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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
LanerandPhn · 07/08/2018 21:23

When my DM passed away her estate including inheritance tax, sale of two properties and two estranged brothers trying to contest the Will had to be sorted. I am lucky in that my DH is a Banker. He worked tirelessly over weekends, evenings etc in conjunction with the solicitor and we had everything sorted and finalised 9 months on.

He must have spent at least 3 whole weeks in total working for me and the other Executors. His bill? Zero and he has never even brought it up.

He did it because he loves me and because he had the knowledge and skills to help the family.

Surely your partner wants to see you happy and wants to help. They sa actions speak larger than words and this seems to be a prime example.

Gildedcage · 07/08/2018 21:36

It never ceases to amaze me what low expectations some people have of their partners! Is there anything more unattractive than being stingy, whether that’s money, or time or as in this case both!

If he doesn’t want to help you out now, while still in the loved up stage (as you should be after 9 months) then imagine what 20+ years of this would be like, what a grim prospect. Genuinely, his dm’s attitude to doing his washing should probably tell you all there is to know!! He has all the markings of a cock lodger. Personally I’d tell him thanks but no thanks, and take a massive step back from doing his washing, cooking and ironing.

ShumpaLumpa · 07/08/2018 21:40

two estranged brothers trying to contest the Will had to be sorted

Laner how come they wanted a share? Hmm

ShumpaLumpa · 07/08/2018 21:40

Sorry meant to do Shock face

headinhands · 07/08/2018 21:42

That is a bit weird and suggests he doesn't see your relationship the same way or he's incredibly tight. Either way it would kill my feelings.

Pinkerbells · 07/08/2018 21:44

I'm a chef. If I charged my DP every time I cooked for him, I could probably retire! He's a c.f. dick

mylifestory · 07/08/2018 21:47

Surely a b/f would want to try to create a Good Impression after 9 months of dating if he was seeing this as long term relationship. Maybe make a joke of it to get your point across - put up a price list in the hall for everything you do for him, see how he reacts to that .....

peppersprayfirstapologiselater · 07/08/2018 21:47

Oh my god that's awful!

I work in the early years and occasionally have my best friends toddler as she is a single working parent. I work Monday to Friday looking after children and even babysit for a family privately one night a week for extra income.

I love my friend and adore her little girl and would never dream of asking her for payment... in the past she's given me little gifts like a lovely candle, a picture frame and small gift cards as thank you's but I care about them and enjoy being able to help when she's struggling. Why would I want to take from her?

Why would he want to take from you? Especially so much! Like you said you were going to offer him some money. Are you sure he is as invested in your relationship as you are?

bamboolzled · 07/08/2018 22:09

Six.months into seeing my now partner. I really tiled the bathroom, then 2 years later the kitchen got a refurb. Finally, I rebuilt the lounge floor after it failed, rotted out.

Didn't ask for payment, covered the cost and none if it's my day job. Got sod all help and in the end on the longer jobs, I even went out and bought dinner in.

Id say ur bf is being a proper cf. Just say no I won't be washing ur clothes and I won't be paying for a few hours of hanging wall paper.

Someone that charges another half no matter how soon into a relationship is a class a twat

Bmh54 · 07/08/2018 22:28

Boyfriend sounds awful!.. I would be insulted that he contemplated charging me...You may have treated him to a meal out or cook him a meal, for his services... I would say to him, " I had a think about your kind offer, but I know another guy, good looking too, said he would do it for me if I cook him supper after, said he would bring wine and paint brushes!... so i'm going with that offer... so you will understand reason I cant see you this weekend as i will be busy....But you have a great weekend.. Love you..

Better shut of him, good riddance!.. Cheeky so n so!..

Ps i agree with other comments made, a boyfriend is an entirely different scenario than a family or friend!

