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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
Badbilly · 05/08/2018 17:36

Mmmm. I wonder how many Bridezillas he has had to deal with. 4am email? No.

That is a bit irrelevant-he is a wedding DJ, if he can't hack it, he should stop being one.

"Must play songs"........

Okay. So why hire a DJ and just use a playlist instead?

It might have only been a list of a few songs- the party might last 4 or 5 hours, and ebb and flow (first dance, any special announcements, special request for Aunty Mary, etc.) the buffet/food also alters the flow of the party, so it is a lot more than just playing a "play list", but it does help if you have an idea of what type of music the bride likes.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 17:53

We didn’t use a playlist because we didn’t have speakers etc and we didn’t want to bother with all that faff or get someone else to . We would rather pay someone to sort that out.

There were many songs requested as we wanted all our guests to have a good time. We asked them to pick a song that was special to them or made them dance. Some were picked by many people. So he could build his set around what was picked. Also at parties they don’t often play the full song so the list would not take up the whole party time.

OP posts:
BolleauxtoBankers · 05/08/2018 18:36

Of course it's not unreasonable to send an email at 4.00am, the recipient should have their notifications turned off if they don't want to be disturbed by email overnight, it's very simple to do.

BoneyBackJefferson
"To all those going on about how an email at 4 am is not going to get you into trouble at work.

It comes under work/life balance and quite a few work places have policies in place that restrict when you can send emails/texts to work colleagues."

Not if you work for an international company. And in any case (as I tell my husband, who works for a US company whilst being based in the ME, but who does not believe me, apparently) you can set your phone notifications to "do not disturb" from the end of your own working day to the beginning of your next working day, it is up to you to sort out your own work/life balance, not up to your colleagues overseas, who work whilst you are sleeping.
Seriously never read such bollocks, Clairetree1 I'm looking at you, too.
OP - you really need to write poor reviews of this sexist DJ, though I'm a bit disappointed that you/your husband didn't stand up for yourselves on receiving his extremely sexist response about keeping you under control.
Congratulations on your wedding! Things can only get better!

BolleauxtoBankers · 05/08/2018 18:41

Oh, yes, I'd love a Cartier pigeon, too, I imagine it as a Swarovski ornament, only better.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/08/2018 19:16

BolleauxtoBankers

Not if you work for an international company.

I doubt that the DJ is an international company. Nor I am talking abou international companies.

it is up to you to sort out your own work/life balance, not up to your colleagues overseas, who work whilst you are sleeping.

Again not talking about overseas colleagues.

Seriously never read such bollocks,

Then I hope that you never work for some companies or you will find yourself on the end of a disciplinary.

But if you don't believe that some companies take work/life balance seriously then thats your look out.

glintandglide · 05/08/2018 19:39

Don’t be daft. What kind of company would put an employee through the life changing stress of a disciplinary in the name of improving their work life balance?

Anyway as I saiD before any company that tried that on with anyone with half a brain would end up in an employment tribunal

Tiredperson · 05/08/2018 19:45

I still can’t think why anyone would have ping notifications for emails?!

Do they only get a couple of emails a day??

CSIblonde · 05/08/2018 19:45

I'd probably wait till 7am ish tbh. But we all do stuff without thinking sometimes, especially if stressed. But after that response, I'd get another DJ.

newmumwithquestions · 05/08/2018 19:59

Ridiculous response. I send an email whatever time I like. (Call/text no)

I wouldn't have sent the email at 4am as most people get notifications on their phones.
I know no one who gets email notifications on their phones. Certainly not most people.

I get sales/marketing emails that come through at all hours of the night - I guess queued on a batch system to go when the internet is under less pressure. It’s certainly not the norm to avoid night time emailing.

Cyclingpast · 05/08/2018 20:18

Get a landline and an alarm clock, then turn your mobile off at night! ;-)

Kpo58 · 05/08/2018 20:23

YANBU. Emails can be sent at any time of day or night.

