If you are hosting you should pick up the cost

[Happysunshine1992]

Is anyone else suprised by the amount of people who host celebrations either at their home or out at a venue and do not pick up the tab for their guests. We frequently host various events birthdays, BBQ's throughout the year and would never dream of telling our guests to bring their own drink/food.

We also always put money behind the bar or preorder drinks when hosting at a bar/club. AIBU to think if you can't afford to pay you should forgo the party or invite less people?

I was always taught by my parents that if you are hosting, your guests should not have to put their hands in their pocket at all. Is it just me that thinks this way or have times changed??

This day and age I think it is just nice to take bottles and food to a celebration- I would not ask but I think it is the done thing these days. I would never turn up at a party with out flowers for the host and drinks etc

About 20 years ago I went to a works christmas do in a pub, a bloke running a small business, and he invited his few part-time staff plus other halves and several tradesmen who worked with him. Quite a few people drank rather a lot - not guilty I was driving

There were about 12 of us, and it cost him over £850 back then. God knows what it would cost now.

I love it when a friend asks me to bring a dish along to dinner. It suggests a really relaxed evening, and that they like my cooking. And I love it when friends offer too. A couple of my friends are really brilliant cooks - much better than I am and I love it when they say 'Do want me to make that strawberry pudding/orange cake?'

Most of the things I go to are bring some food/ a bottle - I don't see any problem at all. I live in a small house, I haven't got the space for BBQs or parties. Some of my friends have lovely big gardens and often host things for that reason - we all bring along food and drink and share. It's nice and most people like to make something and share it with others. I'm grateful to the hosts for the effort they put into providing a venue, plates, knives, forks etc. And they always provide some food, just not all of it.

I also don;t see why I shouldn;t pay for my own drinks at a wedding. Maybe one free glass of champagne to toast the bride and groom and then the rest is a paid bar. Some people go to weddings just to get guttered - don't see why the newly married couple should fund that.

And I don't think it is generational (I'm late fifties) I think it is income based and cultural. In lots of cultures (mine included) gathering together and sharing food with everyone contributing is the norm. It is more inclusive and less formal and uptight

Amongst my friends, bring-and-share events are the norm. Each person's situation is different and some people have more space at home so don't mind hosting, but don't like cooking or have more demanding children. Bring-and-share means that each person can contribute something that won't stress them out, and everyone can enjoy themselves rather than feeling they have to decline the invitation because they can't afford to host everyone in return, or don't have the space to.

When people host a big barbecue they usually ask guests to bring drinks.

All that matters is that everyone is clear about what's on offer.

If I was invited to a dinner party and hadn't been told that it was bring-and-share, I'd ask the host if I could bring anything, and if they said No, I'd bring a bottle of wine and some flowers anyway. Would always bring something if possible.

My Nan and parents generation would agree but I don’t. I think it is fine to bring nibbles and drink. I wouldn’t ask anyone to bring an actual dish though.

I was thinking the same. I work two jobs and my husband also works just so that we can get by. If I'm hosting a party, I'll buy a few nibbles and if anyone wants to bring they can. It would be too expensive for me to supply alcohol. Humble Brag indeed.

I dunno. If a friend is hosting a bbq I just always take something

I wouldn't dream of turning up at someone's house without some drinks to share, and I always ask whether I can bring anything else. I think it's very rude to turn up empty handed.

If the event is being hosted at a bar/restaurant then I think it depends on the event, but I certainly wouldn't expect everything to be paid for.

If an event is hosted in a venue I expect food to be provide but Ive never been anywhere apart from a wedding that has provided drink. In a house I expected some drink and food to be provided but will ask if I can bring anything and always bring a small gift for the host.

AIBU to think if you can't afford to pay you should forgo the party

Dead right. I mean, poor people having parties? Fucking cheek of them!

I don't get invited anywhere so can't appreciate OP's problem.

YABU, unless the celebrations at our place (in which case we usually buy 2 beers per head and food and expect them to more drinks for themselves) we always expect them to get their own drinks at a bar. Open bars just lead to cheeky fuckery. There's always at least one cunt who takes advantage of your generosity and buys a bottle of champagne.

I think it is OK for everyone to chip in or for the host to pay for everything but it has to be made clear beforehand which is happening. Many less well off folks would not be able to socialise at all if they had to pay for everything for everyone else.

I have always paid for everything if I have hosted something at home and at big events have bought all the food and the first few drinks at the bar but always made it clear so people could refuse if they didn't like it.

Pay the restaurant bill for everyone on my birthday?

I have a friend who hosts an annual BBQ to which he invites everyone he knows. He provides salads and some drinks and some burgers but it's very much bring your own bbq meat/veg and bring a bottle. It's great fun and he's basically providing the space for a great afternoon. I've had offers to events where they want £10 a head and you still need to byob. I think this proves it can work both ways. My evening wedding reception had a buffet and a free bar. However, friends were told they could also bring their own food and drink too, and bring friends. We had hundreds of people, the buffet ran out, but the bar didn't. People were happy to bring their own stuff and have a good time. If I host a party I don't expect anyone to bring anything, and would make it clear. However, if someone offered a pudding, I wouldn't turn it down!

Ive not read the whole thread-sorry!! If Im hosting at my house, I provide food(but friends always bring extras<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Smile" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/smile-iCO8d7ST.png">), snacks and all soft drinks & mixer drinks, but I do ask guests to bring their own alcohol!! I find it far too expensive, even Aldi prices for alcohol for everybody-everybody drinks different things!!! My friends find & do this too<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"><img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"> It works for us-paying for alcohol & a taxi home, after a good evening with friends, is an evening well spent<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"><img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Grin" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/grin-D7Eg_B6y.png"> If we go out together, we pay for ourselves, but if any of us are feeling flush, well pay for a round of drinks for everyone, but with no obligations for anyone else to do the same on the night, it all evens out over the year

When did barbecues become BBQs? Do you pronounce it Bee Bee Kew?

When did barbecues become BBQs? Do you pronounce it Bee Bee Kew?

Probably the same time people realised that you can use initials for speed of typing and the majority of people will understand you. I don't pronounce National Union of Mineworkers as En You Emm when I see it written in full, but I generally use the initials when referring to it.

Think it depends on the situation really, if any of my harder up friends invited us round I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at taking food/drink, and when we go to any parties I always ask what I can bring food wise and take a bottle as routine. I was a bit taken aback last week however when a friend invited us over for her DH’s birthday with the words “not doing food so eat before you come and bring your own drinks”. They can afford to host so couldn’t see why they were being so tight!

That’s not tight,it’s a drinks invite

my close group of friends and I always do one 'hosting' gathering a year, if we're hosting a 'do' that's an annual celebration we all bring something along, often the host makes a list and people put thier names down, or chip-in on drinks,

7 billion people in the world. Seven billion, some people do things differently to you. Some people are happy to bring a banoffee pie and a bottle of Aldi Prosseco to a friend's party. Get over yourself you plonker.

I agree if you invite people round, you should provide the food. It is the height of bad manners to ask guests to provide food. Even if you can't afford a lot of food, there are ways of doing it on a budget. Regarding drink, it depends on type of event. For a large party or BBQ, I would always provide the basics - wine , beer, soft drinks, poss some gin. If it's a smaller gathering or dinner party, I would expect to provide all drinks. If I was invited to a function at a venue, I would expect to pay for my drinks. If the hosts put money behind the bar, it's a nice gesture, though.

Where I live it's mainly 'potlucks!' Everyone brings food and drink and it all get's mixed together :-)