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 07/08/2018 23:08

@KlutzyDraconequus I can’t believe people like you even exist.
It’s not abusing a situation - it’s called treating people how you wish to be treated. I do favours for my friends all the time. I damn well don’t expect paying for it. It’s basic morals and kindness.

kirinm · 07/08/2018 23:11

Love all those who are saying they wouldn't charge family. My DP is an electrician and has spent weekend after weekend working at family member's homes. He can't do it for free nor should anyone expect him to.

FairyFlake45 · 07/08/2018 23:17

YANBU. Ditch him quickly

LifeImplosionImminent · 07/08/2018 23:18

@worridmum This made me so mad. How could he not see it was the same? Was he a bit dim? Or just utterly self centrered - I hope you kicked his friendship to the kerb. What a twonk! Angry

I would hate to do favours all the time knowing that it's saving people loads of money and costing me time but for a return arrangement (like cooking the OP's bf's meals and helping out with taxi duty or the promise of the use of a different trade later) I think it's fair.

HannahnotAgnes · 07/08/2018 23:19

Wider family is not the same as partner, especially when that involves one partner cooking, cleaning, washing & ironing 3 times per week for the other partner who wants to charge. He's a piss taker who doesn't value 'women's work' & isn't even giving her 'mates rates' given she has to buy her own stuff.

Please dump him op & find someone worthy of you.

WickedWitchOfTheWest83 · 07/08/2018 23:50

My boyfriend, who I’ve only been seeing a couple of months and who I met because he is building my parents’ house and barn, has just built me a conservatory and a salon/treatment room (that’s beautiful I might add) just off the side of my house. He refused to take any money off of me. There was something wrong with his car so my dad fixed it. My dad wouldn’t take any money off of him. My boyfriend also has discounted as much as he can off of the work he’s doing for my parents. It’s just “what you do” for the person you are with. I wouldn’t dream of asking him for money if he wanted filler, Botox or his eyebrows tattooed (what I do) - although I hope he doesn’t want any of that lol!!!!! That would be a whole new thread just there 😂🙈

WickedWitchOfTheWest83 · 07/08/2018 23:51

If you were a chef, would you charge him every time you cooked for him?

jade9390 · 07/08/2018 23:56

Odd. I have asked BF's to help or they offered, who are not decorators to help and obviously they did without wanting to be paid. Same as I have done things for them, such as their accounts or tailoring without charging .How many meals have you cooked for him? What favours have you done, without wanting anything? Dump him, unless it is purely sex

nearlythesummer · 08/08/2018 00:01

No, no, no, no! Partners do not charge each other for help. Yes, to the materials but not for his time. This would make me question my relationship.

Paddley · 08/08/2018 00:04

Do you really, really want to paper the stairs? It will all have to be stripped off when you want to redo it next time . I do all my own decorating and stripping paper off the stairs is a nightmare. Could you just paper some of the downstairs hallway and paint the rest?

Anyway, that's beside the point, he's an arse and I wouldn't want him doing any favours for me. In fact I would be reviewing the whole situation.

Chocolate1984 · 08/08/2018 00:12

I would expect my boyfriend to help me paint my hall for free no matter what his job was.

NT53NJT · 08/08/2018 00:13

I fix/service my wife's car and her dad's car for no labour costs. Even before we got married I did. I think it is unreasonable to charge.

bridgetoc · 08/08/2018 00:30

If I was you, alarm bells would be ringing.

smilingontheinside · 08/08/2018 00:37

@Lucylou please come back and tell us what's happened. I've read this all the way though am late going to sleep and have to be up for work in a couple hours Shock

tillytown · 08/08/2018 05:46

So, if you were to take him up on this offer. You source the materials and have them in. You help him all day. He is provided tea/coffee, snacks, meals and then at the end you hand over £285. If you had £300 in cash is he going to give you change?
Then, he stays the night. You sleep in the same bed and his wallet has your money in it.
He comes the next night with his washing which you do after cooking him dinner again.
And he is fine with all of this? Please try to communicate how this is so not on to him. I'm gutted on your behalf OP
This post by Dysania sums up how little your boyfriend thinks of you OP, don't put up with this.

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