Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my boyfriend charging me for decorating is a bit crazy?

523 replies

lucyloo345 · 06/08/2018 10:53

I've been seeing him 9 months and he is a professional painter and decorator.
I need my stairs and hall doing so asked him on his day off if he wouldn't mind helping.
I got quoted £350 from a guy a couple of years ago but couldn't afford it at the time.
My boyfriend says he will do it next Sunday ...tells me to get the paper and paste.
Then he says shall we say £285 ?
Ok ..so I was going to give him something but the fact he is making it like a official job has annoyed me a bit.
Would you be a bit taken back?

OP posts:
Powerless · 08/08/2018 12:11

LTB

Fenwickdream · 08/08/2018 12:15

Put it this way, a lot of men would have offered in those early days as part of the wooing you but he’s offered non of his skills to woo you. Unlike you who has been washing and cooking for him.

He’s either not that invested or really selfish / tight. Come on, most men know they get back more in return so they have to give a little too.

I’d get rid of him, honestly I would. What a miser.

It is annoying to have a skill / trade and be expected to do things for free all the time but for your very close family and partner it’s got to be the way.

I have a cousin with a v. Successful plumbing business that charges my Aunty full wack and sends any old plumber to do her jobs.... everything he’s got, he’s got with her help and she still provides so much emotional and financial support to him to grow his business. She also cooks him dinner twice a week and would do anything to help him. Bad bad boy imo

Powerless · 08/08/2018 12:17

I'm guessing @serbska is one of those people who would charge her own mother for a bit of hoovering Hmm

Powerless · 08/08/2018 12:20

I wouldn't class a girlfriend/boyfriend of 9 months as being my nearest and dearest!

Seriously?!?!?! @28holid ?

GettingAwayWithIt · 08/08/2018 12:30

I’m on the fence with this. I’m married to a painter and decorator.

Can he realistically get a hall, stairs and landing done in one day? I know you’ve offered to help but he is a professional painter and decorator, this is how he earns a living and he’ll have some standards as to how he likes his work done. He’ll no doubt prefer to do it himself.

Him charging you is odd, but not unreasonable to be honest. It’s not his house, you’ve not been together that long so why should he do it for free? Maybe better ‘mates rates’ could have been offered but I still don’t think he should be expected to decorate someone else’s house for free when he’s only known that person for nine months.

I used to make bespoke cakes in my spare time to make extra cash. I would do them for friends and relatives for cheaper but for something that takes all day, on your day off work, you do get a bit annoyed to only recoup your costs. No matter how much you enjoy doing it.

Liketoshop · 08/08/2018 12:34

Think your original quote was reasonable so go with that as I pay double that!! Always keep business and pleasure separate - I wouldn't ask my electrician friend to rewire for nothing!

QueenElsie · 08/08/2018 12:45

Oooh this would be it for me I am afraid - but I went out with the tightest bloke in the world for 5 years and it was torture. He used to pop to the Co-Op for a pint of milk and put a sticky on the fridge sying "Elsie owes X amount for half the milk".

I now have a wonderful partner who is a tradesman, and I actually have to put my foot down myself for him doing favours for my family and refusing to take ANY payment. He would never dream of charging me, we have only been together 6 months.

Get rid. Tight ass!

KreigersClones · 08/08/2018 12:47

I’m shocked reading the comments, people are so tight. How a bloke can live there half the time, have his meals cooked and his clothes washed, but can’t spend a day putting a bit of paper on the walls. Fuck him right off

jarhead123 · 08/08/2018 12:48

I'd be very taken aback

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/08/2018 12:49

DH missed a trick there, he could have charged me for the kitchen and bathroom! 😂 I'd tell him to jog on.

Twinkle7 · 08/08/2018 13:23

Wtf?? Id tell him to fuck right of to fuckety fuckville. Knob head

hellsbellsmelons · 08/08/2018 13:44

Wow - I'd be really pissed off.

For context.
i Dated a handy man for 4 months.
Within that 4 months he'd done about £2K of work in my garage.
Unfortunately I went off him so ended it.
I will pay him for his work when I get some money but he was still insisting after it was over that he didn't want my money.
He did it because he wanted to, to make my life easier.

Your OH is an arse.
And please stop being his maid.
His own mother realised he was a grown up and should do his own washing. Jeez, it takes 2 minutes to put a wash on. Does he not have 2 minutes free time?
Stop it! Stop doing 'anything to keep your man'.
The fact he can't be arsed to iron so YOU do it for him is just making me want to shake you and tell you to pull yourself together.
You are NOT his replacement mother. Although that is exactly how he sees you.

