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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
Penguin34 · 05/08/2018 23:35

Ynbu to think a grown man might not take his phone to bed with him or at least have it on silent.
People are glued to their phones, what's wrong with an actual alarm clock.
I guess he's lucky never to have got any junk mail in the middle of the night.
His reply is disgusting, if I were able to get a different DJ I would sack him

DesignStatement · 05/08/2018 23:46

No problem e mailing at anytime ~ it's not like you are expecting people to deal with them at unearthly hours.
As for the rest of his comments ~ he is obviously some prehistoric oaf.

Alwayscheerful · 06/08/2018 00:04

What utter crap, my phone and iPad go to bed at 22.00hrs and wake up at 7.00am the only alerts that will get through is anyone who phones twice, ie an emergency.

NalderAndCollier · 06/08/2018 00:11

I frequently send emails at 3 am and 4 am. Why not? Nobody has to read them at that time. Your DJ is a dick. I'd find a new one if I were you.

AlonsosLeftPinky · 06/08/2018 08:36

I wouldn't personally, but I don't see anything inherently wrong with it.

I don't really distinguish between a text and email either. Neither require immediate action and both can be set to silent.

I have emails coming in all through the night, and I have notifications. They don't wake me up though so it doesn't bother me.

And my work have a policy for use of remote devices. It is made very clear that having a company phone, tablet and laptop is not a request nor requirement to work beyond your normal hours. They're strict on work life balance and if we were sending emails at 4am we'd be spoken to, more from a wellbeing perspective.

CutesyUserName · 06/08/2018 09:24

Of course it's not a problem. If it disturbed him he should have had his phone on silent or accepting messages/calls from certain numbers in the case of emergency. Twat. And he'd be sacked, too. Keep your wife under control, indeed.

PerverseConverse · 06/08/2018 09:31

I send things at that time if I'm awake and can't sleep. If people don't want to be disturbed they shouldn't have notifications on at night, especially for email! He'd be sacked for his comments though. What a rude twat.

Snog · 06/08/2018 09:37

I'd definitely give him the boot.

  1. if he doesn't want to be woken up by emails he should change his notifications
  2. he is rude and sexist

Why would you want to pay someone like this to be at your wedding?

Love your idea of asking people for their fave tunes, that's so nice.

Lethaldrizzle · 06/08/2018 09:42

You can text, message or email me at any time as I switch everything off at night which is what dick jockey shoulda done

WilyMinx · 06/08/2018 10:46

I don't think it is. Most of the people I email these days are in a different timezone and it would be quite difficult to send one at a "reasonable" hour. The recipient should just deal with it whenever he/she can. If he doesn't want to be disturbed in his sleep, he should just set his phone on silent during the night.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 06/08/2018 15:47

And its not done to improve the work/life balance of those sending the emails its for those that are receiving them.

Depends on who is receiving them, and what the email is about. I can think of a few scenarios where you wouldn't want employees sending out emails in the middle of the night but none of them bear any relation to the OP's situation.

Looking at my private email over the last few days I've had loads of emails at all sorts of times but none of them were ones requiring attention, and I've set it so it doesn't bleep either. But I wouldn't want an email from my doctor at 3am in case I happened to be up and checked my phone.

Ickle37 · 06/08/2018 17:35

Surely the cost of business?? You get disturbed by clients, when your clients want to disturb you, response is based purely on how much you want your clients business. In this case- he doesnt need you and a business who doesnt need a client offers shit service. Get rid. Could you have your first dance infront of him? I would also retweet what he sent your DP and go social media medevil and show him that 4am emails are the least of this cowboys worries..

duvetdreams · 06/08/2018 17:42

I think YANBU at all. I hope that his behaviour catches up with him sooner or later as frankly he didn’t deserve the work

Congrats btw, hope you had a lovely day!

Nearly47 · 06/08/2018 17:47

I send email out of hours all the time . So does my boss and most people I work with.
It is very easy to disable email notifications when you go to bed. A text is invasive but an email? He is being unreasonable. You've done nothing wrong OP. I would make be irate. But I suppose you don't need the extra stress.

glasserator · 06/08/2018 17:48

On what planet is a 4am email rude?! If you decide to leave loud email notifications switched on all night then that's your fault!

figelnarage · 06/08/2018 17:49

No it is definitely not unreasonable to send an EMAIL at 4am.

He sounds like a complete dick.

FaveNumberIs2 · 06/08/2018 17:50

First of all, many people have their whole life running through a mobile phone (like me) and a lot usectheir phones as an alarm clock. And some people just can’t switch them of. But the last thing they want, is to be bothered by ping ping ping all night.

Trouble is, they can’t pick and choose whose emails come though on a notification and whose don’t. They can only turn off notifications for each app.

That said, he could do as I do and set the “do not disturb” function between 11pm and 7am but that’s not a good idea on a night out.

With all that in mind, maybe put the email in drafts and send it at 8am ...

Despite all the above, his return message is disgusting and if I were you, I’d cancel his services.

Pebblesandfriends · 06/08/2018 17:50

I wouldn't be using him. How very date he not even respond to you if he had a problem?

Purpleartichoke · 06/08/2018 17:51

Normal people put do not disturb on while they are sleeping. I get tons of middle of the night emails and not a single one wakes me up.

Doggo1 · 06/08/2018 17:52

I would send an email. Text, no.

But I don't get notifications for emails, they just go to my inbox and I sporadically check it.

His response is diabolical though. What a twat.

starfishmummy · 06/08/2018 17:53

I turn off my email notifications at night when I remember so even if I need the phone on for calls/texts then nothing else disturbs me.

I've been trying to teach my d's that emails are not an order to drop anything - they can be picked up at any convenient time

BitOutOfPractice · 06/08/2018 17:57

I get loads of emails overnight (mostly marketing / sales ones but sometimes from people I know / work with). I just pick them up in the morning

He's a misogynistic twonk

Pemba · 06/08/2018 17:57

OP had no choice but to use him in the end, as it was too late to get anyone else. Then he was grumpy and didn't speak at the actual event.

RTFT

byairmail · 06/08/2018 18:02

Find another and sack him. I send emails at all hours. Up to him whether he reads them and replies.

KatKit16 · 06/08/2018 18:04

I bet he has form for cheating or is and his partner suspects. Perhaps she heard the email arrival ding and it caused him grief ?
Regardless he's still a twat 😡