect my dh not to book my weekends for what’s essentially work without consulting me about it. But him charging is a bit much.

I would definitely hire someone else to do it. He doesn't want to do it and may think youre being a bit grabby. It can get very wearing when you have a skill from which u make your living but friends etc expect mates rates at zero..

After 9 mo I'd expect my boyfriend to either help me with this for free, or to say that he didn't want to spend his time off working - which is fair enough, it's not his house.

However, if he said the later I'd be considering if he was someone I wanted to be in a relationship with.
Included in this would be how urgent the work was - you need it doing or want it doing? Your financial circumstances regarding how paying for it will impact on your life. His circumstances 're giving up his work for free. The nature of your relationship, how much you see each other and where you see it going etc.

I've been seeing someone for 2 months, last weekend he helped me take a load of stuff to the tip and temporarily fixed an issue with my lounge lights - and said there was a lighting shop opposite his work and he'd go in and get the bits needed to sort it (I said no, screwfix will be cheaper and it's my problem so my money to fix it).

I’d be very taken aback. My OH is very handy at the DIY and he often helps me do stuff around my home because he wants to make things nice for me and be helpful. He never charges me but i’ll do something like take him out for a nice meal or out to the cinema and get his favourite takeaway if the job has taken him a few hours on his day off.

Tradespeople are ALWAYS having CF people wanting their time for free.

How about you spend extra days at work rather than having nice weekend off until you earn enough extra to pay?

No? Don't fancy going to work on your day off? Well neither does your BF.

Sorry thats just weird. I wouldn't charge my nearest and dearest

I agree with the PP that says you don't charge your partner, parents or children for your time. I personally wouldn't charge siblings either. If you want them to pay for materials/expenses/etc, absolutely fine.

If he didn't want to help, he should have said no.

I'd expect a boyfriend to do that for free. Not charge for it. I'd leave him if I were you, he sounds like an arse.

Depends on how big the job is imo. Plus you've not been together long.

Up to 3 hours = nice meal and some great sex should do the trick as long as he knows that's the deal in advance!

Over half a days work = you should have discussed it upfront. No way should you have assumed he'd do it for nothing.

I think it's abit CF territory

You don't charge your girlfriend/wife/child/parent (other than materials). Thems the rules.

Depends on what the rest of your relationship is like.

Do you cook for eachother, stay over at each other's houses, pop to the shops for eachother?

If you are enmeshed in eachother's life then him charging you that much is a bit mean.

But if you are seeing eachother but otherwise don't do the things above things then I can see why he may feel you're taking advantage of him.

Bear in mind that you want him to do the hardest bit - stairs and hall.

Op, was asking his help, for which she was going to give him money.

She werent asking him to do it all on his own for free.

I'm kind of on the fence here. I think you assuming he'd do it for almost free on his day off is a bit much.

You said you asked him to 'help you' but it sounds like you're expecting him to do the lot?

To be honest, I'd pay for a professional to do it and avoid blurring the lines.

For me by 9 months you know whether it's serious or casual. DH and I had moved in together by 9 months together (together 18 years now), several of my previous relationships lasted 1-3 years but I knew by 9 months they were just fun, not relationships I'd want to be stuck in.

If the relationship is serious it's nothing to do with potentially loads of friends taking the piss expecting work for free, because the relationship with a potential life partner is a one off not on a par with one of multiple friendships.

He's told you this is a casual relationship.

He should have clarified whether he'd charge when you asked him to help. I think it's dickish to expect you to pay that much. He could have gently said no if he didn't want to do it.

Sorry thats just weird. I wouldn't charge my nearest and dearest

Neither would I, but I wouldn't class a girlfriend/boyfriend of 9 months as being my nearest and dearest!

Op, was asking his help, for which she was going to give him money.

She werent asking him to do it all on his own for free.

I think she wanted him to do the bulk of it. The offer to help is half hearted afterthought. Her OP doesn't say she was going to do the hall. She said that later.

I would consider papering the hall and stairs to be quite a large job. I still think that expecting him to do this for nothing on his day off is a bit cheeky. I expect he gets fed up with people asking him to work on his days off all the time.

I think it's always tricky to ask someone you know socially (by which I mean any relationship, friend, boyfriend, relative, whatever) to do work for you in a professional capacity. I'd keep it separate, hire someone professional and don't ask social contacts to do work for free or discounted. As a PP said, it gets relentless with people wanting 'favours', by which they mean not paying for a service from someone skilled. Keep business and social life strictly separate! Although yeah, I can see him turning into that husband who expects the SAHM with 3 kids to pay 50% of everything. I knew a decorator like that, he had six kids, always out partying with us (all without children, younger than him), considered his income as all his. God knows what his poor wife survived on, fresh air, I think.

Seriously? Couples help each other without keeping score or charging money.

If he wasn't a decorator it would be perfectly normal for him to help you out with a DIY job at the weekend or vice versa. Back when we were dating, I remember spending a nasty afternoon scraping the moldy sealant out of DH's shower and redoing it when he moved out of a rental flat, because he didn't know how to do it and I did. Didn't occur to me to charge him money!

My husband is a plumber and is fitting a new bath etc for my sister for a favour, she's bought him a box of beer. Ok it's fairly big as favours go but we know if we needed a favour she'd be there for us.

I think he's telling you he doesn't see it as a serious relationship.

This totally depends on whether someone is just a friend or your “intended”.

Charging a bf/gf for work doesn’t really sound like they are trying to impress you and demonstrate what a great (and generous) life partner they will be. So it would be a Thank you and goodbye from me. And stuff your paintbrush somewhere where the sun don’t shine.

Hmmm. A bit ott to charge you but I've been with my builder dh for 20 years and he rarely does any work in our house. His rare days off are for rest. A physical job is soul destroying and the hall is tricky. Maybe he's setting ground rules iyswim

I'm a business mentor, and wouldn't dream of asking for payment when I help a friend out. But, I also wouldn't agree/offer to do anything substantial either.

I'd be put off by the fact that he gave you a quote first, rather than clarifying whether you just wanted a helping hand.