Run from the one. He doesn't value you or what you do for him.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

mumof3boys33 · 08/08/2018 15:11

My husband has a son from previous marriage, he is a builder. He always charges his dad for his time. Up to the very last minute. I always think it’s a bit off especially as his dad has given him many years of free accommodation. Not only for him but also a free lock up for all his building equipment. But husband says he can’t expect him to do it for nothing. So maybe I wrong.

Tinkobell · 08/08/2018 15:14

Some people know the price of everything but the value of nothing. That's not someone I'd want in my life as a partner.

Cl0udsandtr33s · 08/08/2018 18:18

My partner and I have done jobs for friends and family, we only charge for materials. That person may buy us dinner or make us a meal in return.

Dysania · 08/08/2018 19:58

@tinkobell So true 😞

angelfacecuti75 · 08/08/2018 20:34

Whilst I appreciate the comments that a workmen doesn't want to be working on his day off ... I would be taken aback at being asked to be paid for and I would refuse .

mumoy · 08/08/2018 22:32

I had just met my DH who is a builder when I was buying my house, after completion he totally gutted the house and redecorated the whole lot including new kitchen and bathroom. All of it was done in the evenings after he finished his full time job, I paid for the materials but he did not charge me a penny for his time. We have now been together 18 years and happily married.
I do think your boyfriend is being a bit cheeky here.

Lalala2018 · 09/08/2018 09:17

Erm yes! It's his day off but you shouldn't have to pay for his help. This is awkward...

DeadHerring · 09/08/2018 09:39

Tell him you can't afford to pay him, sadly, so you'll do it yourself. Not being an expert and it being quite tricky to do stairs it'll no doubt take quite some time. Certainly, though you'll start it on Sunday, you're unlikely to get it finished so you'll have to finish it off piecemeal no doubt.
Every time he contacts you to arrange a meet up, "sorry I'm decorating, darling" and repeat and repeat. If he mentions laundry, tell him, "oh you're welcome to come and use the machine and the iron whenever you want, you can keep me supplied with coffee while I work", sweet smile.
(Because clearly hanging wallpaper is work but washing and ironing is just so much fun! [hmmm])

Just wanted to give this so many upvotes, @Ifeelsuchafool is spot on.

If you don't feel up to sitting down with him and saying "I didn't think that was particularly fair, given that you live here 3 days a week and I wash, iron and cook for you, I thought this would be something you could help me out with, instead of just being able to give me a £75 discount on someone else coming and doing it." then go with the above.

If you don't feel up to doing the talking thing, you need to demonstrate that what you bring to the relationship has worth. If he doesn't get it by talking or by you showing what you offer, then you know what the relationship's going to be like and you can make an informed choice.

gamerchick · 09/08/2018 10:18

I don't think the OPs coming back.

pacer142 · 09/08/2018 10:34

Whilst I appreciate the comments that a workmen doesn't want to be working on his day off ... I would be taken aback at being asked to be paid for and I would refuse.

There's no way I'd work for seven days, potentially meaning 2 full weeks of doing my normal work without a day off. If I had to do a day's work for friends/family, then I'd have to take a day off during my normal working week to give me a break, hence losing a day's earnings.

We're not talking about someone doing a M-F 9-5 office job and then doing some decorating at the weekend. We're talking about someone who's already working all week and expecting them to do the same for the weekend too is a bit of a tall order, especially as a freebie.

Dysania · 09/08/2018 11:25

@pacer142 I'm so glad I'm not one of your nearest and dearest
The fact that wouldn't take time to help someone out says so much about you

pacer142 · 09/08/2018 12:17

The fact that wouldn't take time to help someone out says so much about you

I would and do help people out, very often in fact as I do a lot of voluntary work. But what I WON'T do is my SAME day job on my days off, as per my post. I'll happily do other things but I won't do the same work day after day after day without a break. How is that not hard to understand???

ccmms · 09/08/2018 13:06

We're not talking about someone doing a M-F 9-5 office job and then doing some decorating at the weekend. oooh nice way to demean office work right there. So I can be expected to work 40/50 hours in an office and help out decorating at weekends (I have done so in the past because Im a fairly competent best in my family wallpaperer) (not to mention all the times ive helped people out with administration things, i must be a god managing to this throughout the week and at weekends when im not being paid) but an actual painter and decorator couldn't because you're talking shite?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.