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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
argumentativefeminist · 04/08/2018 21:59

He didn't need "time to do anything else", it's just putting a pan on the hob and opening a tin or tipping a tin into a microwaveable bowl! He could have done it if he'd needed to do that with a stir fry ingredient.

beavertown · 04/08/2018 22:00

Was there enough for everyone?

AlphaBravo · 04/08/2018 22:00

Your husband is a dick. A dick who can't multitask.

Cynara · 04/08/2018 22:01

If it only took 3 minutes in the microwave, couldn't you just put it in to heat up when you got back from the loo? 20 minutes is a fair while to be there, so I can see why he might not have felt able to predict when you'd be back and ready to eat. And I would prioritise feeding a child over a competent adult too, even a pregnant one.

BertrandRussell · 04/08/2018 22:02

Why didn't sil help?

But soup with stir fry is a bit of an odd combination- I might have asked him to heat up the soup for me if I was still hungry after eating the stir fry.

Singlenotsingle · 04/08/2018 22:02

Well if it only takes 3 minutes in the micro, is it too much to expect you to do it yourself, especially bearing in mind you were in the loo with no ETA at the dinner table? I think he did pretty well actually, what with that difficult DC to deal with as well!

GogoGobo · 04/08/2018 22:03

So you came out of the loo to a meal? Surely you can just hear some soup if you are still hungry? You sound a bit precious

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 22:03

He'd cooked for the others whilst you weren't there and also had the children. Surely you could have heated up your own soup?

I get that you are pregnant but it doesn't mean you can't microwave soup or that he has to do everything.

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:04

argumentativefeminist That's what I thought. :(

beavertown There were technically 3 portions of stir fry plus some leftover potatoes from yesterday. I would have felt hungry if I didn't have the soup.

OP posts:
imsoboredwithitall · 04/08/2018 22:04

How does anyone have time to worry about this kind of stuff?!

bsbabas · 04/08/2018 22:07

He could have just said oh sorry love I'll do it now won't take a sec! Not a weird way of saying you are not important at the moment which is bloody stupid

Boulshired · 04/08/2018 22:08

I probably wouldn’t of made the soup for someone who was going to be an unspecified amount of the time on the loo. I would have made the stir fry and then offered the soup when everyone had ate the stir fry.

Astrid2 · 04/08/2018 22:09

Why did you not just buy a bit extra for
stir fry?

Who has potatoes with stir fry?

Who has soup when it's a heatwave?

Your toddler must be eating a decent diet now so breastfeeding is no longer an excuse.

You spend too long in the toilet.

You could easily have heated up your own soup. If you H has done it, it may have been cold by the time you got back.

Seriously tho this isn't even an issue. I can't believe you had an actual talk about this. I would've said 'I'll just pop my soup on. BRB'

Antigonads · 04/08/2018 22:10

You spent 20 minutes in the toilet? How was he supposed to know when you would be out and ready for soup?

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:10

I should have clarified:

  1. There is only one child.
  2. I wouldn't have chosen to spend 20 minutes in the loo. But I had to. I'll spare people the details.
  3. I would have obviously heated up the soup myself but I immediately picked up DC who was having a massive tantrum and insisted on having a breastfeed. So I basically came out of the loo, and was sitting on a chair unable to move because DC was on me breastfeeding for around 10 minutes before DH served dinner.
OP posts:
Alb1 · 04/08/2018 22:10

YABU, he cooked tea and looked after your DC, why bother making an argument out of this? Just stick the soup in the microwave yourself while you eat the stir fry, you only have one mouth anyway. He's probably just telling you your being selfish because your causing an argument about nothing, did you bother saying thanks for the stir fry to him?

MrMeSeeks · 04/08/2018 22:11

How would he have known when to put it on? He didn't know how long you were going to be in the toilet for.
It also wasn't like he was sat on his butt doing nothing, he was trying to prepare a meal for others and look after a child.

HerestoyouMrsRobinson · 04/08/2018 22:11

You should do it yourself

Bambamber · 04/08/2018 22:12

So Did you have stir fry as well, or had he not prepared you any dinner?

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:15

imsoboredwithitall How does anyone have time to post responses to threads they find meaningless?

bsbabas That's what it felt like. :(

Astrid2
"Why did you not just buy a bit extra for stir fry?" I was craving soup more than stir fry.
"Who has potatoes with stir fry?" DH! Not a combination I would have chosen.
"Who has soup when it's a heatwave?" You don't get to choose your cravings.
"Your toddler must be eating a decent diet now so breastfeeding is no longer an excuse." DC is eating a decent diet, breastfeeding is not 'an excuse' for anything, it still makes a significant contribution to DC's diet but it's also a huge source of comfort.

OP posts:
shakeyourcaboose · 04/08/2018 22:15

Sorry being pedantic, you insisted on buying soup, was there disagreement about that?

gamerchick · 04/08/2018 22:17

But soup with stir fry is a bit of an odd combination

I wanted to peel wallpaper off and eat it when I was pregnant. Soup and stir fry is pretty tame really Grin

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:17

To the people saying he didn't know when I'd be out and I could have done it myself: I had been out of the loo for a good 10 minutes before dinner was served and not able to move as I was trying to calm down a distressed toddler who was breastfeeding.

OP posts:
Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 22:18

shakeyourcaboose No disagreement, just that DH and SIL indicated that they probably wouldn't have it.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 04/08/2018 22:19

OP you'll get people saying you should have made your own soup because pregnancies not an illness and it's your own fault for being in the big so long. But the nitty gritty is your bloke just couldn't be bothered.

Return the favour at some point.