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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to heat up some soup for me for dinner?

239 replies

iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 21:57

DC1 is 19 months old and I'm currently 5 months pregnant with DC2. SIL was visiting for the day and we all went for a picnic at the park (DH, DC and SIL) and had a lovely day. As we didn't have time to do our weekly big groceries shop, we popped into the supermarket on our way back to pick up stuff for dinner. We got ingredients for veggie and tofu stir fry (preprepared/precooked ingredients). As I wasn't sure whether that would be enough I insisted on buying some ready-made soup as well for myself as I was really craving it.

I had to visit the loo when we got back (I've been spending a lot of time there lately due to the pregnancy!). I admittedly had to spend a long time in, maybe 20 minutes (but it wasn't like I was on my phone or anything!) while DH was preparing dinner and looking after DC.

By the time we all sat at the table, DH served the stir fry plus some extra fresh veg but no soup. When I asked him why, he said that he had to prioritise preparing dinner for everyone else instead of something that only I was to eat and that it had already been tough for him preparing the stir fry and the other foods while also looking after DC, who was being very difficult.

I am pregnant while also breastfeeding our toddler, AIBU to expect him to be a little more considerate? It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it. I would totally get it if I asked him to cook a complex recipe from scratch but all I asked him was to heat some soup for me in the microwave for 3 minutes!

SIL has just left so we talked about it. He is insisting that I was being selfish to expect my needs to be met first and that DC was being really difficult while he was cooking, leaving him no time to do anything else.

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 04/08/2018 22:41

Agree that you're being precious. Sorry. Being pregnant and breastfeeding doesn't mean you should automatically be run round after, which is what you seem to think by your comment expecting him to be more 'considerate' and by this: 'It's not the first time I tell him I'm hungry and need food and he ignores it'. What's stopping you getting your own food when you're hungry? (And yes, I have been pregnant while breastfeeding, and tandem fed for 2 years).

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 04/08/2018 22:49

If you were feeding then you couldn't eat the soup anyway so should have just cooked it after.

Letting a child tantrum for a feed and giving in is a rod for your own back. Imagine what the behaviour will be like when the baby arrives.

tigercub50 · 04/08/2018 22:52

There’s such a difference in replies on this thread - from people saying that the husband is a dick to people saying OP is precious. I think your DH had quite a lot to deal with & as pp’s have said, he didn’t know when you were coming down.

Beautifulblue · 04/08/2018 22:54

OMGGGG!! A whole thread, with numbered points & everything!!!.. about a BOWL OF F*ING SOUP! I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or just you in general OP, but get a grip.

JuJu2017 · 04/08/2018 22:57

I'm really sorry to say this as you sound genuinely upset by all of this, but I think you need to calm down. It wasn't like your DH was sat down watching TV whilst you were in the bathroom, he was out there trying to serve a meal. Hormones are funny things, but you can still do things like this whilst pregnant.

hiddeneverything · 04/08/2018 23:02

I know you're not looking for parenting advice, but seriously, get that kid in a high chair!

Apart from that, yab a wee bit u - but he is being a wee bit pathetic too. Hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. (Get that kid in a high chair though!)

tigercub50 · 04/08/2018 23:02

Lol at Ethylred!

ShumpaLumpa · 04/08/2018 23:08

It depends on what 19yo was doing while H was cooking. Did he need to run around after her or was she kept occupied by SIL?

If the latter, he should have managed to throw stir fry ingredients into wok and heat soup in microwave.

He was hardly cooking cordon bleu meals.

willothewisp17 · 04/08/2018 23:08

grow up and make the soup yourself Hmm

SavvySaver24 · 04/08/2018 23:10

You are being ridiculous. You aren't an invalid.

WendyCope · 04/08/2018 23:10

Catch a bloody grip. Totally ridiculous.

cherish123 · 04/08/2018 23:12

I think you are being over sensitive. When you got out of the loo, you could have eaten what was on the table or heated up the soup yourself.

Amaried · 04/08/2018 23:12

So in summary you're annoyed that he didn't heat your soup up as well as preparing your main meal and looking after your toddler at the same time🙄 LTB

quizqueen · 04/08/2018 23:14

A toddler does not need breastfeeding at teatime. I fed up to 12 months but only last thing at night/first thing in the morning, if necessary and I expected the daytime to be filled with normal meals. Good luck with weaning your first child off the breast so you can start with the new baby if you allow a toddler to tantrum about a feed during the day!

LML83 · 04/08/2018 23:18

Stir fry does need a bit of attention as does dc. 20 mins in toilet is a while.

Eat what someone is good enough to make or stick on some soup, it would take you 2 mins.

If I had cooked while supervising young child and entertaining sil I would be annoyed if anyone said anything other than thank you.

cheesemongery · 04/08/2018 23:19

Oo-er SoupZilla.

Newmanwannabe · 04/08/2018 23:19

Did you ask him to heat the soup whilstyku were sitting down for the ten min? Like “are you able to please chuck my soup in the microwave for 3 min whilst your doing the stir fry please?” If you didn’t then I think YABU, and even if you were in a different room. You could have got up and asked him.

Mrsmadevans · 04/08/2018 23:19

You sound like hard work Hmm

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 23:21

quizqueen (and others with similar comments) This is completely irrelevant to my original question but just to say once again: Breastfeeding a 19 month old is normal. WHO recommends breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond. Toddler tantrums are normal.

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 04/08/2018 23:23

I don't understand why OP couldn't eat the stirfry?

And / or heat the soup in the microwave after finishing in the toilet?

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 23:23

Newmanwannabe Yep, I asked him as I was rushing to calm down DC.

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 04/08/2018 23:23

SoupZilla 😃

gamerchick · 04/08/2018 23:29

Man I'll tell you, I would like to see any of you lot pregnant and having cravings. Nothing would have got in the way of me and my malteezers. Grin

The OP is entitled to her moan. Whether she could have heated up her soup herself is neither here nor there. Pregnancy is crying because you put your slippers on the wrong feet, there's nothing rational about it! Hmm

Original poster
iLiKESOUP · 04/08/2018 23:29

LockedOutOfMN Because as I mentioned in my later posts, who half of the posters calling me 'precious' because I behave as an 'invalid' haven't read, I immediately rushed to calm down DC, initially with breastfeeding then feeding the meal. It wasn't like I was sitting there with my feet up waiting for my dinner to be served. I literally couldn't move! The alternative would be to leave DC alone, and let the tantrum get worse while I heated the soup in the other room. Not a choice I would make, and I don't care if 'I'm making a rod for my own back'.

OP posts:
WendyCope · 04/08/2018 23:31

YABU as everyone has said. The fact you had a 'talk' is amazing. Yes, you do sound like hard work. HTH

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