Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it unreasonable to send an email at 4am?

293 replies

FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 11:30

The Dj at my wedding shouted at me two days before my wedding. I had emailed a list of ‘must play’ songs. I sent it st 4am as I was awake, stressed etc.

The next day he sent DH a text saying ‘keep your wife under control and not disturbing me in the middle of the night’

Just to clarify, it was not a text, it was an email.

I can only assume he put some sort of notification ping for messages from us, because we were the next job he was doing. It really upset me to be treated like that. It’s not my fault he can’t manage his notifications or groupon and all sorts of spam would keep him up Day and night.

OP posts:
PeakPants · 05/08/2018 14:16

yes a 4am email is extremely rude and inconsiderate, and would be a disciplinary offense at my place of work

Clairetree you said on another thread that you're a teacher. What sort of school has time to discipline staff for when they send emails? I suspect you're talking crap.

PeakPants · 05/08/2018 14:21

Also, often the server delays emails being sent. I would have kicked up an almighty fuss and said that I sent it at 11pm and it obviously got stuck before sending. Then I would have demanded a discount and an apology. This would be revenge for the twatty text he sent to your partner.

Lynne1Cat · 05/08/2018 14:22

I would never send an email or anything else at 4am. I'd have waited until 9. He was out of bloody order with his reply.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 05/08/2018 14:24

It's unreasonable to expect a reply at 4am but not to send - email is not instant access!

Ta1kinpeace · 05/08/2018 14:25

If I my dad sends me an email at 11pm, it hits my in box at 4am
(I have trained him not to phone me at 11pm Grin )

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/08/2018 14:34

Im not gettlng into wether or not you were unreasonable. Thats not the point. He lost any side of argument he might have had when he decided to send an abusive sexIst message.

Keep your wife under control. Shock
What are you, a labrador. Is that how he deals with his wife by 'keeping her under control.'.
If it'snot too late I'd be cancelling him and giving my business to someone who didn't act like they were doing me a favour.
He carries on like that. He'll go bust in a week.

mum11970 · 05/08/2018 14:40

We really do need to know who this DJ is, as we may all need to email him -in the middle of the night- with enquiries.

mum11970 · 05/08/2018 14:41

Apologies for the strike through fail.

PickAChew · 05/08/2018 14:42

The muppet should have his phone on do not disturb, overnight.

MereDintofPandiculation · 05/08/2018 14:45

I accept that the consensus is that sending texts at 4am is rude, but it still puzzles me. A text doesn't need to be responded to instantly, and I encourage people to text rather than phone me as I don't carry my phone around the house, so I'll pick up a text when I next look at my phone. I understand that people have texts alerts on and this means they will be disturbed by a night time text - but isn't this for them to control? OK, I accept I'm the odd one out here.

Figgygal · 05/08/2018 14:48

I don't expect people to receive the email at that time because see nothing wrong with you s being them then. You dont know he's got his phone not on silent or do not disturb and it's in bed with him....if he needs an alarm he should get a clock

What a pig Angry

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/08/2018 14:50

No YANBU.
He was a total twat to have responded like that! And if he doesn't want to be disturbed then he should put his phone on silent when he goes to sleep, or switch his notifications off.

I am often up in the small hours, and do a lot of emailing then - some of it is in a different time zone but I expect other people to manage their settings so they don't get disturbed if this is an issue for them.

I manage mine by having a time set when my phone doesn't ping any notifications, and (to be fair) I also put it in Flight mode when I go to bed so I don't have wi-fi round my head (Phone is also my alarm clock).

People need to take responsibility for their own disturbances - I mean it's not as if you bloody phoned him at 4am, is it!!

Lauren83 · 05/08/2018 15:04

I agree you shouldn't have sent it at 4am as you wouldn't know it was on silent, patients email my work phone in the middle of night and if I forget to put it on silent it wakes me up but it's my fault. His text was out of order though

AllRightNowInFactItsAGas · 05/08/2018 15:07

What a knobber!

Whether or not you should have sent it then or not (and it's really not crime of the century, would only be bad if you'd expected a reply out of hours) he should NOT speak to clients like that.

Are you still having him?

Firesuit · 05/08/2018 15:08

In theory there's no reason why texts should be different from emails. But culturally, emails were around for a long time before anyone used phones to look at them, while texts have always been a phone-related technology. I think texts being a phone technology makes some people think they have to be dealt with quickly, you know, almost like a phone call. That and them being short means that they're used for more urgent things than emails.

I'd only ever send a text if I wanted it read within an hour or two, otherwise I'd send an email. For that reason, I wouldn't send one at 4am to someone I didn't expect to be awake.

I'd still say it's up to a phone user to control their phone notifications though.

SimonBridges · 05/08/2018 15:14

Emails at any time. If he has notifications turned on that’s his problem. I get promotional emails at all hours of the night. If I had notifications turned on I’d be woken up a dozen times. As for the keep your wife in line - fuck that guy. Drop him like a hot brick and tell him why.

Oysterbabe · 05/08/2018 15:14

I don't think texts are different and would send one at any time. Although I'd actually send a WhatsApp and haven't used text in an age.

Original poster
FrazzledRockRed · 05/08/2018 15:15

@firesuit - it was an email. The wedding has already passed.

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 05/08/2018 15:15

I would reply asking for his wife's e-mail address, "So I can tell her to keep her husband under control. And also to let her know that you're fired."

Snowman123 · 05/08/2018 15:17

Totally unprofessional. He's self employed and you are his client.

Emails can be sent at any time. If he doesn't want to be disturbed by them he should keep his notifications on silent.

Firesuit · 05/08/2018 15:17

patients email my work phone in the middle of night and if I forget to put it on silent it wakes me up but it's my fault.

I would never have a procedure that required me to remember to do something, far too much room for error. You should have your phone set up to automatically not disturb you during non-working hours.

Email is meant to be a slow enough form of communication that most people shouldn't need audible notifications at any time of day, not even for work emails during working hours. Emails are like post, you should check/read them at time that're convenient for you, not allow them to interrupt your day randomly. (OK, not all jobs are the same, but any job that requires a modicum of intelligent concentration becomes impossible if you are open to a random stream of interruptions.)

bluerunningshoes · 05/08/2018 15:18

yanbu
emails can be sent anytime.

he's a twat for having switched on notifications on his device.

get a different dj, even a 6former is more proffessional than that

SimonBridges · 05/08/2018 15:18

Sorry, only just read that it has been and gone.

Cyclingpast · 05/08/2018 15:21

I also think e-mails can be sent at any time. I get lots of adverts/e-mails from shops etc sent in the night. Don't most people?

Firesuit · 05/08/2018 15:25

it was an email

I know, I was responding to someone else. You did nothing wrong. The recipient was technologically challenged so didn't understand it was their responsibility to control their notifications.

Having said that, maybe with regard to Android phones, Google has some responsibility. The default settings should not lead to people getting audible notifications for email. (Not sure they do, but if so, I disagree with it.)