If you are hosting you should pick up the cost

[Happysunshine1992]

Is anyone else suprised by the amount of people who host celebrations either at their home or out at a venue and do not pick up the tab for their guests. We frequently host various events birthdays, BBQ's throughout the year and would never dream of telling our guests to bring their own drink/food.

We also always put money behind the bar or preorder drinks when hosting at a bar/club. AIBU to think if you can't afford to pay you should forgo the party or invite less people?

I was always taught by my parents that if you are hosting, your guests should not have to put their hands in their pocket at all. Is it just me that thinks this way or have times changed??

If we host a BBQ or invite people to dinner, we provided all the food, would buy enough alcohol to be able to offer a few drinks when people get there but also tell people to bring their own of whatever they want to drink. This is an unwritten rule anyway or at least it is in my circle of friends! Most people will turn up with some snacks, nibbles, puddings etc anyway and likewise so would we if invited anywhere. The only exception to this is my inlaws who love hosting and provide everything even down to booze, they get quite offended if you turn up with anything and send you away with it when you leave! With them we always take a gift such as flowers, chocolates etc.

I agree ... to a point. My MIL comes over for tea once every week to see our dcs. At first, we paid for everything - food, dessert, a bottle of wine - but after never getting an invite back to her house and never seeing her outside of the set day, we decided to ask her to bring dessert. If they don’t bring dessert, we don’t have it. I still provide main meal and wine

Wow - how mean and petty is that!
I don't know how you could humiliate yourself to resent a weekly slice of cake for granny, who has travelled to visit you - perhaps you ought to pay half of her travel expenses since its all tit-for-tat!
Your DH ought to be ashamed of himself too, for treating his mother like this, no wonder she doesn't visit more often.

I think I'd never host or go to anything if I always brought everything for everyone, there's kindness and then there's just reality , if you haven't got the money, you haven't got it x

I was invited to a friend's evening do for her wedding. On the invitation she had written Please bring a dessert. She isn't short of money and had had invitations to the reception of both my DC's weddings (although on the day she decided not to stay at my DS's reception).