If you had been expecting a response straight away to the sent email, that would have been a different matter.

BoneyBackJefferson · 05/08/2018 20:43

glintandglide
Don’t be daft.

For the last time, some companies do have policies as to appropriate times to send emails.

Yes I have seen people warned for it, no I have never seen anyone go to a tribunal for it, because normally they stop sending emails at stupid times.

And its not done to improve the work/life balance of those sending the emails its for those that are receiving them.

unadventuretime · 05/08/2018 20:46

Not unreasonable at all. He should set his phone up properly so it's silent overnight. And his message and behaviour was dickish too.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/08/2018 20:50

But why would it affect the work/life balance of thos receiving them? Unless they’re working in the middle of the night they won’t see them.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 05/08/2018 20:54

What did your DH to be reply?
That would determine whether a wedding went ahead or not for me. DJ would be stood down either way and his social media flooded with the reason why. Incompetent, rude twat.

Fabricwitch · 05/08/2018 21:00

YANBU

He should have turned his notifications off when going to bed, how is that in any way your responsibility?
And then he sent a sexist text to your husband! Shock
I would have sacked him if able to find a replacement in time. He certainly wouldn't have been getting the free food, drinks, and tip our DJ got, and I would have left him bad reviews on any social media he has. He was completely out of order

BertieBotts · 05/08/2018 21:02

WTF? It's not Bridezilla to request that a DJ play specific songs at an event you're hiring them for Grin that's literally his job!

SerenDippitty · 05/08/2018 21:05

I would say it is not unreasonable as long as you are not expecting an immediate reply.

sleep5 · 05/08/2018 21:13

I'd be on the phone trying to find a new DJ. Or just borrow someone's Spotify account and setup a playlist and get someone at the wedding to play requests as required.

He sounds like a total twat. If he can't turn off email notifications and sends that kind of response then I wouldn't trust him to do my wedding.

ohgoditshappeningagain · 05/08/2018 22:39

I can’t believe people are saying you can’t send an email at any time.

I get emails from newsletters, banks, people in other time zones, apps, news sites, at least once an hour through the night. It’s normal!

Just don’t have them go ping. Simple.

BuntyII · 05/08/2018 22:43

Sack TB

LlamaPyjamas · 05/08/2018 22:51

He’s a sexist twat and I’d have sacked him on the spot for unprofessional and misogynistic behaviour. How dare he insinuate that your DH should or could control you! I also don’t understand how he doesn’t get marketing and spam emails every single night! Or why he doesn’t have his phone on “do not disturb” at night.

RaindropsOnKittens43 · 05/08/2018 22:53

I think sending anything which would potentially send a notification in the middle of the night is staggeringly thoughtless tbh.
No, it's really not, you're treating emails like phonecalls, but mobile phones have an array of options to allow you to choose to turn off the sounds, completely, or allow only certain numbers to go through, if there's someone you really want to allow to contact you any time.
If someone works for a company that dictates when employees can send an email, I guess some companies haven't quite caught up, but I know my employer would see it as entirely the responsibility of the recipient to decide what emails they'll look at when according to their work patterns, not the sender (imagine telling customers when they're allowed to email Hmm!). The only exception would be if someone was signed off sick.

LoveIsNotInTheAir · 05/08/2018 23:00

I wouldn’t text or call at 4am but I wouldn’t even think twice about sending an email! Confused

xJessica · 05/08/2018 23:14

I get emails at all times of day and night, particularly marketing ones. I wouldn't text or send a message on messenger at that time but wouldn't think twice about emailing. My emails don't ping or anything when they come through anyway, I just check regularly. Plus my phone goes onto do not disturb at 10. If you don't want to be disturbed overnight it's up to you to deal with the notification settings, so absolutely not your fault OP. Even if I had to have my phone on in case someone needed me I would set it up so I only got the notifications i needed overnight. He sounds so rude.