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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 05/08/2018 00:43

I don't care if 'I'm making a rod for my own back'

Crack on then. This will happen again because you don't want to refuse your toddler anything, but somehow expect your husband to do so so he can prioritise heating soup for you.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 05/08/2018 02:33

'I don’t use pregnancy to be demanding. I am demanding and if I was craving soup and hd made it clear I was going to eat soup as soon as possible, then got on the couch with the kids for whatever reason I would have expected and got soup.

Because that’s what I wanted'

Shock Good God.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 05/08/2018 07:13

Soupzilla!!!

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 05/08/2018 07:30

Your toddler is going to resent the baby, things are going to change and toddler will see it as being babies fault. Yes op, children do tantrum, doesn’t mean you have to give in to them.

AnoukSpirit · 05/08/2018 07:52

He found it tough to whack prepreoared ingredients in a pan and stir them around a bit?

and supervise his own child. What a hero!

Thingsthatgo · 05/08/2018 07:55

Ha ha! I love this thread.. sounds like a whole lot of toddler tantrums! ‘But. I. want. soup!’ stamps feet and screams.

Tbh it all depends on why your dh didn’t make the soup... couldn’t be bothered? Genuinely too busy? Thought you were being demanding? Didn’t know when you’d be off the loo? Thought you should make your own soup instead of dealing with dc?

UrsulaPandress · 05/08/2018 07:57

Was your SIL still there? If so why could she not pitch in?

What sort of soup was it?

FASH84 · 05/08/2018 08:08

I fancy soup now...

Racoon100 · 05/08/2018 08:11

Why didn’t you prepare you soup and ask your DH to put it in the microwave whilst cooking dinner before you went to the loo? He may not have realised you wanted it at the same time as the stir fry as it’s a bit strange to have something completely different at family dinner time.

StepBackNow · 05/08/2018 08:15

YABVU.

For all the reasons given.

RavenLG · 05/08/2018 08:19

The alternative would be to leave DC alone, and let the tantrum get worse while I heated the soup in the other room

Or you could have seen to DC, ate your meal that your husband made for you, then made soup yourself? Sorry but he had food down in front of you, you weren’t starving to the point of collapse, you would have felt a bit hungry / not satisfied if anything and could have easily put some soup in. This is a non issue

JeezYouLoon · 05/08/2018 08:21

In the nicest possible way OP are you over tired, hormonal and hot? I think you need to take a step back. It's only soup!

20 minutes in a toilet is a bloody long time, would you have spent that long if you were on your own with your 19 month old?

It's takes no time to heat up soup, your DH, SIL or even yourself could have done it in no time, it's a non issue.

The issue is your DC1 is in for a rude awakening when DC2 comes along Wink

SunnyCoco · 05/08/2018 08:25

😂

EyeDrops · 05/08/2018 08:25

I'm in two minds. Honestly, in your position I would be a bit miffed that he hadn't popped my soup in too (especially once I'd asked whilst sitting down with the toddler) - however, I'd have (grudgingly) recognised that I was being unreasonable and done it myself as soon as able, because it was something extra I wanted. But then, DH is generally considerate and would do so - I think whether you are BU really depends on his attitude to you generally.

FWIW, I also breastfed till DD was 2.5 but by 19 months I'd have insisted on sitting and trying dinner first. By that age, sometimes mummy has to get up/do other things and they should be getting used to that!! I know tantrums are awful but giving in to them is not the way to deal with it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 08:27

20 mins on the loo mnetting and 10 min feeding child? Sounds like you were skivving Wink
What was SIL doing?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 05/08/2018 08:33

It would have been nice for him to heat it for you, but he was preoccupied doing something else, it wasn't really worth starting a thread over.

Justabadwife · 05/08/2018 08:40

Me and DH have had far too much fun with this thread this morning, and demanding we get each other food. 😂

Zadig · 05/08/2018 08:42

Put your soup in the pan and be done with it.

What a drama llama!

strawberrypenguin · 05/08/2018 08:43

As there were two adults still downstairs (so one to cook and one to entertain DC) YANBU. It takes two seconds to open a can of soup and whack it in a pan!

Sirzy · 05/08/2018 08:51

This thread is madness!

The toddler is in for a massive shock in a few months, will only be fed by you sat on your knee? How will that work when your having the baby? Or when the baby also needs feeding?

You had a meal, if you want extra after said meal sort it yourself!

AviatorShades · 05/08/2018 09:11

Soupzilla Grin

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 05/08/2018 09:12

I am feeling for the DH, if you are this demanding with just one child goodness knows what it will be like when there are two.

It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food

Can you imagine how much a man would be slated if he uttered these words much less repeated them? You are an adult and responsible for a child, cook your own food if hungry.

Redact · 05/08/2018 09:28

You had a cooked meal made for you by DH as did everyone else, if still hungry after eating that or if you did not want that, then heat the soup up yourself. I don't see the issue

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/08/2018 09:34

It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it why's it his job to wait on you and and foot?

CantankerousCamel · 05/08/2018 09:55

JFC guys, many women breastfeed toddlers and infants.

It’s really not that uncommon and doesn’t mean the toddler will combust or have major issue.

Good God

I am equally bemused by the amount of women here doing vast amounts of care for small people who aren’t supported and waited on by their husbands when they’re home to do so.